BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids NEWBIE... Happy to find...

...a forum like this.
From what I've read, there are lots of people out there who choose the CF life. For a long time I've struggled with the having children question. I've often wondered if there was 'something wrong with me' because I didn't feel the driving desire to procreate.

I am sure there are those of you who have lived it as well. The friends who unintentionally exclude you from their lives once they have kids, the parents who hope for more grandchildren, the expectations of co-workers that now you are married, you'll have kids and on and on.

We recently moved to a new neighborhood where we are surrounded by children. This is NOT a problem for us, but we DO like our privacy and have a fenced in yard. We have been friendly with our neighbors but there have been subtle comments and hints as well as blatant surprise when we tell them we don't have kids or plan to have them. It is now the neighborhood joke that we have the fence because we don't like kids. Since when is it anyone's business anyway? Hubby wants to tell the neighbors we 'can't' have children but I feel dishonest doing that... also it makes it sound like we need an excuse to 'not' have children.

Don't know why I'm rambling... just really HAPPY to have a place where I feel I am not an anomaly! My husband has a pat answer when asked if he likes kids... "YUP... between two slices of bread". (We really do not dislike kids btw! <img src="/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Look forward to reading more in these boards! Thanks in advance for any tips/tricks in dealing with difficult situtations with the CF lifestyle.

Welcome! My husband and I are the same way -- we like kids just fine (in short doses), but don't feel compelled to have our own. We used to be the neighborhood sore thumbs (lots of young couples with babies), but we now have a couple of neighbors who also have pets-not-kids, and a lesbian couple next door WITH kids. Mixed in with a couple empty nesters and the conservative religious types, we have quite a diverse little street. They are all wonderful neighbors, though, and if they think we're weird, they don't really say it.

I have struggled with the "something is wrong with me," too, esp. as I approached the big 4-0. I went into a panic thinking my "window" was closing and I could no longer be ambivalent or indecisive about having kids. I even sought counseling -- with a counselor who more or less told me to trick DH into having kids. Evil woman. I finally made my peace with it when I realized that I just don't feel maternal that way. The exception being when I see kids who are neglected or have otherwise miserable lives through no fault of their own. Those I want to take home with me and show that not all adults are idiots (of course I also feel this way about animals - which is why I volunteer in animal rescue).

Coworkers and my in-laws are the ones who have driven me the most crazy with their prying, assumptions, expectations, etc. However, since we have taken over caring for DH's partially disabled brother, I don't get as many questions about kids.

Welcome!

That's odd about the neighborhood joking about you having a fence because you don't like kids. Just tell them it's for privacy; for instance, you don't want stray dogs wandering in and messing up your flowers (because you just *know* the neighbor kids are soooooo well behaved they'd never mess up your backyard...). If I ever own a home/backyard, I'm putting up a fence to keep dogs out and as a place to train raspberry vines.

Interesting. I usually tell people I like children with barbeque sauce; I have never tried them between two slices of bread. <img src="/images/graemlins/devil.gif" alt="" />

[color:"blue"] OrangeMonster, I'm sorry to hear about your neighbors! They need to keep their noses out of your business!!!!!

You are not odd for not wanting children. Actually, you�re normal! [/color]

I was pretty excited to find this site too! My neighborhood has lots of kids, but everyone has 6' wooden fences. I'm actually disliking them. I have no idea who many of my neighbors are now. Luckily for us the ones we talk too are right next door and have all grown kids. So having children isn't really an issue. We can talk about vacations and adult stuff.

I'm with you Tbunny, it kills me to see kids treated poorly, they, unfortunately, weren't given a choice and all my pets are adopted. We've even had a few at our last home that just kind of came over, so we let them hang out with our poochies till we could get a hold of their owners.

Funny how we think there's something wrong with us. I went through that too. thankfully my friends accepted that maybe kids just weren't for me and helped me accept myself for who I was, not what I was allegedly expected to be!

Don't y'all get sick of feeling as though you have to justify yourselves? I guess I got way over that years ago. I just tell them the truth: "We don't want any". It's not too rude yet straight to the point and ceases further inquiries: subject changes, everyone's happy.
And thank GOD I live out in the country. Can't see any roads or houses from anywhere on our property. And we afford this complete privacy because...:-D
Fire

[color:"blue"] My dh and I are going to be moving out into the country. (thank God!)

I don't have to justify myself. Um, and I don' feel akward either. [/color]

Hey ladies... thanks to you ALL for making me feel so welcome! It helps lots to know I am not WEIRD for not wanting kids. YES, I am tired of feeling like I have to come up with an ACCEPTABLE REASON why we don't want kids. I like the comment "We don't want any". It is honest, straight to the point and there's no way to misinterpret. Hubby and I were trying to relax on our patio the other night and had the music of screaming kids to keep us company. I don't dislike children, but I do like my peace and quiet. Next time, bigger lot of land away from it all! ;-)

[color:"blue"] I can't stand the sound of screaming kids. Ugh!
Anybody who is childfree is welcome here. <img src="/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> [/color]

I guess the real issue is not the kids... it is the parents. They allow children to do whatever they wish with no guidance or god forbid, the word NO! Is it me or does it seem that kids are not raised to respect other people? Just a thought... but it makes me sad! <img src="/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />