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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 140
Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 140 |
Hi. I'm new here. I'm 26, in a committed relationship (not married, don't see the need to marry) and child-free (intend to stay that way).
I've been reading a lot of the posts and I just don't get the enmity between CF and childed.
I'm happy being CF. My friends are happy with their offspring. I care about these folks as people and I'm glad they feel comfortable enough to share their happiness with me and include me and my SO in their gatherings. Sure, they have other stuff they COULD talk about; but, nothing else that they're more proud of and want to show off more.
And I sort of look at it this way. There's going to come a time when I get really old and tell stories over and over and over again, talk about my personal illnesses or maybe the SO that died before me (he's sure to, he's older) and how much I miss him. I hope someone cares enough about me to listen then.
So, I don't mind spending a while listening to the proud parents rattle on. Life doesn't have to be about me or my interests all the time. I don't have kids, so I've got a few moments to spare.
WildFern
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 263
Shark
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Shark
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 263 |
Well, if you've read through the posts then you should know where a lot of the enmity comes from. Many of the people on here have experienced intense pressure from family, friends, and coworkers to have children; many have been called names and been accused of being weird, selfish, cold, unnatural. Many are sick of having to explain WHY they don't want children, over and over and over again. I've been lucky myself in that respect but I, like many others, get annoyed at having to pick up the slack for parents at work who expect those of us who don't have children to work the longer hours, to cover for them when they miss work because Junior's got diaper rash. Many of us who actually spend the majority of our work day working get annoyed at the disruption caused by people bringing their children to work, or people standing around in the break room for a half hour each morning to tell each other about the exciting things their child did the night before. This of course does not apply to all parents, but it's common enough that you can find any number of articles written on the subject.
There are also a lot of us who get sick and tired of seeing the welfare mom at the grocery store who has a half dozen kids under the age of eight and who is pregnant with number 7, all the while paying for her groceries with the food stamps that our tax dollars provided. Many of us get angry at having trips to restaurants, movies, and other events ruined because some parent couldn't be bothered to exercise any control over their unruly children. This forum allows us the opportunity to vent to others that understand our frustration.
I too have a few moments to spare since I don't have kids, however I feel my moments are just as important as a parent's, and don't appreciate having them taken up with detailed descriptions of what was in Baby Jane's diaper.
I'm happy for you that you haven't faced this sort of criticism or been exposed to this sort of unfairness, but know that that is not the case for most of the people who post messages on this forum.
Mother always said that even when things seem bad there's someone else who's having a worse day. Like being stung by a bee or getting a splinter or being chained to the wall in someone's sex dungeon.
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 32
Newbie
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Newbie
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 32 |
If you no longer have anything in common with your friends, which clearly you don't if they are only interested in their kids lives, then you need to get some new friends. I know it sounds harsh, but our friends are those who make us happy and have common interests. Clearly this is not the case with the people you mentioned.
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 115
Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 115 |
Anyone who has not had their childfree life choice questioned time and time again is indeed lucky! I would consider myself to be fairly confident and honest; i believe wholeheartedly in my choice. However, it is questioned time and time again by parents. I don't presume to ask people why they have children, so why do they want to know why i don't? In a perfect world, childfree and childed would co-exist blissfully. But, other people's children have an impact on our lives when they share our space. On the flip side, our decision to be childfree does not affect these parents, so why does it bother them so much that they question it?
I don't think that many of us would keep a friendship with someone who hassles us about our status; the annoyance mostly comes from acquaintances, co-workers and family. These are people that often can't be avoided.
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 140
Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 140 |
Moms on welfare don't bother me. I'm in the U.S. and federal laws say they only get bennies for 2, even if they have 7 or 8. As long as the support is targeted to help the kids, I'm okay with that. Sure, abuse happens, but I feel the majority use it when they need it. My opinion.
I just don't feel ousted by the childed friends I have and my CF friends are just as supportive. So I don't feel I have to look elsewhere for special friendships.
My SO (he's reading over my should this morning) doesn't have any of these issues either. We're trying to understand. Sorry if I offend with comments, but its difficult wrapping my mind around the concept that CF would feel a need to be separate from childed in any way.
