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Re: Family relations #270235
09/21/06 02:02 AM
09/21/06 02:02 AM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,382
C
censored Offline
Chipmunk
censored  Offline
Chipmunk
C

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,382
<img src="/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Living Without Children - Automated Note
For New Visitors: This forum exists as a support community for people who are living a child-free existence. This area is here to help nurture, inspire and educate those who, for whatever reason, are living their lives without children in the home.

Posts made here must be supportive of this lifestyle choice. Comments should not question a person's decision to or reasons for being child free. Those negative comments are called "bingoing" or "trolling" and are not allowed. Please be sure you are aware of this forum's intentions and rules before posting!

Re: Family relations #270236
09/21/06 02:08 AM
09/21/06 02:08 AM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 296
happy one Offline
Shark
happy one  Offline
Shark

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 296
oh to answer the question about if being cf has affected relations.......

yes. my brother is incredibly jealous of us. we had season tickets to the dallas mavericks, and i would ask him to go with us sometimes. he always said he couldn't do it "because i have kids." well, i'd told him weeks in advance. he had plenty of time to make arrangements.

he's also jealous that we travel a lot. and that we live comfortably. well, we work hard for it. it's not like it fell in our laps. we went to school, we worked poop jobs before we worked our way into the good jobs we have now. we made a budget and started a savings plan.

i know he's unhappy, but to say that everything came easy for us is a total crock. we worked hard for what we have. and if we had kids, we'd probably still have what he have now. we would just have to work a little harder.

Re: Family relations #270237
09/21/06 02:21 AM
09/21/06 02:21 AM
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 742
Ohio, USA
Tbunny Offline OP
Gecko
Tbunny  Offline OP
Gecko

Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 742
Ohio, USA
LM, if your inlaws were "brothers" instead of "sisters" I'd swear we have the same family!

DH and I have also been together 15 years and married for 12. I have been through living hell with his family on various fronts and know them better than they know themselves. Although DH can see their flaws, he still feels compelled to continually help them. Generally I don't object or begrudge him this -- it's one of the traits I love and admire most about him. He also would do the same for my family (and has) or anyone else who needs help.

But hence the constant bailing out of his one brother (whose physical disabilities are from a failed suicide attempt, and he still has the mental maturity of a 15yr old), including recently buying a house for him, in part because he has issues with homelessness, utilities being shut off, groceries, clothing (tell me how someone "loses" every piece of clothing they own), etc.

Re: Family relations #270238
09/21/06 02:34 AM
09/21/06 02:34 AM
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 742
Ohio, USA
Tbunny Offline OP
Gecko
Tbunny  Offline OP
Gecko

Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 742
Ohio, USA
Holles, I have a cousin like that. My mom's side is fairly small - 7 cousins total. We try to get together about once a year. One cousin is in NC, one in KY, the rest of us are in OH -- so this year I suggested camping in WV b/c it's sort of in the middle of everyone. Well, Cousin G with 3 kids said they couldn't possibly go camping BECAUSE THEY HAVE KIDS!!! Uhm.... camping...kids... don't those things kind of go together?? They are 8-10-12. He got all snotty about how the rest of us don't have small kids, but another cousin has a 1 yr old and she didn't object to the idea.

The ironic thing is, I tried really hard to come up with a "kid-friendly" idea. I thought I was being reasonable - after all, camping's not an expensive venture. I should have gone with my original idea to get a houseboat on Lake Cumberland and let them choke on the $1500 rental fee.

Re: Family relations #270239
09/21/06 10:20 AM
09/21/06 10:20 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 115
Ireland
M
MissCharlotte Offline
Jellyfish
MissCharlotte  Offline
Jellyfish
M

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 115
Ireland
DH and i get on pretty well with most people in our families. He only has his mom and one brother on his side. His dad died a couple of years ago. Being childfree definitely has affected his relationships with his family though. His father was really p****d off about it when he was alive. Couldn't understand why we just wouldn't do the normal thing! His mom is not happy about it either; though she's less obvious about it. I try not to see her too often on my own these days, as she's more aggressive about it if DH isn't there. She believes it's all down to me of course; i'm so selfish that i want to deny him the great experience. Lucky i've got really thick skin, huh?
My parents are separated, getting divorced soon. My dad is brilliant, and thinks we're the smartest couple ever. He believes that kids (though lovely) can be more trouble than they're worth. My sister is also great about it; and she has a child. She's very 'live and let live', which is fantastic. We're a lot closer these days. My mom, i don't really get along with. And she doesn't like me much either. She thinks that by being childfree, i'm rejecting HER life choices. Yeah mom, i'm doing it to p**s you off!!!!
It can be a contentious issue within families, definitely. I think we're basically lucky with ours. Of course, we only have one niece so far. And she's too young yet to be looking for handouts!
My brother (who's a bit of a loser) swindled us once. He figured we were 'loaded and can afford it'. That hurt, but made me determined it would never happen again.

