BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Happy Non-Mother's Day!!!

Wow. Free hugs. Where do I sign up?

You know what? That was clearly uncalled for. Why do you seem to have an issue with ChildfreeNHappy? Are you secretly UNHAPPY with your own choice to have kids you can't deal with a CF person? The forum is called Married, NO KIDS, and since you have children, may I ask, why are YOU here?

See, ths is what I mean! Somebody comes on here with kids and takes offense to something a childfree person has written, and then they fly off the handle! <img src="/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Actually, I was just kidding....I was trying to make it a bit more light-hearted and not take things so seriously...

I tried to communicate that with the smilies, but unfortunately, the written word is not too good a medium to get that across with...

I think everyone needs to chill, frankly...
It really doesn't matter who posts what where....
I have kids. You don't.

Other than that small difference, you and I are just the same.

I'm actually a very friendly person, when you get to know me...
And I think this is being blown out of all proportion....
In the great scheme of things, will this discussion be sufficient to blast the earth out of its orbit around the sun?
I think not.

Your post was NOT lighthearted in the least.

"CfN seems to have a chip on her shoulder.... I have seen some of her posts and the content is a bit hostile toward those who have children, to say the least...."

Does this seem lighthearted to you? If someone were to turn it around and write the same things about you, would you take it as just joking? I don't think so.

For the record, it's NOT so small a difference when everywhre in the world, having kids is promoted and NOT having kids is looked upon as being weird, different or unusual, and far too many people with kids feel it's their God-given right to look down upon childfree people and friends and family members of those of us who are CF think it's perfectly natural to pressure the CF into having a kid, and if a childfree person gets sterilized, then we really get ostracized. (I.E. that stupid thread about how sterilized people are going to hell!)

Maybe MNK is not the place for me because I feel like I have to defend myself and others who are HAPPILY CHILDFREE against people who have kids coming on this board peeping through the keyhole, as it were, with their own agenda who, again, IMO, shouldn't really be commenting on ths paticular forum at all!

I don't go onto the parenting forums, so why are folks with kids so drawn to this board?? GAH! Off to other childfree boards!

i thought you were talking about the above specific post...



No, this wasn't lighthearted. this was an honest opinion, and if you look at her posts, I think you may see my logic. My posts however, have no hostility or animosity to them at all.
I don't think, with regard to your last sentence in the above quotation, that i have responded in a hostile manner anywhere, to personal criticisms, even though I have received some...
Point it out to me in my posts, and I would answer accordingly.



I am totally at one with your sentiment here, and have never done anything, or said anything contradictory... I completely agree with you....
I don't understand then, why you seem to feel it justified to clump me in with critics, (if that is what you are doing) If I've never said anything against you or what you decide....



With the greatest respect, What your friends and family members do, with regard to your decision to remain Child-free, is none of my business, concern or reponsibility.
I have ostracised nobody. I have never suggested sterilised people will "go to hell" either. That's plainly ludicrous.
That was an opinion put forward by someone devoutly Christian. i didn't even contribute to the thread, I don't think.... Or if I did, it was not in agreement with it...



I have no agenda...
I'm agreeing with you...
Where's the problem?



You're naturally free to go wherever you like! As am I!

Feel free also, to visit us on the Buddhism Forum.
I would welcome you unconditionally there, whether you are Christian, agnostic, atheist, Jewish, Moslem or from a different planet all together!

"...having kids is promoted and NOT having kids is looked upon as being weird, different or unusual, and far too many people with kids feel it's their God-given right to look down upon childfree people..."

VLM123, it sounds like you've had a lot of pain in your life at the hands of non-sympathizers. For this, I am very sorry, and I understand.

Let me say here that we all get [censored] for our life decisions, whether it is about being Childfree or choosing a certain religion, or political view, or lifestyle such as vegetarianism or keeping pets. There are tons of people out there who just want to pick on other people about anything and everything. That doesn't make it right, and I wish things were different.

That said, I doubt that Alexandra should be the one you take your frustrations out on. By saying that we are the same, she was showing that she doesn't think the Childfree are weird. It also does not sound like she "looks down" on us; her saying we're the same shows she thinks we're more-or-less equals.

If she says she was just kidding, we should try to take her word for it, and move on. It is true that text is a very poor medium for getting one's meaning across. Perhaps we have all learned to be explicitly clear if we are joking or being sarcastic here.

I also don't think any of us CF here on this forum should feel attacked, or the need to defend ourselves. All of the regular posters here are on our side, supporting the Childfree, otherwise they wouldn't be here; that includes the few regular posters who are parents, such as Alexandra and Lucky Star and others. I sincerely believe that these individuals come here with no agenda aside from trying to understand a different way of life.

I'm on your side, and on Alexandra's side; I'm on everyone's side! I want what's best for everyone here, and I'd like to promote understanding between people. The more we can work to promote understanding, the less we'll be ostracized for our decisions, and the less society in general will look down on us.