WildFern
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 140
Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 140 |
And I don't mean to hog post space. I'm stuck at home with a broken leg (water ski incident... 3 fractures and a bunch of pins) and no adult company (my SO just left, sibs/parents at work) so here I am.
WildFern
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 263
Shark
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Shark
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 263 |
The whole concept of welfare bugs the hell out of me. I don't care how many kids a person is getting benefits for; they shouldn't have had the first one if they couldn't afford to care for it. I think it's a necessary evil because the children shouldn't be punished for having a leech for a parent, but I think the system needs a severe overhaul.
Mother always said that even when things seem bad there's someone else who's having a worse day. Like being stung by a bee or getting a splinter or being chained to the wall in someone's sex dungeon.
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 140
Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 140 |
I'm not bothered by it. I consider it a necessary evil. I've met men and women from all kinds of circumstances that had to tap into the system at one point or another. They're not all teen parents, loafs and bums; and many were doing okay prior to the circumstances that led them to tap into the system (am I repeating myself? the vicodin messes with my head). Time limits, work requirements and limits on the number of kids that make you qualify help balance things out. Abuses will happen, no matter what system we have. But I think there has to be a safety nent of some kind.
WildFern
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 263
Shark
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Shark
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 263 |
I don't mind spending a while listening to the proud parents rattle on. The difference for me is that when I am having a conversation with someone, I talk about things that are of mutual interest. My running partner and I could probably talk about running for hours, but that would be deathly boring to other people, which is why I don't talk about it with them. I have a friend who wouldn't crack open a book if you held a gun to her head, so I don't tell her about what I'm currently reading. It's why I don't talk to my husband about clothes or makeup. A lot of parents - a lot of people in general, but parents are the subject - don't adhere to that rule of thumb and seem to think just because something is of interest to them or important to them, that the rest of us give a rat's a**. So if parents want to talk to each other about their children that's fine (just not while blocking my access to the freakin' copy machine....) but why do these types of parents talk to ME about it?!
Mother always said that even when things seem bad there's someone else who's having a worse day. Like being stung by a bee or getting a splinter or being chained to the wall in someone's sex dungeon.
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 498
Gecko
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Gecko
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 498 |
Well, if you've read through the posts then you should know where a lot of the enmity comes from. Many of the people on here have experienced intense pressure from family, friends, and coworkers to have children; many have been called names and been accused of being weird, selfish, cold, unnatural. Many are sick of having to explain WHY they don't want children, over and over and over again. I've been lucky myself in that respect but I, like many others, get annoyed at having to pick up the slack for parents at work who expect those of us who don't have children to work the longer hours, to cover for them when they miss work because Junior's got diaper rash. Many of us who actually spend the majority of our work day working get annoyed at the disruption caused by people bringing their children to work, or people standing around in the break room for a half hour each morning to tell each other about the exciting things their child did the night before. This of course does not apply to all parents, but it's common enough that you can find any number of articles written on the subject.
There are also a lot of us who get sick and tired of seeing the welfare mom at the grocery store who has a half dozen kids under the age of eight and who is pregnant with number 7, all the while paying for her groceries with the food stamps that our tax dollars provided. Many of us get angry at having trips to restaurants, movies, and other events ruined because some parent couldn't be bothered to exercise any control over their unruly children. This forum allows us the opportunity to vent to others that understand our frustration.
I too have a few moments to spare since I don't have kids, however I feel my moments are just as important as a parent's, and don't appreciate having them taken up with detailed descriptions of what was in Baby Jane's diaper.
I'm happy for you that you haven't faced this sort of criticism or been exposed to this sort of unfairness, but know that that is not the case for most of the people who post messages on this forum. [color:"blue"] Thank you, sofie!!! I'm infertile and get hinted at, bingoed, hounded, and have ppl shove their babies in my face, ect. I've been ignored, looked down upon, thought as 'not much of a woman.' ect. I have a sibling or sil get pregnant and have it literaly shoved down my throat. I've been told, "just adopt!" and "just relax and it'll happen." Well, that's not the case with painful endometriosis. I'm sick of it. [/color]
If motherhood doesn't interest you, don't do it. It didn't interest me, so I didn't do it. Anyway, I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn't do what I wanted, I'd kill him."
--Katherine Hepburn
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