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This is a tough one but I need to vent. After 8 years of an up and down "best friend relationship" I finally told my girlfriend I could not take it anymore. My friend is an alcoholic and I have been to meetings on my own to try and understand her disease. But I just cannot take all this pain and hurt that she has caused me. The thing that set me off, the last straw so to speak is my family had a big surprise b day party for me and she and her mom never showed or called. This was my big "40". She made every excuse in the book.. Finally today she said I did not remember telling your mom that we would be there. She forgot because apparently she was drinking again when she spoke to my mom. Anyway, over the years there have been more excuses, lies, tears, " I forgot"," I had something else to do," "something came up....." I feel terrible but did not know what else to do but call and say what I was feeling. All she said was I have nothing to say right now, I am just taking this all in. I wanted to do this in person but unfortunately we live 15 hours away from each other. Please, your comments are welcome!

Well, I don't know much about the friendship part, but I am going through the same thing with my mother. She has a SERIOUS Alcohol problem and it has been affecting our relationship for a long time. I finally told her how I felt and she told me she didn't care and she was going to do it anyhow. Hopefully you're friend will see the light and get some help. I wish my mom would. Good Luck!!!

Hi D81,

God, that must put you through so much turmoil. Do you live with her? I did go to meeting for a while to understand her better and it made me feel more at peace. I even have a copy of the Al-anon book. Maybe going to a few meeting might help you. Maybe your mom will come with you... My friend did not seem to care that I was doing this. She feels she always has everything under control and it is not her fault, ever. She has a way with words, turning them around somehow to make me feel as if I am the one to blame. To be quite honest I don't even know how long she has been like this. I guess I notice it so much more now since I live away and have a new life of my own. It opened my eyes to how far gone she is. She is in and out of relationships like I don't know what!! She does some internet dating and such. She did have two serious long term relationships with women since we have been friends and both ended because of her drinking. She does not see it that way. It is always the other persons fault or problem, not hers. I wish you luck also as it really makes me sick to my stomach at times. At the very minimum please go to a meeting or two in your location just to see what it is like. I used to live in PA also ;-) <img src="/images/graemlins/angel.gif" alt="" />

No, fortunately for me we don't live together. She lives in MD and I'm in PA. She may or may not seek help who knows. I have thought about going to a meeting or two to find support, but have yet to act upon it. I look at it like this...She's a big girl, and if that's what she chooses to do with her life, then that's her perogative. However, I will not enable her to cause a ruckus in my life also. So we re lucky if we talk once a month, and if she is using at the time, conversation over. It is rough but I'd rather it that way than to sit and watch her destroy herself. I guess I handle it the best I know how for now.

Where in PA where you? I was in Southeast PA outside of Philly, now I am in NE PA near NY... <img src="/images/graemlins/rolling.gif" alt="" />

I used to live in Montgomery CO. Lansdale burbs. I tend to agree with you about hanging up the phone when you know they are intoxicated. I should have done that more. Most of the time I would just listen. She talked about herself all the time and talks herself up, always. I was soo tired of that. It became very annoying. I guess I lost patients over time and moved on. Maybe I just out grew our friendship? I felt like I was not getting anything from it any longer. Sad... Good luck to you also D81 ;-)

Hi Summer6,

I was married to an alcoholic for 17 yrs. I applaud you for getting out now. All I can say is, that it just would have continued to spiral down with lies, manipulation and disappointments. Until they can take responsibility for their actions there is nothing anyone can do to stop it. No one can fix it/them, only they can. I found that what worked for me was saying good-bye and cutting all contact, because I no longer wanted to hear and believe the lies and promises. It was time to be good to myself. I know that this is hard for you, but if I can do it, anyone can. My heart is with you, and I cheer you on.

Thanks Red you're a doll ;-) I just typed in a whole page and now it vanished, ugh!

You are more than welcome. Sometimes it helps to know that there are others that know just how you feel. Vent anytime, I'm still venting through all of it. So march on my friend. And as for losing the whole thing you wrote, I tell you I have done that too many times, now I write it in word, and cut and paste it here. (Helps with all of my spelling errors also, I flunked spelling 101.) hehe <img src="/images/graemlins/beamedup.gif" alt="" />

I've been reading your exchanges and feel for you. I have seen the hurt alcoholism caused a realtionship, both for couples in marriage, out of marriage and in friendships. It's tough to know what to do, but I'd say taking the time to learn about it was a first step. Words you've used, like being an "enabler", show me you realize you are not always helping if you sit back and accept it. I hope both you, D81 with your friend, and you Summer with your mother, will find a way to cope. All I know for sure is that until a person admits they have a problem and wants help, anything you do will probably won't work. It's good you have a place where you can vent and seek understanding or advice. My best to you both.

Starting to get a little sad/depressed about telling my friend how I felt. Boy, it is hard, really. After all I was friends with her for 9 years which is longer that I have been married for!