BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Family relations

I get on with my husband's family ok, which is lucky as I have only one sister who I speak with at Easter and Christmas. Although his younger sister now has two children and has been a really great advert for us not to have any! We find it hard as a couple at Christmas. His sister makes it revolve around her "We can't go anywhere, we have kids, you'll have to come to us". I feel really sad knowing that I will never get to have Christmas at my house (I love Christmas and would love to share it with family in my home!). Does anybody else have this problem??

I don't have that problem since no one on either side of our family has kids yet. That will change soon though since my older brother just got married last month and his wife wants kids right away. I do know how you feel though when family expects you to always do the traveling in order to get together. My husband and I have been living overseas for almost 5 years now and it is always us who do the traveling back home to see family. We always have to find the time and money to go back and it really bothers me when my family or my husbands don't make the effort to see us. It is just expected that since we moved away, we are the ones who have to go back if we want to see anyone.

I hate it when people use the excuse that they have kids. It was their choice to have kids and with that comes other responsibilities and hardships. Just because they have kids does not mean you always have to cater to them. You could still have Christmas at your house and if they choose not to come, well then that was their decision and they are just going to miss out on a great time. Live your life the way you want and do what makes you happy. Maybe you could come up with a rotating schedule. Have the holidays at your house one year and then their house the next year. That is how we have to do holidays since our families live in different states far from one another. Just an idea.

I am actually very fortunate to get along with my in-laws and my husband gets along with my parents too. We usually help out family with money, but it is because we want to and not expected. We are lucky that way. I hope this helps a bit. Good luck with your situation!

Wow - I can't believe no one in your family has been to visit you overseas. DH's aunt lives outside London and I've been to visit about once a year! Free place to stay, you know? Of course it helps that we are the same age and she's my dear friend!

Thanks for your response and support. It means a lot to me. I have to correct one thing first.My parents did come visit once when we lived in Germany and I really appreciated it. But neither of my two brothers came to visit even though we offered to pay for their trip. We now live in S. Korea and my twin brother finally came to see us after I convinced him to come and we paid for the ticket and everything else with his stay. I do appreciated those two times that family came.

It is more the fact that my older brother has no interest in seeing Asia and made no effort to see me in Europe, but he will go anywhere for his friends. I went home 5 times while in Germany and have been home 2 times since Korea and it still does not seem to be enough for my family. Then again, my Mom won't be happy until I live back in Colorado right next to them! My twin brother is better about keeing in touch with me so that is good. The really weird thing is that no one ever calls me. If I want to talk to them, I have to call. Weird huh?

It is going to be interesting to see how my family reacts to my older brother and his wife when they have kids. They just got married and he wants to wait 4 years until they have kids. She wansts them right now. My brother said they compromised on 2 years, but his wife said it was 1 year. Hmmmm..... this should be interesting. She has always wanted kids and I am curious as to why she wants them. It is differnt having your own and not just babysitting.

Anyway, sorry for long response. Thanks for your understanding and for letting me vent there. By the way, cute picture of your bunny:)

I feel really sad knowing that I will never get to have Christmas at my house

Look on the bright side about this...it means they won't be coming to your house and bringing their kids (forcing you to put away everything nice and "childproof" the house and worry that the kids will mess something up).

However, the idea that kids can't travel?? Since when? Were they born with shock collars that don't let them leave their own yard, or what? Although I guess, I wouldn't want to travel internationally with kids either...nightmare!! But there's always Grandma's house.

Thanks for your responses. I know I should just be thankful for having nice in-laws but sometimes just wish things could be a little different!
I lived in South Korea too for a year with my husband, teaching English. How are you finding it? We lived in Ulsan on the southeast coast, about an hour north of Busan. It is a different world there, but I do miss it now. Although the Korean people couldn't understand why we'd been married for 10 years with no children!! :-)

I know that I don't call UK as often as I should -- mostly it's the time difference that throws me. By the time I get up, it's already afternoon over there and they are well into their activities. Maybe it's the same for your family - they just don't know a good time to call? My biggest frustration is postage. She can send cards for about 50 pence, where it costs me almost $3.00 to mail the same kind of card! We used to send cards all the time when she lived in the states, but now I only do it for special occasions.

(and the bunny is my most recent foster... he's been in his new home for one month where he is very loved and spoiled rotten!)

Tinky, I live at Osan and I am finding it pretty good. Korea is just a totally different place and there are some things I like, and other things that I don't. The people for the most part are really friendly, but there are cultural differences that can be annoying. I know what you mean about them being shocked that my husband and I do not have kids. Their reaction was bad enough when we were here 4 years ago, but now that we have been married almost 11 years, they just cannot understand it. Anyway, thanks for asking. It is always nice to meet someone else who has been here. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />