BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Loss of a pet

This isn't a childfree issue, but childfree people tend to be pet lovers so I figured this would be a good forum for my rant.

We recently had to put our dog to sleep. Frank was 18 years old (seriously) - I�d had him over half my life. My husband and I were devastated but we knew it was time and we're at peace with our decision.

People were wonderful at the time, sending cards, flowers, and kind words - pets, particularly dogs, are a big deal in our circle of friends � but within a week of his death, people started asking me if we were going to get a new dog. It was understandable coming from people that don't know me that well or people who aren't pet owners and don't understand, but now I'm hearing it from people who should know better...my mother-in-law, for example. And then just last night one of our closest friends asked if we were going to get a new dog. I said it would be a while and he asked why. This is the same guy who lost his 9 year old dog to cancer last October, was a wreck for months, and just got a new dog a couple weeks ago. My dog's only been gone a couple months and I had him twice as long!

I don't equate the loss of a pet to the loss of a child, but people who know my husband and I should know that Frank was a big part of our lives and his death left a huge hole that's going to take a while to close. If I got a new dog now I would just resent him for not being Frank � and Frank enriched our lives so much that he deserves to be mourned for a little while.

Anyway � I just wanted to vent.

we had a cat that we dearly loved and when he was found dead it devestated us. He was part of our family.
I am happy that i have pics of him and will remember him always.
So sorry for your loss.

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(((((Hugs)))))
i'm so sorry for the loss of frank. he sounds like he must have been quite a pup.

it is definitely inappropriate for people to encourage you to get another dog so soon. you'll know when you're ready. he was a part of your life for almost 2 decades. you can't forget that overnight. of course, not everyone understands that. even pet-owners. we all have a different bond with our pets.

a few months ago, a coworker (single, childless, older) had to put her cat willie to rest. linda was devastated. i remember crying with her and hoping she'd be okay. one of our co-workers asked her what was wrong, and when linda explained, the lady said, "well, just get another cat." OMG! i won't repeat what linda said, but it effectively shut the woman up.

i've definitely wondered if linda is getting another cat one of these days, but i'm not going to voice it to her anytime soon. willie was her soul. he was there when she went through a divorce, breast cancer, a career change. you can't "replace" that.

people do say awful things to others when they don't understand a loss. i had a very early miscarriage several years ago and was heartbroken (we didn't choose cf). a coworker said to me, "well, you can just try again." <img src="/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> i don't speak to her anymore. i am still carrying a grudge years later.

i hope your friends and family start to get the idea that frank cannot be replaced. another dog may come into your lives again soon. it may not. but they need to butt out and quit pushing. i hope they do soon.

do you have any pics of frank to show us? if you dont' mind?

Sofie,
Your Frank was a part of your family. He is in your heart. Many people simply do not understand this; he was your baby.

I know how you feel. We had to euthanize our beloved coker spaniel, Trevor. He was 14 years and 8 months old, and very sick, but it still ripped our hearts out.That was 17 monyths ago and we still can't adopt another puppy. It takes time.


Sacrd Jude in My Life, Miracles Abound!!

Sorry for the spelling mistakes!The pet issue upsets me.


Sacred Jude in My Life, Miracles Abound!!

See, I knew the people here would understand. Thank you all for your kind words.

Holly, I have about 8,000 pictures of Frank....his life was very well documented. I'd love to share one, but it doesn't appear that I can post a picture that isn't on a webpage - is that right?

Kristen, I'm sorry about Trevor. Frank was part cocker spaniel too. My parents had a border collie mix that they had to euthanize when she was 17. It was about three years before they could get another pet - and then it was pure happenstance; a stray kitten that showed up demanding to be fed. It's been a decade since they had Dilly put to sleep, but my mom still gets teary-eyed sometimes when she talks about her. That cat sure is spoiled though:)

We hada pet dog and lost her six months back. I can stll feel that she is walking around the house. She was a dear.
I miss her a lot.

Dear Sofie,
I can relate to what you are going through. I have had to say that sad 'good bye' to so many of my beloved animals, and it never gets easier.

You need time to grieve before thinking of getting another dog. You will know when the time is right, and just ignore these people who don't understand.

I am giving you a poem I wrote for my girl Lisa, after she died. Since then I have shared it with many, and I know Lisa would be happy about that. She was a most loving girl and I lost her to a blood disease when she was 10 yrs old.

I have three dogs at present, all the same breed, but all different, and Lisa will always be loved and missed, no matter how many I have. Each one is so special in their own way.

I hope this poem may bring you the comfort it brought me when I wrote it for her. It has comforted so many people who have lost a beloved dog. Please feel free to share it if you wish.

YOU NEVER WENT AWAY

I hear your footsteps on the path and feel them in my heart,
For you are not really gone; we are not really apart!
I still hear your joyful bark, greeting me when I come home,
I feel your gentle tongue, and know that I am not alone.

The few precious years we shared, the joy we knew together
Were everlasting moments that can never die, not ever!
For you were all the world to me, your love was pure and true,
Indeed, you were the greatest friend that my heart ever knew!

So run and leap across the fields, be strong and free once more; Romp with your friends, and dance with joy, the way you did before...
I shall feel your joy and peace, and gratefully I say
That deep within my heart I know - you never went away!

Our two cats mean the world to us, and I don't know what we'll do when something happens to them. They are turning 7 in July, which isn't that old, but it seems like just yesterday that they were kittens, and were all scared hiding under our bed...

Anyway, my mom lost her beloved Lua to feline lukemia about 5 years ago now, and she still gets a little choked up when she talks about her. She had another cat, but he's not exactly the cuddling type. He is more like a panther.

My mom decided to adopt a dog about 6 weeks later. That was her decision, and she knew what would be best for her.

Sometimes people NEVER get another pet. I know people who had such a hard time with the loss of a pet, they could never get another one. Others change species, like my mom. And still others want to fill the silence right away. What works for some, won't work for others.

Anyway, when my mom lost her cat, I found this website that might help:

http://rainbowsbridge.com/

You can meet others who are also dealing with the loss of a pet, as well as set up a memorial to your pet. It is a great site, with lots of ways to find support during this difficult time.

Kim
MNK Editor