BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Out of the Loop

Where do I begin? My best friend got pregnant, I guess that's where it started. I tried to be excited..I acted excited! I attended all the showers, went to doctor appointments, I even was there for the birth of the baby. My friend, and I use to be so close. We use to call each other everyday, run errands together.. we were on the go! We use to laugh at some of our friends who had kids because they never wanted to get out or go out. Well.... everything has changed... Now that my friend has her baby, I don't ever hear from her! I try to call her, but she never answers..either cell or home phone. The thing that really bothers me is that she does call and talk to friends, but it seems to be those friends that have kids. Her friend Lisa just had a kid, so the two of them will get togehter and nurse and chat...but she won't even call me back! I am totally out of the loop! And you know, I honestly don't want to be there for the "milking sessions" however, it really gets me because we use to be so close, and now I seem to be "out" because I am don't and probably won't have children.

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Two of my closest friends had babies, one had a boy 3 years ago and the other also had a boy a year ago. The first girl we where close, now I dont hear from her at all. The second girl phones now and again but doesnt seem to want to bother. I can understand to a certain point that their baby is important and attention has to go on that, BUT what about the friend thats been there for them for years, just dropped in an instant!

[color:"darkgreen"] I'm sorry to hear about your ex-friend. If they can't find time for you, maybe they aren't worth having (as a friend). [/color] <img src="/images/graemlins/irish.gif" alt="" />

You aren't alone! This happens all the time, and it really hurts, in a way most people can't understand.

I have two articles that might help:

Another One Bites the Dust
In this special article, guest contributor and life coach Lisa del Solar explores the actions we can take to help us deal with friends becoming parents.
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art14951.asp

When Friends Get Pregnant
Have you ever felt happy AND sad when a friend announces she�s expecting? Do you find yourself faking a smile and worried about the future of your friendship? You�re not alone.
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art14953.asp

Hope these will provide SOME comfort, though they can't replace the hole left in your life when friends grow apart...

Kim
MNK Editor

I can totally relate too. My former college roommate & best friend of about 15 years and I also used to talk about how life was easier with no kids. We hung out together all the time, knew eachother's families, had boyfriends who were best friends, and years of history and good times. Then, just about three years ago she gets pregnant, and that's it. I'd call to check in on her (let's say the father wasn't available), and while I'd sometimes reach her, it was generally hard. Then soon after the birth, she blew me off. What really hurt was that when I reached her by phone--again, just to check in and say hi and all that--she apologized for not calling me because, as she said, "you didn't make it on my to-do list." Well, that hurt alot. From that point forward I thought, "forget this." So, needless to say, I didn't call back, and she never bothered to call me. I missed her friendship alot, and was really hoping to be a part of her child's life, but I guess it didn't work out that way. I know it's my pride getting in the way of calling now, but we all have our flaws.

So although it's not that uncommon, it's still hurtful, so hang in there.

It may just be one of those cases where you can't save the friendship. Some people just turn that way once they have kids.

On a similar note, I recently ended a friendship b/c they would rather watch television than be my friend. They refused to change, so needless to say, we're not friends anymore. I didn't make it onto their "to-do" list either. And they don't even have kids. I just got tired of being the last resort for when there was nothing else to do.

I guess you'll just have to look at the more positive aspects of ending that friendship. Remember the good times and that's all you can do. Friendships are tricky things, especially when kids enter the picture. I think you find out which friends are still willing to make that extra time, and those who refuse to. Fortunately I haven't been alienated by someone's children yet. But I still feel for you Fractal.