I tried to post this in the original thread, but I kept getting a "that form is no longer valid" message. So, instead, with my apologies, I posted here in a related thread. Oy...

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I've been pretty lucky about not having had to go through the baby thing with too many of my girlfriends; professionally, as a musician and a teacher, I haven't seen much of it. (Both professions are notorious for low pay and also come with a built-in outlet for creativity, so parenthood? Ehhh, who needs it? Further, even if one is so inclined, who has time and/or money? (at least in private school education, anyway...public school teachers make a bit more money). Actually, teaching has been documented as one of the professions with the lowest birthrates amongst its practitioners --- i.e., even those teachers who are predisposed to have kids know what they are *really* like, as opposed to the societal/media hype). They are most aware of the fact that one doesn't have a *baby*. One has a baby and then a toddler and then a preschooler and then and then and then...sky-high auto insurance premiums and college bills!

But the few times I have experienced this process with girlfriends, it's more of a sadness. If I think they are a) really cut out for parenthood and b) if they really, REALLY want to become a parent (and I think only people who meet both criteria should even consider parenthood; we'd all be a lot better off if parenthood were a far rarer event, almost like a calling, like becoming a priest or rabbi, rather than the norm), then I'm happy *for them*, but still sad for myself, for the planet, and even for the other children who are already here (including my own niece and nephew, 12-year-old twins. What kind of air will they be breathing, what kind of water will they be drinking by the time they're 50?). I feel more or less the same twinge of sadness every time I see forest being cut down for new blights (I mean subdivisions): i.e., things will not be going back to the way they were; that land will never be forest again. Some happiness will likely be had in the resulting McMansion, but somehow it's a comedown from the timeless majesty of that forest.

As for the attention expectant moms get, all, I can say is "Living well is the best revenge". CFs live well, in the *big-picture* equation, in comparison with a few fleeting moments of supposed glamour at a baby shower. There's a big trade-off there: 18+++ years of being tied down to a child. Yes, he might end up a Mozart or an Einstein, as so many parents hope, but he might have as good a chance of becoming a Ted Kazinski (the Unabomber) or a Son of Sam. The really smart money, however, is that the child will be completely, terminally, ho-hum *average*. That's why it's important to only become a parent if your main goal is wanting to nurture a child --- not because you have some particular goal for his/her future (like saving Social Security, being company for you when you're old, curing cancer, etc.).

Sting, a musical hero of mine, has unfortunately taken this type of "children are the future" POV to ridiculous lengths; even though he's been really good about raising $ to save the rainforest, perhaps it would have been better if he had forgone having most or all of his 5, 6, 7 kids (what's he up to by now?), complete with their full-on English Castle/Western lifestyles. Going on the some of the breederboards turns my stomach in many ways, not least of which when supposedly green-leaning moms say (no doubt in a bright tone of voice, if they were speaking rather than typing!): "I'm raising my half-dozen kids to be future advocates for the environment!" You can almost hear them as they wait for their pat on the back...which won't be forthcoming. Even the other moms on those boards only want to talk about their own kids, not listen to stories about anyone else's. What a tower of babel.

Happy to have found some decent online company here,

Elise