BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships She wont Let go......

I have a big problem... I have had an off again and off again friendship since high school with a girl who is very obsessive... She came out as a lesbian a couple of years ago and told me she was in love with me.

I am happily married and she knows this.

I need to handle this carefully as I think she is unstable and if I dont give her what she wants ( me in her life) what might she do? She will do anything to reach her objectives and I dont mind saying that I am actually scared of her because I know what she is capable of....

When she contacts me in the future what do I do? How do I handle this without her beccoming obsessive and resorting to stalking me?

Be very, very busy when she comes around. Make it difficult to schedule anything and be no fun to be around if you do. I know it doesn't sound right, logically you'd like to be able to talk to her and say, you know, this just isn't working for me...but if she's kinda nuts, like you're describing. Just fade away. Be busy. I had someone like that in my life and after not returning phone calls or talking briefly and then saying, "sorry, I gotta run I'm at work" or whatever eventually worked. She moved and was out of my life but it felt like a very scary fine line for a while. I tried to bore her to death with blah, blah talk about my husband or baby, and not find time to listen to her psycho stories until I just was annoying to be around instead of a sponge for her suck my energy. Anyway, good luck.

Thankyou for your advice but I have tried all the above.....If I keep putting her off for too long she gets angry and thats when she will start trouble.

Wow, sorry to hear about that. Not sure what else you can do other then getting ahold of a shaman or the like for some protection. I wish you luck.

Hey freespirit,
Sorry to hear about your predicament. I can't offer much in the way of advice, but i have been in a similar situation. A woman i was friends with for a couple of years moved away, and i guess she was lonely in her new life so started bombarding me with phone calls at any old time of the day or night. It wouldn't have been so bad, but the calls were all complaining and negative. Whever she visited, she got really annoyed if i wouldn't change my plans to see her. In the end, it got so bad that i got my home phone number changed, and told her we'd been disconnected. She persisted in phoning me at work on saturdays (busy busy day at work!). In the end, i got my colleagues to say i wasn't there. And if i had to answer the phone, i would do it in a really soft low voice so i didn't sound like me. And i would tell this woman that i wasn't on duty. You can't imagine how p****d off she sounded when this happened. After a year of this, she eventually stopped calling. But i still dread running into her when i go shopping to the city she lives in!
Could you take on a project, or short term extra job just for a while? Maybe if you were legitimately and visibly 'busy' she would get out of the habit of having you to fall back on. It does sound like the situation is complicated by her romantic feelings for you.
Sorry if i'm rambling on a bit; i really do feel for you in this situation. It's like there's no solution.

Freespirit, it sounds as if your 'friend' really may have a psychological problem. On a practical note, I would change my 'phone number, or at least find out a way of blocking her calls..... Then, I'm afraid you may have to resort to actually getting a restriction order placed upon her. I had to do this with a colleague, many years ago, and although it spelled trouble for a short while, it did in the end work out that she received the counselling she needed.
There's a difference between having compassion and understanding for someone,and just letting them walk all over you. Simply because you need to take measures to protect yourself (and those around you) doesn't mean you are being cruel and heartless.

Hi Freespirit!,

I would also tell her if she does call again that you are going on a 3-4 week vacation and your husband and you would appreciate if you did not call during your "interlude". This would buy you some time and maybe she would curtail or take a hint at not bothing you so much. Does she call mostly or stop by the house?! If all else fails, tell her to get a pet so she can obsess about that for a while. I had a lesbian friend who finally got a dog and now she obsesses over the dog! <img src="/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Thankyou all for your advice, I guess I will have to take measures to protect myself ( an AVO )like bastcat said when she starts calling again.
No she does not come near my home because she knows my husband can not stand her.
It could be a year from now but she will call out of the blue like nothing has happened and want to catch up for "coffee".

Yes Alexandra she does have head problems but she is also dangerous,She can be quite vindictive and nasty when she is ignored.
If there is one thing she cannot stand that is being ignored so that is why I am not looking forward to fobbing her off but I realise that in order to get rid of her for good this is what I am going to have to do.

Millyella it sounds like you have had your fair share of being troubled by an "emotional leech" yourself.I am so glad it has worked out for you and fingers crossed you dont run into her.