BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Why Get Married?

[color:"red"] That's why *I* got married! Congrats on getting married btw! [/color] <img src="/images/graemlins/fish.gif" alt="" /> [/quote]

Thanks! I'm looking forward to it. <img src="/images/graemlins/heart.gif" alt="" />

Well, here in Ireland co-habiting couples don't have any inheritance rights. So if you want to be sure you're taken care of if one of you dies, you have to get married.
Doesn't sound very romantic, does it?
For myself, my husband and i got married because we were in love and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We eloped, so we didn't even want the big wedding thing.
If i were doing it over again, i might not get married, but just make sure we were legally taken care of in the event of death. Since we did, it's been one question after another from relatives and strangers: When are you going to buy a house? When are you going to have kids? Aren't you able to have kids? What does your husband think about the fact that you don't want to have kids?
On and on and on...... Funnily enough, before we got married, they would ask when we were going to give everybody 'a day out' (wedding). I guess there'll always be questions.

I think there are always going to be questions like that. I have an uncle who, as soon as I started dating my ex, began asking when I would give him a wedding to go to. I knew he was kidding, as he's a habitual teaser but I've learnt that you're always going to have someone asking you some question when it comes to just about anything in life. When I was in college, it was, "So when are you going to graduate? What are you going to do after graduation? Why did you even go to school?"
As soon as my fiance and I got engaged, my mother asked, "So when are you getting married? Where are you going to live?" I was like, "Um... I haven't a clue?"

<img src="/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I think there are always going to be questions like that. I have an uncle who, as soon as I started dating my ex, began asking when I would give him a wedding to go to. I knew he was kidding, as he's a habitual teaser but I've learnt that you're always going to have someone asking you some question when it comes to just about anything in life. When I was in college, it was, "So when are you going to graduate? What are you going to do after graduation? Why did you even go to school?"
As soon as my fiance and I got engaged, my mother asked, "So when are you getting married? Where are you going to live?" I was like, "Um... I haven't a clue?" [/quote]

Questions from relatives are tough, because there's sort of an expectation of candor there. However, from strangers, it's a totally different thing. Take a page out of the Miss Manners school. If asked "When are you having kids?" by a stranger or an acquaintance, I always like to answer "My, that's a really personal question". If they persist, just repeat yourself --- after all, that's what *they're* doing. The Victorians had it right about a few things, and the refusal to stoop to the "instant intimacy" we sometimes expect of each other these days was one of 'em, IMO.

When I was in my 20s and in a live-in relationship, then later married to the same guy, there were a lot of questions asked of me about kids (primarily by moms, aunts, and grandmothers of private flute students of mine). As I remained married through my mid-30s, the questions *did* drop off. I had to be tactful, of course, as these people were my customers. Now that I'm engaged again at 40 (hubby-to-be is 44, snipped, and the step-dad of a 24-year-old daughter; even though she's not his biological child and he didn't formally adopt her, he did raise her jointly with his ex-wife since she was 4 years old), there haven't been any questions, either. <grin>

If the person asking the questions is a complete stranger you're not likely to see again, try the following:

Stranger: "So, when are you gonna have kids?"

Response: "When you get some manners?"

or

"Interesting question. How much money did you make last year?"

or

"Great question. What's your favorite sexual position?"

The last two are great because they are verrrrrry personal questions as well, and drive home the fact that the kid question is also personal and shouldn't be asked cavalierly, PERIOD.

The first one is just, well....snarky. Never quite had the guts to try it myself.

If the question comes from an acquaintance who promises to become a friend, or is phrased more along the lines of "*Are* you planning on having kids?", then there's a wonderful opening to discuss it all far more rationally. It's posed as a true question, setting up the kid vs. no kid question as a true choice (which of course we all know it is), vs. the first phrasing of "WHEN", which has the tone of "Why aren't you with the program yet?" Many of my pals, childed and not, have posed the question and phrased it this way. The ensuing conversations were wonderful.

Elise

Nonmarried couples do not have the same legal rights as married couples. I plan to marry at least once in my life.
Why not find that special one so I can annoy him for the rest of his life (or for a couple of months anyway)

[color:"blue"] I hate how if you are unable to have kids, peole either look down upon or pity you. I'll be thinking that God made me this way, for a specific reason and noone is to argue with God. [/color] <img src="/images/graemlins/wall.gif" alt="" />

Guess me and the SO are lucky. We just don't get these questions. Not that we'd mind if did.

We've no intention of marrying. We don't see the benefit of it--especially tax wise.

"I'm getting married because I wish to act as a leaning shoulder, a rock and a support for my fiance. I want to help him when he's hurting, comfort him when he's sad and support him in all of his dreams. I want to experience the beauties and hardships of life with him by my side because he gives me strength to face the day."

PepeluTivursky, that's beautiful! <img src="/images/graemlins/heart.gif" alt="" />

Howdy from your recently-married, childfree neighbor in Indiana. {{waves hello}}

Plus you get presents. <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />