BellaOnline Forums Relationships Bereavement Shadow Grief... Share your story

I have posted an essay entitled "Welcome Shadow Grief" that tells of an experience I had. Have you experienced Shadow Grief? I would love to hear your story.

http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art44221.asp

Love,
Corinne

Hello, I am new here. How do I get to your essay "Welcome Shadow Grief"?

In December of 1999 I lost my little sister, she was in her vehicle and crossed a railroad crossing and was hit by an train. In June 2004 I lost my older brother to ALS (Lou Garretts Disease)My brother and I was close. In February 2005 I lost my mother and I am now living with my father and his health is declining. I am single with 2 kids. Sometimes I feel so alone. It is wierd I feel like I have found peace with my sister and my mother, but my brother...I miss him, he could make me laugh so hard, I mean I would laugh from my soul, he is the only one that has been able to do that. I watched him struggle with life in general, than when he found out he was dying, man. It makes me proud how he handled it, he found peace, he comforted us, I watched him say his goodbyes, I watched his hurt and heartbreak for his young son and how he never showed it when he was with him, he would come to me and say Sandy I don't want to die, and I would have to snap him out of that mode. A couple of weeks before he died, we said our goodbyes to each other. It was a moment that is precious to me, I cherish it, I feel lucky that I or we was able to have that goodbye. My heart misses him, He is never gonna knock on my door again, he is never gonna come to my house to get something to eat. He is never gonna make me laugh again.

When my sister died, I know she came to me in my dreams, she let me know she was ok. I know it was real. Mike, my brother or my mother have not come to me in my dreams. Now I use to hear momma's voice alot, or she would always be on my mind because my dad was living on his own and it was up to me to take care of him, she told me this before she died. So finally I got my father moved in with me, now I don't hear her, I can hear her laugh every now and than. LOL

Dear Sandy,

I am sorry I didn't have a link to the article in my post. I went ahead and added it above there for you.

I am so sorry for all of this loss you have faced. It is just heartbreaking. I understand what you mean about wishing you would dream more about htem. I have had one dream with my mom in it, but she didn't say a word. She was dancing at a club... was that a message she was ok?

To lose your brother who was so close to you is tragic. ALS is such a horrible disease. I don't have any advice for you, but I send my thoughts and prayers to you hoping that you do find some peace in your heart.

Sincerely,
Corinne

I believe that was a message that she was and is ok. Sometimes I find hard to understand this life and death thing. All I know is before my little sis passed on I was scared to death of dying, I would ask God in my prayers to please let me live through the next day, but after she died I no longer was scared.

Sandy

Sandy,

The more I think about it the more I have to agree that either she was telling me to stop worrying about stuff and just go with the flow, or that she was and is just fine. Either way, I take it as a message.

I feel the same as you about losing my fear of death. I no longer face that fear at all. I don't want to die, and I love living my life... but I feel anymore that there is something to look forward to - for lack of a better word.

Thinking of you,
Corinne

I don't have a story, but in one of the books I read they recommended trying a poem, an honest one, about the one you lost. I feel a little odd, but I suppose sharing it will help me. It may sound harsh, but my father taught me so many wonderful things in spite of his own suffering.

Your chair is empty, the ashtray gone, the grumble
of your indifference squelched. Your laughter
turning into choking, your smile and warm hugs
gone. The barrel chest the balding head, the
whiskers just in time for 1st and ten. Your pain
is ended the nightmares over, hopefully you�ve
found an after-life that�s sober. You�re dearly
missed and still loved deeply. I love you Dad, even
through my weeping. You�re always here inside my
heart, and even my head won�t let you out.

what a wonderful poem...

I often remember my great-grandmother when I smell a certain perfume, I didn't realize there was a name for it. Instantly I remember her smiling face and the wonderful hugs she always had for us.