BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids The BIG 4-0 Panic...????

I'm only a few short years away, and I think I know exactly how you feel. I've started investigating permanent birth control options (not willing to experience any oopses) and I have had a few flashes of oh my god, should I do it. Thankfully they are only flashes, I know I don't have the personality or mindset for children, it's not something that would fit into my life. It wouldn't be fair for them or me. I struggle with my quadrapeds from time to time. Bi-peds petrify me!

Hey, girls. I just passed 43 last month.

When we got married, we were both 40, never bothered with having children. We thought we were late to join the train anyway. But at 41, I was pregnant by surprise. Before we could come to terms with the reality, I miscarried a week later. I was not sad at all, may be it's still very very early stage.

However, that "almost had one" feeling coupled with the complications of the biological clock ticking, I am drawn into a turmoil of emotional struggles.

Our marriage is very good. We both love travelling and see the world. We have been to so many different places around the world: from the old town Li Jiang on a plateau 2400m above sea level in China to the Alps in Europe. I am also an eager learner, always taking courses to learn new things. But this "I am going to miss it" fear is tormenting me. What about when we get old? Will we get lonely?

On the other hand, I cannot imagine me going through the process of childbirth and worrying about all these complications in labour and most of all, as someone said, when others are about to retire, we will still be funding our child to the college.

We have been trying to avoid having one. But now I want to grab my last chance. But my DH is still very sure about what we originally planned.

I think rationally, I know I would prefer to continue our marriage without the worries of bring up a child. But emotionally, I am going through very painful adjustment.

Sorry to mumble. Just write in the hope to gain some support from people here.

[color:"orange"] I am almost 24 and my clock hasn't ticked and it must be broken. [/color]

Hi Ladies, I'm 3 years away from the big 4-0 and had the ESSURE procedure done 3 years ago. I couldn't be happier! Don't 2nd guess yourselves, trust your orignal instincts and stick to your guns. Don't give in to the pressures of society or family and freinds. My first marriage ended in divorce - I meant what I said - NO KIDS! I was very young and impressionable but still stuck to my decision, no matter the consequenses. My current husband is my absolute best friend and he knew when I told him no kids, I meant it. I no longer have to worry about buying and taking birth control pills. I have a wonderful, care free intimate relationship with my husband. And getting old? Well, who in the h ell ever said your kids would keep you company in your old age? That's what a good retirement and insurance is for - plan for it, even if you DO have kids.
Fire

[color:"orange"]Yes, bc if you do, you could be very sorry. I'm glad I stick to my guns. <img src="/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> [/color]

<img src="/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I am 27 and the hormones are in overdrive for babies. I have to keep reminding myself that it is a physiological urge and that I am capable of making a rational decision.

I am trying to talk my boyfriend into getting the chop so I can just relax! (for hormonal reasons, I cannot have an op myself) He is very certain that he dosn't want children now but only 80% certain that he won't want them in the future. I guess I am the same.

It's not easy.

It's really not an easy decision (which is probably why none of us have kids -- those who never thought about it probably already have them). And I hear you 20-somethings with a "broken" bio clock -- I was the same way until I hit that magical age. Then it wasn't so much I had the sudden urge to procreate, but rather the fear that the urge would kick in after the window of opportunity. Part of our issue is that DH is 8 yrs younger than me, and he's just now hitting his mid-30's. I was afraid that he'd hit 35 and decide he really wanted kids, and it would be too late. We've since realized that we REALLY don't want kids. It is a weird feeling though when you've always considered that you are making your own decision about it and then are suddenly faced with the idea that the decision is no longer within your control.

<img src="/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

80% isn't good enough. You must be 100% sure. Otherwise, wait as Freespirit has suggested. I was 100% sure my whole life, 100% sure when I got my ESSURE procedure, and I'm still 100% sure. Not one regret :-)
Fire