I can't speak for everyone here, because I don't own this forum. But as far as I'm concerned, you are always welcome on this board, and we support your life decisions. I'm sorry if anyone made you feel the opposite.

Take care, and may you find peace and joy in your life. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks again for your support - it's the hope of posting with other childfree people such as yourself that is the reason I came to this board!! I agree with all your points - if you find any forums that are just for the childfree (don't care about the married or not thing) - send me a message and let me know!!! I think you and I are frustrated because we came to this forum to discuss issues with other childfree people.

That's not to say anyone is against discussing issues with non-childfree people - it's just I can go to a parenting forum or I can do that in person with all the parents I am friends with. I don't know that many childfree people that I live near - so thus - looking for forums such as this, so I can converse online with other childfree people is my goal of visiting here. Simple as that - I'm not here to form a "mini-UN" and make peace between every person on Earth. I'm a realist and don't believe Utopia can exist here on Earth at this time. I am just looking for a childfree forum to talk to other childfree people through...and I agree - I'm not about to accept the sly implications/accusations that I am somehow not tolerant for just being able to read the title of this forum ...while being delivered to me at the same time with a smile and wish for peace.

I came to this forum because the No Kids applies to me - the lenghty discourses on other's parenting problems is what I would read if I wanted to go to a parenting forum. What's not to understand? That has nothing to do with preventing "peace" or coming between people's friendships. Insisting on using the No Kids board for childed-childfree friendships - well - why not use the Buddhist forum instead? I am not Buddhist - so I will never visit the Buddhist forum.

The attitude being directed at us seems to be the very attitude that a lot of parents have with their kids - that they can be everywhere (and yes - I guess they can - it's not against the law!!) - but is it right for them to be everywhere??? Some of us are looking for a little sanctuary in forums like this - and - yes anyone can post that wants to - but it is a matter of "politeness and respect" to turn that right back around!!

I do agree with the former sentiment aimed at me of "politeness and respect" - although in a different light....I respect parenting forums in that I do not visit there to be a cheerleader for parenting - (although I think parents that take parenting very seriously are much needed in this world!!! )- I'm sure a mom visiting mom's forum is looking for other moms to talk to. For the sake of arguement - if I ever did make a friend on a mom's forum - then I would feel more comfortable carrying on the friendship when it relates to non-mom-only issues to our personal e-mails. But - again - I wouldn't be visiting a mom's forum because I'm not a mom. I know I could - again - it's not against the law - but why would I want to?? Just the same as I wouldn't visit a Native-American forum - because I am not Native-American. Not to say I couldn't read what was on there - or even post a question if I felt I needed to be educated on certain points - but I respect they are there to discuss their issues and experiences as Native-Americans with other Native-Americans. I don't know how much more I can simplify the examples so they are understood! I know you feel the same way!!!

It's great certain people are close friends here - no one is prohibiting friendships between any people!!! As suggested I'm sure that friendship could also be maintained on other forums - like flower arranging or roller blading!!

Anyway - it's been nice reading your posts - send me a message if you find the type of Chidfree board that we both seem to be looking for!!! I'm getting tired of defending ourselves too - when I just wanted to find a truly childfree board. Perhaps I should seach for a Childfree/Parentfree board??? :-) Anyway - we're hoping to move to a new area soon that will have a large "No Kidding" group - have you ever been a member of one? Any thoughts or advice if you have belonged to one???

Hang in there...and hope to "see" you on another board!!!! :-)

*Blink blink* <img src="/images/graemlins/beamedup.gif" alt="" />

Erm...I don't really understand what just happened here.

I recommend just dropping the whole subject completely and taking care of it through private messages...I want to be a peacemaker, but I also don't want to clog up these forums with posts that are inappropriate.

We really should be focusing on general childfree or married-no-kids issues, not who offended who or who is making accusations.

And FYI, there were no accusations or blame-placing from me; I don't believe in such things. Peace is not made by pointing fingers. If I came off as having an accusatory tone, I'm truly sorry. As I said, everyone, I'm on your side, and I only aim to please!

From here on out, if any of you have a problem with me or a complaint about me, please let me know through private messages, and I will do my best to work things out with you. I really do want to see eye-to-eye with all of you on things, I don't want to argue, and I want to be as accommodating as possible. And above all, I want to take it off of the public forums and into a more appropriate mode of communication (private messages).

I'll be consistent in saying this: may peace be with you all! <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I agree totally.Lets all just stick toogether and support each other could we?

we all know how hard it is in the real world dealing with this issue.Nobody has come into this room attacking us and Everyone has the right to be here children or no children and I dont want to be rude at all but if anybody has a big issue with this then there are plenty of boards out there for childfree only.Ask Childfreeandhappy - I PM her and gave her a good name of a childfree board - where "no Parunts(sic) are allowed.