BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Responses or Reactions to getting bingoed

[color:"Magenta"]It seems like I'm getting bingoed a lot here lately. Usually I just laugh it off or ignore it. Seriously. What do you all do when you get bingoed? [/color]

It depends on the person and my mood.

I do feel pity for some people because they cannot understand that there is another life outside of popping out kids, the concept of being child free confuses them and that is why they argue with us about our choice. I think of it in terms of computing.

Most people have this little program that says "get married have kids" and when they come across someone who doesn't want kids, their little program tries to decode it to understand it. Unfortunately most people don't have the relevant coding/programming to be able to make sense of our program and our messages are seen by their program as an error and they try to fix it, when in fact they should just click OK and all will be well.

Ah, that's the geek talking.

Most of the time I just ignore the comments and when people go on about it too much I change the subject. It's easier that way. I've kind of resigned myself to the fact that I'm going to get hassled about it for as long as I live. But what the hey, I don't feel guilty about my decision and I don't feel guilty that other people feel upset about my decision either.

Ooh, what happened to the other posts we had with the creative responses to bingos?

<img src="/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

[color:"blue"] Misery loves company, and when that isn't there, the breeders go nuts. [/color]

I totally sympathise with you; it seems to be somewhat cyclical doesn't it? Nobody will hassle you for months, and then you'll get a run of nosey parkers asking questions!
I tend to be quite 'in your face' about it when i'm asked why i don't want kids. I'll say 'that's a very personal question; how much money do you have in the bank?'. If anybody tells me i'll regret not having kids, i'll say that i'd rather regret not having than regret HAVING them (when it's too late!). And if people tell me i'm selfish, then i'll say 'well, you have a very strange definition of selfish; i'm not affecting anybody else but myself when i choose this path. Selfishness usually means that somebody else is negatively affected, doesn't it? Am i wrong?'
My husband gets told all the time that he looks like the type of guy who'd have kids. He says the next time it happens, he's going to look angry and say 'oh my god, i look THAT old, tired and haggard???!!!! I must book a holiday somewhere warm immediately!'

I would respond differently depending on the person.

In the interest of being kind, I'd gently explain that everyone is different, and that what works for one person could be very wrong for another person. Childfree is something that I know with every part of my heart is right for me, and I need to follow my heart on this.

However, if the person were being belligerent or rude, I think I'd simply say it's none of their business and the subject is closed for discussion!

Humor is also good. "Well, as much as I relish the thought of continuing my family's tradition of mental illness, something tells me it's not the best idea!" <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I knew by the time I was 10 that I didn't want to have children and my views have never changed.

When bingoed, depending on the bingo-er, I usually answer - "You know how some people want to be a doctor or firefighter when they were little?" and they answer "Yes." and I say, "Well, I wanted to be child free at 10 yrs old because I realized that I didn't have a deep, inescapable need to increase the depth of the gene pool...I already lived at the deep end and that there were already enough people treading water."
They are usually silent and look at me as though I sprouted a horn in my forehead, but they drop it from then on!
(I have to say in my defense that I DO use tact when the bingo-er is tactful in asking...)

Childfree Desn't Mean Brain-Free!

I just smile, shake my head, tell them I'm not and walk away. It's not a big deal to me.

I had a woman at work once ask me if I ever regretted not having children. I was divorced at the time. Obviously, I had been in a bad marriage. Why would anyone want to bring a child into that? I didn't really like this woman, and we had never discussed *any* personal things before, so I told her that that question was very personal and I didn't intend to discuss it. This woman is quite a gossip, and I'm sure she told everyone how rude I was, but no one has bothered me since!

I have since married again, and one person said "I'm sure you're going to try to have kids right away." I said, "No, actually we're not." She just looked at me funny, but hasn't said anything since.