BellaOnline Forums Family Daughters Dealing with a Spoiled Daughter

We have a little girl at story time that is very spoiled. But if you take one look at grandma, who is decked out in Calvine Klein, you can see why.

Shortly after my daughter started story time she would ask for all sorts of things that the other girls had.

I stood my ground and said no and she has moved on. Of course for her peer pressure is not a huge issue becuase I also homeschool.

But how do some of you deal with your daughters who are confronted with spoiled kids at school each day..ir have a friend that is spoiled?

On the other hand if you had a daughter that you feel you may have overindulged how did you start to do things differently?

[color:"green"] I had a friend who was spoiled. I recently had to let her go (please don't read that in a mean way - I just don't know how to word it) because she was not only poisoning me, but also my children. A 45 year old woman who's message on her voice mail says, "Aloha, this is ____ . I am either travelling the world or spending all of my husband's money. Please leave a message. Aloha!" What is that? She buys herself toys and brings them over to brag about them and won't let my kids touch them. She spends a disgusting amount of money and because her husband works for my husband, I have some idea what he makes related to what she is spending. It's sickening and sad at the same time. She buys her own presents, wraps them, and has everyone sit around her while she unwraps them. She has very low self esteem.

In any case, I have met spoiled children before - but usually, they aren't the ones who you'd think are spoiled. In my opinion, they usually come from families who really cannot afford to spoil their children.

I spoil my children. I have only 1 child who it really works against me - but that's that one child - the other 4 are fine with whatever they have or don't have.

I think some of today's problems are a result of no discipline/punishment - and no direction or teaching of manners/courtesy. I don't mean beating a kid. But you can't even say "no" to your kids. Someone I know personally was turned into CPS for not having a television in her home and THEY INVESTIGATED and they made a big deal out of it. They called it depriving the child (neglect) and unusual punishment. This is serious stuff! We tend to overcorrect which makes things worse.

Here is my personal opinion about spoiling a kid. You can deprive a child and they will carry that with them when they are older. I come from a wealthy family (no I'm not bragging and you'll read why). But my family went to the thrift store, saved every penny, didn't get into debt, had food storage, they could and still can and do buy cars with cash. I resented having to wear used and outdated clothes to school that would cause unnecessary torture for me (kids are mean). I resented not having some of what my friends had. I'm not saying I would have wanted to have everything they had - that would be too much - but I wanted some things. Everything my family did backfired on ALL of the grandchildren. None of us know what to do with money and none of us want our children to go through what we went through.

So I say, use your better judgement: If the kid comes home crying that she/he is being teased because of their shoes, have mercy and buy them a more suitable pair. If they want something that only they will know they will have (it doesn't leave the house), put it on a wish list and get it whenever you can reasonably afford it. If it's too outlandish - just say no.

I know my opinion is not a popular one - but it is really my story - the story of a rich kid living the poor life trying to find a middle ground. [/color]

This is such a hard decision to make because it can make a big difference in your child's life. I lived in upstate NY when I raised 5 of my children and we were in the minority as far as being LDS was concerned. That was more of an issue than what they wore. They did have nice clothing and most of the time name brands. At one point we were not able to afford the name brand clothing from the stores but we lived in an area that had a wonderful seconc hand store and I could buy used name brand clothing very reasonalble that looked unused. My children were middle ground "spoiled", but good, active in church kids.
Then we moved to Utah and it was a whole new story. I had to late in life girls. The other five were out of the house, four had served missions, married, etc. These two little girls found out that if you didn't dress just right and wear your hair a certain way along with being skinny and built like a model, forget it. One daughter became bulimic and after trying to live a double standard for 8 years, has now moved out of our home and in with a 32 year old woman next door who will spend up to 3 or 4 hundred dollars a month on her in clothes etc. She didn't want to live by out standards of dress, curfew, going to church and so as soon as she turned 18 and we had our first confrontation she left. She has one year of school left and lives right across the street from us. It has been heartbreaking. I can promise you she was loved as much as any child could have been. All of her brother's and sister's were with her when she was born. They helped raise her and one of them had her in their arms or by their side every minute.
The physcologist I talked to said maybe she had too much attention and that is what she thrived on. When she didn't get it, she did whatever she could to get it. If that meant throwing up or acting up she did it. If it meant living with someone who would fuss over her 24-7 she would go there.
Spoiling is a funny thing. We think we are just loving, but sometimes it is such a fine line. As a 56 year old mother of 7, and still raising a 13 year old I would say read every book you can get your hands on for advice.
Then hold them close and explain every detail to them when you change something in their life. Look into their eyes and make sure they get it before you let go and end with many I love you's. Peer pressure is hard and especially hard in some areas.
Last of all, I have read the first verse of the Book of Mormon over and over which says, "I Nephi having been born of goodly parents".... Then I realize that Laman and Lemuel didn't get it. They were spoiled and never did get the change. Some of our children won't and we can't beat ourselfs up over that.
Wow that was a sermon or something.
Sorry, but it has so much been on my mind lately. Maybe I just wrote it for myself as much as anything.
Ginger "Lovinna"

And then sometimes it is not the parents fault at all!

I know this is not a religious discussion; but I am reminded of a sermon our pastor preached on Samson. His parents raised him exactly the way he should have been, dedicating him to God, etc., etc. And he still went and broke just about every rule there was up until the very end.

Some kids are like that. You'll get one child who is thrilled with hand-me-downs just as long as it is something new to her; and another that can't wear the same thing twice in the same month. And it isn't always about money. It does often have a lot to do with self-esteem, but you can't even always go by that.

I think we as parents can only do our very best, and raise our children with love, giving them time and teaching them that those two things are more important than any amount of money.