BellaOnline Forums News and Politics Crime What's really going on in Sex Offenders minds?

Really the only reason he was "robbed of his childhood" is because they weren't smart enough to practice safe sex. Maybe her young husband doesn't consider raising childern at his age a problem. Most teens are considered to be incapable to be good parents at that age, but in reality when it happens most of them step up their game & do a good job.
Many teenagers are sexually active & many people (teenagers included) have different perceptions & expectations of what their childhood is supposed to be like. Example, my female babysitter had sex with me when I was 13-14 years old & her 19-20. I didn't see myself as a child, but as a young man that wanted to grow, learn things & mature & sex was just part of that. Looking back at that age, I still feel like that's what I was. Sex was part of that learning & that's where my babysitter came in. I have no regrets & she didn't rob me of anything. I would of eventually had sex sooner or later anyways.
Whatever happens or don't happens in life is what happens & usually happens for a reason. What happened in his life at an early age isn't what typically happens to young teenage boys so we automatically assume it wasn't normal & he was robbed of his childhood. Judging life on "what ifs" & "what could of been" is a waste of time & energy. If people stopped trapping themselves in this linear way of thinking, we all would be happier in general.
I'm sure he notices the things that he may have not been able to do in his life, but maybe according to him they aren't as important to him as they are to the next teenager. Maybe he doesn't care & has no regrets. To him, this is perfectly normal or it is what it is.-
But who knows, they may not last & eventually break-up like many people do for whatever reason. Just based on his culture alone, I'll be suprised if that happens. He's Samoan & the Somoan culture is strong rooted in their family.

No absolutely not. I'm saying that for me, I felt my experience was positive. I'm mainly just pointing out the double-standards of it & that some people may not be as negatively affected as the next person. Most problems or occurrences in life become worse or more of a problem because society tends to sensationalize things so much, just like how you just sensationalized my post(s). <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Sex and anything to do with sex is sensationalized because most of us are founded on puritan values that are extremely repressive. I'm not saying we all need to take to the level of Albert Kinsey, but if we didn't have these repressive attitudes & double-standards I feel that their would be much less sex offenders in the world.

No, I didn't sensationationalize anything I simply asked you a question, because "I" had a deep care and concern.

A deep care and concern, because this forum has a following of teenagers.
And, I have a responsibility to them and their parents.
That's why I wanted to clear the matter up.

I can't run a crime forum promoting sex with underage children it's against the law and we can't engage in that dialog.

This is the reason I came to you and freespirit, I didn't go behind your backs I came to you both.

Vicki L. Forte'
Bellaonline
Crime Editor

Well I don't want to get into a semantics debate with you. I do respect your concern & appreciate you asking first. I just want you to know & everybody else that my intentions are to just to try & dig as deep as possible into this issue that is so prominent in our society.

I dont want to talk about this one....seems like it has hit a "nerve" so I am going to keep my opinions to myself if that is okay..

The only thing I will say about it is that everything is not black and white and each case is different.I know from personal experience as a teen with a partner that was 11 years my senior.What we were doing was against the law but we loved each other very much and did not feel like what we were doing was wrong.EACH CASE IS DIFFERENT!

Okay,I said I wasant going to talk about this so I will shut up now. <img src="/images/graemlins/beamedup.gif" alt="" />

OK I've stayed out of this discussion long enough. It's time you all heard from someone whose life WAS COPLETELY TWISTED, STUNTED, CRIPPLED AND DESTROYED BY CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE.

If you ahve had positive effects from your abuse AND IT WAS ABUSE, then you are one in a thousand and are extremely fortunate.

HOWEVER, I would ask you some questions.

1)Are you a qualified therapist with years of experience in counselling sexual abuse survivors?

2) How many other survivors who were abused at your age have you personally known and discussed this with?

3) How old are you now?

I was abused most of my life, either sexually or physically and mentally, and it led me to study to become a counsellor so that I could help others who were victims of sexual abuse, at any age, and it included many teenagers.

If you are under the age of 55, then YOU ARE NOT OUT OF THE WOODS YET MY FRIEND!

It has been a proven fact that teenagers who 'thought' the abuse had not hurt them, discovered to their horror that OTHER psychological problems arose later in life, and often around the age of forty or fifty.

NO ONE completely escapes the harm which is done to the developing mind and sexuality.

SEXUAL USE AND ABUSE OF ANY CHILD IS WRONG. AND IT IS DAMAGING.

The physical body is not fully developed and not 'ready' for the sexual experience, and the mind is not mature enough to understand the impact of what is happening.

Any woman or man, or mature person is committing a crime against humanity by inviting, pressing, tempting or otherwise encouraging a child (and anyone under the age of 17 IS a CHILD!)to indulge in sex with them.

There are NO 'positive' effects. There is only the fact that a child was taken advantage of, there are no positive outcomes from that invasion of the child's body at a time in their lives when they were not mature enough to know what impacts lay hidden in the shadows of the mind.

