BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage How do you get what you need from a relationship?

I didn't leave him to "see the other guy." The reasons we broke up were many and complex, but that was not one of them. There's lots of background here, as I keep saying, so if you're going to respond to me, PLEASE pay attention only to what I'm saying, and don't attempt to fill in the blanks on your own.

I cannot give you more background information. You are just going to have to trust me when I say that I've ALWAYS looked at things from his point of view. It was only when I stopped to take a look at the relationship from my own point of view that I realized there were problems. My taking an honest look at the relationship was what led to our breakup. Prior to that, I bent to his needs; accommodated every one of his eccentricities without ever even asking him to accommodate me in any way. At that time, I decided to face the harsh reality that I wasn't getting even my most basic needs met in the relationship. I tried talking to him about it more than once, but never got anywhere. In the end, I had no choice at that time but to leave.

I came to this forum in a moment of extreme anxiety over the way I was feeling, and was hoping to find some kind of relief in sharing my feelings and in getting some objective feedback. I didn't post here to be judged or irritated, so at this point, I'll just take the positive feedback that many of you offered, say thank you, and move along.

I am sorry if you felt judged here at the Marriage forum. That is the last thing, I as a moderator, or any editor here at Bella would want.This is a forum for people who want to share their concerns with others. Open-mindedness is a key to that function. It is not right for others to judge you. I do apologize.

I hope you have found some positive feedback here and that you will come back and visit the forum. You are always welcome.

Good luck with everything. I do agree with you that going back to a horrible job situation cannot be tolerated. I've been there and would never go back. I'd starve first, believe me!!No job that attempts to take away your sense of self is worth it.


Sacred Jude in My Life, Miracles Abound!!

open-minded single choice
	I am open-minded and fair when reading others' posts
	I feel compelled to judge if I see a post with which I strongly disagree.
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I was coming from this point of view. But I am sorry that I irritatated you.

Sorry to throw myself into the fray here, and play devil's advocate, but if you look at your post, and read it dispassionately, that's exactly what it sounds like....





Without both sides, or more information, people can only comment on what you contribute...However sympathetic we might be, we're not psychic....






When you expose yourself vulnerably and openly, everybody will attempt to respond in as constructive and compassionate a way as possible. Knowing Cdmohatta as I do, whose command on the English language is somewhat lesser than ours, due to English not being the mother tongue, no judgement was intended...Just a suggestion to see the situation in a more broad and open, all-round manner. I know CDM had no intention of either judging or criticising...
But when you lay your life open and exposed, like an open book, you are going to have to accept a diversity of responses, some of which even if they go against what you seek, are nonetheless valid and constructive, if you try to learn from them...

The Moderator here may well have apologised, and understandably so... But I get the impression this is a highly sensitive and painful subject for you....so you are bound to be on the defensive....Even so, I do not think the apology is entirely justified. CJM was only trying to help.....
Your response was a little bit "prickly" in my humble opinion....
Care of speech, phraseology and intention works both ways....

Alexandra, you are right in stating that when a person lays their life life open and exposed there are bound to be diverse opinions and not all to a person's liking. Any personal painful situation will always be a tender and sore subject for the person involved. We can only give friendly advice.

My apology, on behalf of members of this forum, to Jewelchick was meant as a concillatory one in hopes that she will feel free to visit this forum in the future.No one comment or person was sited. It was only made to let Jewelchick know that no malicious or unwanted statement was intended.

All are welcome here. Let kindness prevail.


Sacred Jude in My Life, Miracles Abound!!

Wow -- this stirred up something really weird.

In any case, crisis over, and things are fine now. However, to clarify: What upset me was it sounded as though I was being accused of having an affair, when I wasn't. Yes, I had noticed the guy, but come on, we all notice people we find attractive, even when we're happy with our partners.

I only mentioned that I'd "had my eye on" him by way of explaining how I was able to get involved with someone so quickly after my breakup. I just didn't want anyone to think I staked out a bar and grabbed the first guy I saw.