BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Life Coaching why do I run so hot and cold with my friendships?

I'm in my mid 40's and a loving person, yet I seem to run very hot and cold when it comes to my friendships, both in person and online. There are days where I can't WAIT to respond to an online friend's message and feel such positive energy and attachment to her, and then there are other days where I want to fall off the face of the cyber earth and never speak to her again. What's up? (I don't have mental illness).

thanks !

Perhaps you have mood swings. I enjoy my friends and admit sometimes I do not feel like talking when they ring but after a few minutes I do enjoy it. I have one friend we e-mail each day telling of our small activities we are up to and would truly miss it. It is always nice to have friends and better still some one classes you as a friend.

Cooking,
I find I am the same way.
It seems the more depressed I am the more I isolate and shut down. I am a great friend and am always willing to help out someone but it seems when you need someone to help you out there is no one around and I think I am tired of giving and giving and giving...

This mood swing happens to all of us.

I think sometimes people have so many things going on their loves and tend to stray from friendships and other things to deal with their own lives. I would not beat myself up over it I would just think maybe it happens on both sides of the friendship and you are just taking it personaly. So just try to keep in touch once a week, and assure the person you have not forgot about them and how important they are in your life.

Good Luck

it could be moodswings or simply you have fears that you may leaqrn things you might not like about this person or that you are scared that this person may turn his/her back on you...

I agree with everyone on this one. It may very well be human nature, the old mood swings rearring it's ugly head again.

Mood swings and irritability have an emotional aspect as well. Perimenopause is a time when many women find their true voices. That�s a good and natural process. You may note the resurfacing of old emotional issues that remain unresolved. This work is important, not just to relieve your mood swings, but for your very health.

Women often come to us saying, �I thought I was losing my mind!� because they�re shocked by their mood swings and irritability. For them it�s a relief to know that their moods have a physical basis and can be relieved. There�s usually nothing wrong with you that you can�t fix by taking better care of yourself.

Friends can be drawn from all walks of life and from different settings and situations. You can make friends from your neighbourhood; through your children's school and friendship networks; from learning establishments; through hobbies or sporting activities; the Internet; through having a mutual or shared interest; and through your place of employment. The list is endless as are the quality of these friendships within your overall social network.

Learning to be your own best friend though, is the foundation upon which your social network of friendships must be built. When you have this grounding, you are alert to understanding the dynamics of your friendships and how these dynamics impact positively or negatively upon you.

How do you achieve this? Think about your friends in terms of the colours of the rainbow. Which colour(s) would you attribute to each of them and what meaning does your choice of colour(s) hold for you personally? For instance, you might refer to one friend as being red. Red to me signify
'passion' or 'vibrance', while for someone else it might mean 'danger'.

Is this particular friend always 'red', or does s/he change according to their situation/circumstances? What other colour does s/he change to? Alternatively, could it be you who are changing your colour?

Use this social network wellness wheel and exercise to help you gain deeper clarity into your friendships:

http://www.health-womens-healthy-living-goals.com/social-network-wellness.html

Friends can be drawn from all walks of life and from different settings and situations. You can make friends from your neighbourhood; through your children's school and friendship networks; from learning establishments; through hobbies or sporting activities; the Internet; through having a mutual or shared interest; and through your place of employment. The list is endless as are the quality of these friendships within your overall social network.

Learning to be your own best friend though, is the foundation upon which your social network of friendships must be built. When you have this grounding, you are alert to understanding the dynamics of your friendships and how these dynamics impact positively or negatively upon you.

How do you achieve this? Think about your friends in terms of the colours of the rainbow. Which colour(s) would you attribute to each of them and what meaning does your choice of colour(s) hold for you personally? For instance, you might refer to one friend as being red. Red to me signify
'passion' or 'vibrance', while for someone else it might mean 'danger'.

Is this particular friend always 'red', or does s/he change according to their situation/circumstances? What other colour does s/he change to? Alternatively, could it be you who are changing your colour?

Use this social network wellness wheel and exercise to help you gain deeper clarity into your friendships:

http://www.health-womens-healthy-living-goals.com/social-network-wellness.html