Patience, I agree with you 100% when it comes to childern, but with teenagers I still think it's very debatable. I commend you for all of your bravery in what you have determined to be a negative experience in your life. And I'm not disputing your personal experience as to whether or not it was negative or positive. You've determined that it wasn't good and therefore it wasn't. I'm also agreeing that you can probably speak for the majority as well that have been through similar experiences. What I'm saying is that I think there are exceptions & it sometimes can be unfair or even more damaging if we deal with each situation with a one size fits all approach.

You stated,
"If you have had positive effects from your abuse AND IT WAS ABUSE, then you are one in a thousand and are extremely fortunate."

If it was believed 100% to be positive when assessed & evaluated, than more than likely it wasn't abuse.

"If you are under the age of 55, then YOU ARE NOT OUT OF THE WOODS YET MY FRIEND!"

This may have been true for your case. Others have dealt with abuse & come to grips with it's effects sooner & others later than age 55. Most of us obtain more maturity & life experiences as each year passes. We know we're going to be more mature in 5 more years than the previous. But wait a minute, we'll be even more mature than that in another 5 years, so why don't we just hold off with sex until then? Sexual experiences tend to happen when we least expect it & we are never quite prepare for it when it does happen so why don't we just not have sex until we are 30 years old when all the stars & planets are aligned.

"The physical body is not fully developed and not 'ready' for the sexual experience, and the mind is not mature enough to understand the impact of what is happening"

As far as teenagers are concerned, this varies for many people as far as when somebody is mentally, emotionally, & physically ready for their first sexual experience.

"NO ONE completely escapes the harm which is done to the developing mind and sexuality."

It's not about escaping, it's about dealing with it to the best of your abilities & then moving forward with your life, which I understand can be harder for some than for others.

"Any woman or man, or mature person is committing a crime against humanity by inviting, pressing, tempting or otherwise encouraging a child (and anyone under the age of 17 IS a CHILD!)to indulge in sex with them."

Agreed! The law is the law but we have continuously let double standards when it comes to so called religious believes, females, & celebrities undermine the law by getting away with it countless amounts of times. Also, 17? I thought it was 18? Oh yeah each state is different. Why is each state different & what's up with that?

"There are NO 'positive' effects. There is only the fact that a child was taken advantage of, there are no positive outcomes from that invasion of the child's body at a time in their lives when they were not mature enough to know what impacts lay hidden in the shadows of the mind."

A child, yes. A teenager, I feel is still debatable.
If you are one who feels that sex should be more about procreation than pleasure, I could see why you would disagree with me. I feel that procreation & pleasure are as equally important aspect of sex.
Also, when it comes to a teenager, it may neither be positive or negative. Very few people really fully ready to have sex or no one really knows the breaking point as to when they are ready. If they do, I'm sure it's different for each individual person.

"Any woman or man, or mature person is committing a crime against humanity by inviting, pressing, tempting or otherwise encouraging a child (and anyone under the age of 17 IS a CHILD!)to indulge in sex with them."

What if you have a 15-16 year old girl who's not only extremely responsible for her age but also has done a lot of traveling, participated & excelled in many cultured programs such as sports, ballet, art, music, learned about different cultures. More than likely, this girl will not find the guys around her age appealing & the chances of finding a guy around her age who is as worldly & cultured as her are slim to none. She will lean more than likely toward being attractive & attracted to an older guy who she'll have more in common with who will more than like be older. Would if that guy happens to be in his mid to late 20's or even early 30's? Are we right to deny her of that relationship, if that's what she wants which would encourage her to either dumb herself down to date the guys around her age only to be treated like a piece of meat like most guys that age often do. You want to talk about girls being used & abused. No one does that more than the guys around their age. So if a girl is above & beyond that mentality, should we not let her experience a relationship with the older guy she probably has more in common with & would be treated with much more respect, or should we limit her to the teenage boys only who in all actuality are much more predatory & abusive in volume & frequency than any guy in any other age group?

Again, I'm all for getting rid off pedophiles & sex offenders that prey on childern. I also feel that if we didn't have these repressive attitudes & double-standards I feel that their would be much less sex offenders in the world.
Teenagers are a whole different issue as far as I'm concerned. The law needs to be more situational when it comes to teenagers. Just because you see a 16 year old dating a much older man or woman, doesn't necessarily mean that the younger person isn't mature enough to consent or is automatically a victim. And it also doesn't necessarily mean that the older person is automatically socially inept, a predator, pervert or control freak.
It depends on each individual person involved.

Sorry my friend, but at 13, you WERE A CHILD and at 19-20k your abuser WAS AN ADULT!

She took advantage of you, whether you accept that or not.

My grandmother was 16 years old when she and my grandfather got toogether...My grandfather was 29 so there was a 13 year age difference.

They were married for 45 years and my grandmother has never been with another since.
He was the love of her life...

Was she abused? I dont think so....He has been gone for a while now and she still misses him dearley.

I met my first love when I was 15 (as a penpal) we got toogether when I was 16 (he was 27) We had 4 beautiful years toogether - it did not work out but I would not take it back for anything in the world.I deffinatley was not abused and dont appreciate being told it was abuse when it was not.

Some people mature alot earlier than others and no I wasant looking for a father figure (geez wouldnt do those things with my Dad <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)

Freespirit, you were not 13.