BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage How young is too young to marry?

Does marrying young doom a couple to divorce? What are your thoughts on this:
How young is too young to marry? <img src="/images/graemlins/lovers.gif" alt="" />

I dont think age always matters. Its more maturity. I got married at 20 which seems young to a lot of people. I dont think it will make my marriage any less likely to work than someone older.

I think the problem is people having children too young. You need to sort out your life as a couple first. If you put each other first in everything then it will be more likely to work out.

Its probably why you see more childfree marriages that are happier and work better than those that had children and no longer get the quality time together.

well I got married at 19yrs, my husband was 25 at the time. And my next door neighbors got married at 17, they're much older now. And their son got married at 17. I don't know, but I think 17 is way young, 19yrs as well, but at 17 your just getting out of highschool and you don't exactly know what you are going to do yet. and then when you do get married you start to have regrets like my crazy next door neighbor she keeps feeling sorry for herself. 19 is also young, but I lived my life at 15 and 16 (yes I was wild)so I'm very content. I'm 24yrs now so I hav'nt really felt any regrets

The older you marry the better. Sow your seeds first then settle down. Plus you should be more financial, if and when you start a family you can give them more re education.

Toetapping, that is good advice! I personally think 27-30 is a great age to get married.

Melly, I don't think I agree with the childfree reference. "Its probably why you see more childfree marriages that are happier and work better than those that had children and no longer get the quality time together." There are MANY couples who had children when they were older and are very happy with their quality time. Plus they are financially settled better.

fattina300, congratulations on your 5 years of marriage! <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I am glad that you are content with your life.

Kristen, I was married at 24 but I know people who got married right after high school and are still very happily married 30 years later. I think it really depends upon the maturity level rather than the age, but I think it is MUCH easier to get started if a couple has at least started a career before they marry so that there is less money problems. That is probably the biggest challenge for every young married couple (along with shutting toilet seats lids and closing toothpaste caps). <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Trish

I was married the first time at 17 and it lasted about 2 yrs. I was in my late 20's the last time I married and so far we are still going strong. I think older is definately better...you know yourself better and you are more mature and able to handle life easier.

thank you.

I think it depends on way more than the age. I'd take into consideration how much outside support they have, how much money they make (I married early in life and money lead to a LOT of arguments and strife!), if they have kids together, etc.

I married not long after I turned 20 which I consider young but it's well above the age of majority. We had a lot of things to work through but it's about to be 10 years!

Meg

My husband and I were married at 19 and 18. He was 19 and i was 18. We have 3 children now. We have been married for 5 years now. And planning to renew our vows next year. My father wasn't there to walk me down. SO this he will be:) My grandparents were married at 15 and 20 and they were married for over 55 years. So i think it has to depend on the couple.

I believe that it's best for people to wait until around age 25 before thinking about marriage. It seems to me that a lot of people go through a "shift" around that age. That's been the case with myself and the people I come into contact with, anyway. Keep in mind that the population I'm talking about has at least a Bachelor's degree; so you're talking about people who live as students until around 22, then struggle with trying to figure out what to do/be for a few years after that, which puts you at about 25 when you start to feel like you know who you are, and what you want out of life. People who hit the ground running at age 18 may experience that "shift" earlier; I don't know.

My point is that, if you lock yourself in before you hit that shift, when you come out on the other side of it, you could discover that who you are now just does not mesh with the person sleeping next to you! <img src="/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

But I think that whether a marriage lasts or not has less to do with age than with things like how you see your life, why you think you're here on this planet, and what your concept of marriage is.

For example, I was engaged at 19, married at 21, and divorced at 25. The reason I married so young was that I was going to school across the country from my family and friends, and felt too alone for my own comfort. I didn't realize it at the time, but in looking back, I can see that I latched onto my ex-husband as a way of creating a family and home base for myself where I had none. (I also thought the whole point of going to college was to find a husband, but that's another issue entirely! <img src="/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />)

I knew almost instantly that I wasn't completely happy in the marriage, but I dismissed those feelings. Over the next few years, the feelings grew, and I continued to dismiss them, because my belief system was such that I accepted the unhappiness a natural part of marriage.

In my opinion, if you hold this belief -- and I think a lot of people do -- you can stay married for 60 years to the same person, but that doesn't mean you should have, or that you really spent your life with your ideal partner! It's an "I made my bed, now I have to lie in it" mentality. And I wouldn't want anyone to stay with me forever if that's how they viewed their life with me! <img src="/images/graemlins/queen.gif" alt="" />

I'm now 39, and have been with the love of my life for 13 years. We have our ups and downs, but we always work them out. Is it working because I met him when I was 26? Is it because I got the "need to get married/gotta plan a wedding" garbage out of my system before I met him? Is it that I met him after my shift? Or is it just that he is "the one," and no matter when I would have met him, we would have clicked, and it would have lasted?

As they used to say in the Tootsie Pop commercials, "The world may never know. . . ." <img src="/images/graemlins/lovers.gif" alt="" />