Re: Family relations #270240
09/21/06 08:40 PM
09/21/06 08:40 PM
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 94
Texas, USA
C
coffeeaddict Offline
Amoeba
coffeeaddict  Offline
Amoeba
C

Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 94
Texas, USA
wow, it's good to hear everyone has family issues. thankfully, no one asks us for money. I know my brother has issues about our lifestyle, oh well, I don't have kids, and the fact he knew my husband back in the day. Fortunately, for me, my husband grew up enough to get a level head and make something of himself. That too, I believe burns up my brother. My rest of my family is fine with it. I think my mom respects me for making that decision. i don't think she wanted kids, but did it anyway for all the wrong reasons. My dad always said he should have gotten Cocker Spaniels. So I got dogs (and cats). My in-laws are split both marriage wise and on the issue of CF. I think my mother-in-law still has hopes but we rarely talk to anyone on my husbands side. He's happy to be a thousand miles away. My father in-law is just glad my husband got his s**t together.



Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha
Re: Family relations #270241
09/21/06 08:46 PM
09/21/06 08:46 PM
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 94
Texas, USA
C
coffeeaddict Offline
Amoeba
coffeeaddict  Offline
Amoeba
C

Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 94
Texas, USA
Quote:

Now, if you could help me come up with a good excuse for blowing off "in-law movie trivia night" next Friday, that'd be fab... <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


If they don't constantly remind you there is always the option of just not showing up and tell them you got caught up in ____ and/or simply forgot.

My husband and I have a system of having to check with the other one, especially with family, but I make him talk to his family so I can play the "duh" role. and vice-a-versa with mine. Good Luck!



Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha
Re: Family relations #270242
09/22/06 12:51 AM
09/22/06 12:51 AM
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 140
W
WildFern Offline
Jellyfish
WildFern  Offline
Jellyfish
W

Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 140
Okay. The family fund doesn't prevent all problems, but it sure curtails the "gimmes". Everyone knows if they have a financial problem, they can't come to us. We have "no" engraved on the door step. But I'm the first to point them to the family fund and have them make an appeal. The family's been really good about honoring reasonable requests and turning down the goofballs. I guess we're lucky we only have a few bad apples in the bunch; and they're pretty easily managed.


WildFern
Re: Family relations #270243
09/22/06 07:42 PM
09/22/06 07:42 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 498
U.S.A.
WaterLily3422 Offline
Gecko
WaterLily3422  Offline
Gecko

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 498
U.S.A.
[color:"orange"] My side of the family is great. My mom and dad, of course, are happy and satisfied with my dh and I being childfree. My parents tell me we are very wise.

My husbands family, well my husband doesn' have much to do with them. They are controlling, so imagine they are probaly gone bananas over us not shelling out the babies.

We have mooches in our family, but luckily they haven't bugged my dh and I for money. Probaly bc they know if they did they wouldn't get any.[/color]

Last edited by WaterLily3422; 09/22/06 07:43 PM.

If motherhood doesn't interest you, don't do it. It didn't interest me, so I didn't do it. Anyway, I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn't do what I wanted, I'd kill him."
--Katherine Hepburn
Re: Family relations #270244
09/22/06 08:42 PM
09/22/06 08:42 PM
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 130
GA, USA
F
fireandice Offline
Jellyfish
fireandice  Offline
Jellyfish
F

Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 130
GA, USA
My parents, next to my husband, are my best friends and there is no one on this earth I'm closer to. Aunts, uncles, cousins, etc etc all of them are great; father-in-law, great: mother-in-law? now that's another story!

She knew I didn't want any kids and that my husband was fine with that so, when we married she disowned him, I mean, how much luckier could I have gotten?! <img src="/images/graemlins/music.gif" alt="" />

And money? I would only give money to my brother who I am EXTREMELY close to, but he would reciprocate unconditionally if the need arose. I would never let a family member go hungry, but I would NEVER, EVER let one move in with me. We've got twenty acres: find a flat spot, scrape it clean and pitch a tent!

Fire


Hell hath no fury as a woman childed!
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