[color:"purple"] you're very right. Porn is a huge word now a days that includes everything from teens to tying tits. so....
If your husband felt he found out he was a 'Dominant' did he do so by simply looking at bondage online? i doubt it, but it might have stirred thoughts he'd had all along. Yet thinking that his wife was something she wasn't was wrong. There are groups that focus on the right way to go about talking to someone about bondage and other things within the acroynm BDSM, but unfortunaltey a lot of people have no clue.
I'm sorry that ruined your marriage, but glad you're back at the helm.
as to porn, if its not an addiction IE done ALL the time, like gambling, drinking etc, and its out in the open and talked about... whats the problem. most people look at it as a hidden thing thats done. Then, yes, its wrong. imho. but if its discussed and talked about, isn't that what marriage is all about? communication?
yet these are things we are not taught to do. Communicate properly, and to talk about everything that is important to us BEFORE we marry. sad.
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