BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships Could it just be because he's man.

I have been so upset I'm sick to my stomach all day. Why? I really can't put my finger on it, but it must be something... right? I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt that it's just my abuse from the past making me act this way, then I start second guessng myself again. Last night he calls and says he's on his way home U could tell he was in the car. I fell asleep and woke up 2 hours later and he's still wasn't home. Wouldn't answer his phone I was a wreck and then about 20 minutes later he answers his phone. I was hysterical and he was like I had to stop by so and so's house real quick, but I'm coming right now ..stop crying! Is it that men are just totally inconsiderate when it comes to what might be worrying the next person? Or is my gut really telling me what I think it is? I have always said to the gut never lies. Then again I have never caught him doing anything wrong, and yet I think that I know he is! I wish I could just go on about my day and just worry about me and myself. Instead it's about him and what he's up to. He says me acting like this is going to push him away but doesn't try to help matter any.

hi, i know how you are feeling! my husband had an affair 16 months ago and we are now going through a divorce.
i met a guy some months back and we are still together, but there is a strain at times, basically because of my trusting after whats happened in my past. my boyfriend tries to understand but has it has not happened to him it can be difficult at times. they say that time is a good healer and perhaps with time you will feel better in yourself about your relationship with your guy, like i am hoping i will be!

I'm going to be extremely blunt here, but until you start to value and love yourself completely and unconditionally, you will always have this issue with self-worth. Because that's what it is. The reason you get het up, bottom line, is that sub/unconsciously, you don't believe anyone can possibly love you as much as you want/need, so the moment anything arouses suspiscion, you feel this is a confirmation.

If your S/O has a problem communicating with you, that's small fry,in comparison ton your bigger issues of Trust, self-esteem, self-worth ad self-acceptance.
Others in your past may well be to blame for all the dreadful things they might have put you through.
How you permit this to affect and drive your Life, is your responsibility.

Trust me.
I know this to be true.
I have been there.

PM me if you want.

I used to do exactly what you're what you're doing now. THen I realized that I couldn't change anything that she does or doesn't do. If it's going to happen, then it's going to happen. Worrying about it won't change a thing. Just understand that you are worth having and that if he does something like that then it's a blessing that he'll be gone. You are going to be alright if it happens. You'll be upset but you won't die. Just don't drive yourself crazy thinking about it all the time. And it will drive you crazy. Take care of yourself and that's it. There is nothing that you can do to stop him if that's what he wants to do. What you can do is decide what you're going to do if he does. That's all you can control. Don't sweat what you can't control. You go NUTS!! Maybe he is, but maybe he isn't. Until you know for sure leave it alone and live your life worry free. Make yourself better so heaven forbid if he does cheat you'll be OK in knowing that you are strong enough and smart enough to move on and do better than some cheating low life. Live!

From what I have read, men and women both cheat equally. However, if you have concerns and can't talk openly to him about it, then you two have some work to do. You can be totally self-assured and fulfilled in your life, but that doesn't mean you can't use some guidance in how to deal with each other. Talk to a marriage counselor-find a good one! I did it on my own initially, but my actions encouraged my husband to join in. I also found help on a website...there is lots of good info available, just be cautious. Good luck.

NOTES: new users are not allowed to add urls/links to their posts!

fwiw...My guess is that if he were cheating, he wouldn't call you and say he was on his way home and then stop off and get it on with someone else for two hours....he'd probably either not call at all, or call once the "festivities" were over...

I have to agree with Alexandra and Katja both. I doubt he would have called you to say he was coming over and then have a rendevous on the way. That just won't make any sense. You're jumping to conclusions because of some serious self-esteem issues. I can understand having been worried about the delay though. He could have been in a car accident for all you knew. Men just don't think like us. It's not that he would have been delibrately inconsiderate, he just didn't think about it one way or the other.

My husband is one of the most concientious, responsible men I know.

He always forgets to call before he heads home for work or if he is going to be really late - and I freak out. My first husband had an affair on me, so David knows why I freak out, and he does try to remember - but he gets so caught up in the "now" of what he is doing, he never even thinks about the phone.

So I think it is a "man thing" to a small degree. Because I know my husband is not cheating on me, he's just forgetful! <img src="/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Yeah, I've finally learned at 32 years-old that men live in the "now", much like dogs. They don't dwell on the past, like us women do, and they don't think too far into the future. It saves a lot of hard feelings if we can just step back and realize that. I'm still working on it myself.

PS: It would help to watch "The Dog Whisperer" on the National Geographic Channel. LOL! <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

It would help to watch "The Dog Whisperer" on the National Geographic Channel. LOL!

Yeah, but I dunno if guys respond to it when you point at them and say "shhhht!" like Cesar does. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />