BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Contempt shown...to large families?

This is an article I found yesterday. It's still boggling my mind.

http://www.wnd.com/news/printer-friendly.asp?ARTICLE_ID=49074

The contempt shown to parents of large families



Just a reminder from MNK Editor -- we can post links to other articles here, but it is against copyright laws to cut and paste an article here.

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I had to infringe here, the title of the post piqued my interest. hubby and I are married and in a comfortable income bracket. We are completely self-sufficient as we always have been and thanks to his hard work over the years we're at a place where he can work less and we can relax. We're not middle aged yet but we have 4 kids and are pregnant with our 5th which will be our last.

We are discriminated against a lot for having lots of kids, but we don't take it personally since it's our choice and no one else has to take the kids home at the end of the day. We try our best to be respectful of others and keep the kids quiet and behaving, take them out of places when they are disruptive, etc.

All that said, I believe the guy who wrote the above (which I have read before) feels sorry for himself more than anything. He makes points I can identify with, but he takes them personally. In the real world people aren't going to like you for no good reason, you just get over it and move on.

If a place doesn't welcome us with all of our children I simply leave and find a place that does. That place doesn't get my business (a simple dinner out can run us over $150 these days) and in exchange I am able to be somewhere friendlier. My day with no children at home will come and then I can visit those places should I wish.

There is a time and a place for kids to be around and for kids to not be around. If a business owner or church head doesnt want kids around, then find someplace else to go.

Meg

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I think the guy who wrote the article is nothing but a whiner. IT'S CALLED GROW UP!

MegHomeschooling, we need more parents like you nowadays!
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trust me, ppl with annoying kids drive me as batty6 as anyone else. Thus my kids aren't in school <img src="/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

meg

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I find it interesting that he keeps drawing comparisons between material goods and children. I would hope perspective parents would put more thought into whether to conceive then buying a new car. And why is it more impressive that Jay Leno has 20 motorcycles than that some family has 10 kids? Because if Jay falls on hard times then he can sell his motorcycles and it won't be prostitution. Because if Jay can't afford to feed or house his motorcycles then it won't be quite as catastrophic as ten homeless hungry children.....and he won't be able to get government subsidies to feed his motorcycles. And Jay doesn't get tax breaks for his motorcycles...in fact, he may even pay more in taxes if California has a luxury tax. Because if Jay doesn't have the energy to show affection to his 20 motorcyles after a long day at work, they're not going to feel neglected and unloved.

As Meg pointed out, there are parents out there with large families that have the means and the time to raise their children right. And this author might very well be one of those....but there are too many people out there having way too many kids that they can't afford to raise and I think those families tend to unfairly cast a bad light on all large families.

And people aren't cooing at his children enough? Seriously?

Seriously! How DARE you not coo at his children! HOW DARE YOU! Personally, I don't care enough to coo at kids. I can't stand people who speak to kids in baby talk. That annoys me. I might say "Aw, he/she is cute" or something like that...but I'd much rather spent time cooing at a cat or dog than somebody's offspring. If you think that having a kid is a miracle or something, great for you. As for me, I don't see it as being something that miraculous or deserving of a lot of congratulations. The majority of men and women can have a child. It's not miraculous when the majority of people can do it all the time every day. In the time I'm typing this, how many kids have already been born? How about in the course of the day? The week? The month? And this guy thinks I should congratulate him on it? Forget it.

This Shmuley guy sounds like kind of a jerk. Here are my counterpoints to the article.

"A world that has lost its innocence has trouble appreciating beings who are innocent."

Innocent? According to recent studies, toddlers are the most violent age group of all. Follow the link below to read more about this:

http://www.futurepundit.com/archives/002068.html

I quote my own mother here: "Little kids aren't innocent. It's more like....ignorant." (She'd know. She's a mother and a teacher, so she has no misconceptions about how awful kids can be.)

"A world that has become selfish has soured to the idea of leading a life of selflessness."

But most people have kids just because they want to. Hey Rabbi! Your kids aren't doing the rest of us any good! Looks like your decision wasn't so selfless after all -- having a bunch of little clones running around to satisfy your ego. Anyway, many of us childfree use all our spare time and money to help out various charities -- you know, people who really need help!

"A world that has become grossly materialistic is turned off to the idea of more dependents who consume resources."

Anyone born in the western world today takes up vast amounts of resources, including scarce oil, and pollutes the earth in the process. So yes, I guess I'm turned off of the idea of more consummation of resources and the subsequent pollution and warming of our Earth. It's because I actually want humanity to HAVE an Earth around in the future. Does that make me materialistic?

"And a world that mistakenly believes that freedom means a lack of responsibility is opposed to the idea of needy creatures who "tie you down.""

Freedom means being able to make your own decisions, and not having to listen to propaganda from either side of the baby debate. There's a reason I only post about this here, in an appropriate forum, and not spew my propaganda in other publications. I consider myself free, and if holding down a job, paying the bills, and taking care of my elders amounts to lack of responsibility, fine.


The big issue here isn't that some people choose to have lots of kids. That's their choice. It's that all the wrong people bring them everywhere and don't discipline them, making every other person around deal with their mess and their noise. Not everyone wants to deal with undisciplined brats, thank you very much. (Please note that any time someone's kids are being well-behaved or unusually mature and articulate, I compliment both child and parent. I try to reinforce good behavior.) Anyway, too many of us have had too many bad experiences with bad parents to suddenly, magically think that a big family or a mob of kids is a good thing. Prove to us first you all can act civilized, and then we'll accept you. Until then, sorry, but your reputation has been ruined by all the bad parents out there.

Here's another analogy. My sister chooses to own four snakes and two tarantulas. She doesn't bring them out for show-and-tell, though, unless she is really pressed to. Why? She understands not everybody likes them, or is even comfortable with them. Same thing goes for kids. I suppose you could call it age discrimination, but honestly, I don't like dealing with loud, obnoxious, ill-behaved adults, either, and I avoid them too. Oh yeah, "You can get drunk on an airplane, laugh hysterically with your mates, and still not really anger people"? YEAH RIGHT! I have gotten plenty angry with people for pulling stuff like that.

And all that stuff about people in third world countries having a lot of kids -- that's a humanitarian disaster! It has nothing to do with being uncivilized. They are too poor to afford birth control and much of their culture/religion does not allow it. Why? The feminist movement never got to these countries. Women are still treated as objects and men and women alike are only valued for how many children they have. People who are infertile or who don't want kids are literally cast out and shamed. It is shameful that the author tries to crunch numbers here without looking at things anthropologically.

I feel happy that I live in the western world, where we have freedom and we are valued for more than our reproductive ability.