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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,004
Wolf
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OP
Wolf
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,004 |
If you happen to cheat once because you could not control yourself, but love your partner very much, what should you do? Inform your partner and risk a break-up or hide?
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 7,189
BellaOnline Editor Chimpanzee
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BellaOnline Editor Chimpanzee
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 7,189 |
It is a very hard secret to live with.
But you do risk the very real possibility of losing your spouse if you confess the truth. And the loss may not come right away, sometimes the hurt festers inside the spouse for years, and then the breakup comes.
The deicision to make is whether one is confessing to the spouse in order to have complete honesty within the marriage (which has already been broken anyway), or if the confession is being made simply to alleviate the feeling of guilt the adulterer can no longer live with.
If, however, it is a matter that the cheating might occur again, or that it could impact the family in some way in the future - then yes, admitting to the cheating is necessary.
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 8,850
BellaOnline Editor Stone Age Human
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BellaOnline Editor Stone Age Human
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 8,850 |
My opinion is to keep it a secret and resolve to stay faithful now.
We all make mistakes and learning from them by not repeating them leads to personal growth.
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,079
Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,079 |
The question you must ask yourself is: Do I really want to hurt my spouse by telling him/her this information? Sometimes, the need to tell is really just the need to assuage the guilt feelings.
I agree with Susan, resolve to be faithful, learn from it, and don't hurt your spouse by telling your secret.
Sacred Jude in My Life, Miracles Abound!!
"Allow your dreams to become your plans."
Kristen
Kristen Houghton
Author and Relationship Writer
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 263
Shark
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Shark
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 263 |
I agree with everyone else. The cheater should keep it to themselves; they'll only end up hurting the cheated-on spouse. People confess to alleviate their own guilt and the cheater doesn't deserve that relief at the expense of the cheated-on spouse. You can't undo the past; just keep your mouth shut and vow to be better from here on out.
Mother always said that even when things seem bad there's someone else who's having a worse day. Like being stung by a bee or getting a splinter or being chained to the wall in someone's sex dungeon.
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 311
Shark
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Shark
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 311 |
Definitely Hide it. Once a little thread is broken in a marriage, and the lack of trust comes in it can be fatal. It does eat away at a person. Both the one that was unfaithful and the one that is being told.
Good friends are like stars. You don't always see them
but you always know they are there.
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 49
Newbie
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Newbie
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 49 |
OMG. Do not know how much guilt u will be carry around. Please take this from someone who knows ok.:) My husband and i were really really really having a hard time. Then my brother died and i was in this dark place and met someone who i thought who cared about me. So i cheated on my husband and i carried for well over a year and i cried and cried. One night i just told him. We both cried. I told him how sorry i was and how much he really means to me and no one else would ever take his place. And forgave me because my husband truly loves me. And after i told him that heavy weight that i was carring around was gone. I better in ways and but sad that i hurt my husband. We sat up all night long and talk we until the next morning and we didn't do that in years. So i will would tell. More u try to hide it the more u actually hurt if u truly love this person.
Love is the greatest gift in the world so why hide it when you could use it.:)
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,004
Wolf
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OP
Wolf
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,004 |
OMG. Do not know how much guilt u will be carry around. Please take this from someone who knows ok.:) My husband and i were really really really having a hard time. Then my brother died and i was in this dark place and met someone who i thought who cared about me. So i cheated on my husband and i carried for well over a year and i cried and cried. One night i just told him. We both cried. I told him how sorry i was and how much he really means to me and no one else would ever take his place. And forgave me because my husband truly loves me. And after i told him that heavy weight that i was carring around was gone. I better in ways and but sad that i hurt my husband. We sat up all night long and talk we until the next morning and we didn't do that in years. So i will would tell. More u try to hide it the more u actually hurt if u truly love this person. This may not happen with everyone.
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,090
Koala
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Koala
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,090 |
I agree with Lamoona...what happens if your husband finds out from someone else? He may not believe that it was a one time occurance.
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.
~anonymous~
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 91
Amoeba
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Amoeba
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 91 |
I would definately say tell. The secret keeping is worse and hurts both parties more when the it's found out.
The only time I cheated on my husband, (than fiance) I fessed up as soon as I got home. There was no way I could hide it. I had to give up all my friends (as they were the reason I'd cheated...people who used me for sex and than sent me away) and didn't have any real social contact outside my mate for a long time but it was worth it. To this day, I am not permitted to have any male friends but better that than losing the man I love forever.
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