BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids This is the most populare forum at bella

<img src="/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Guess a lot of people just can't deal with those of us who have exercised our right to choose not to have a child, so our choice is looked down upon by others who either felt they didn't have a choice or wish they had exercised that choice. You know, to make themselves feel better. I firmly believe that misery loves company, and I also believe that this board should be exclusively for those who are married with no kids, hence the title of this particular forum. LOL

I have to say, from the point of view of a mother who has become estranged and separated from her own two daughters (so I have a foot in both camps, if you like!!) whilst I agree that those who have children have attempted to fiercely defend their parenthood status, there ahave been some who in their efforts to celebrate their choice of being child-free, have used comments or phrases which have put parents on the defensive.... Many happy parents have interpreted the term "breeders" as being all-encompassing..I for one understand that it is not: It is designed to label and to categorise those who have borne children irresponsibly and for financial gain or supplementary support... whose children are simply a means to an end... Prominent though they may be, however, I still think they are in general, in the minority... Most people who become parents love their children, and only want to do the best for them.

It may therefore be useful to reserve derogatory terms for those who fit the bill... and only when they appear on forum to declare their status and attempt to justify their actions....

If we expect politeness and respect for our decisions, it stands to reason that we must show the same for those with whom we 'speak'....

<img src="/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

This is for the mother that commented previously. I understand your point. However, parents seem not to have any problem about spouting off about people without children without any reguard to feelings. Can't we have just one place where we can cut loose??? I get so frusterated because eveyone is putting pressure on us to have kids, and we have decided not have any...I need one place where I can just let it all go, and not be judged nor considered less of a person!!! auugggh!

Amen

Indeed. I'm just seeing a lot of whining at how evil we are for getting irritated at children who run around and screech like howler monkeys in places of business that don't specifically cater to children (like Chuck-E-Cheese). If they'd bother to hush and try to understand, it's not ALL children; it's the ones that have had no home training whatsoever.

Let me tell you something: I adore the children who are well-behaved and have good manners. Seeing a child say "please" and "thank you" and talk with their "indoor voice" and generally behave makes my day shiny. Even better if they hold doors open for people or help somebody who dropped something. If I can, I compliment the parents on the bang-up job they're doing. Who doesn't like compliments?

Since really exploring the CF lifestyle, I've seen that it's the real parents that don't get offended at our "lingo" and actually agree with us on several points on child misbehavior.

I said that most of us CF do realize how hard it is to have children and that's why we're not having them. I got the general, "You don't know how hard it is until you do it." With all due respect, there are things I don't need to do to understand how hard it is. I don't need to become a surgeon to understand how complicated and how the slightest slip can cause death. Frankly, it's usually the people who DON'T know how hard it is to be a parent who are the ones who have them. Then when they realize it's not all sunshine and Kodak moments, they say, "It's so haaaaaaarrrrd raising children!" Well, no [censored] Sherlock! Having children is hardly the romantic viewpoint that up until recently was pretty much the only view of childrearing you saw in the media.

And I swear I saw somebody say that misbehaving children are the product of society, not the parents. I really hope I misread that because to even touch upon how stupid that statement is would cause my poor brain to go 'sploodey. That's just a classic case of "everybody else is responsible for my child, not mine." Are they going to blame TV, movies, video games and music everytime their child does something stupid or violent?

It's to the point where we now have several TV shows where people come in and tell the parents that they're not doing their job. And it's not like they're teaching them anything novel. Don't give in to your child's tantrums. If they do something good, reward them. If they do something wrong, punish them. Show the kids that you're the boss and the parent in this relationship.

None of us are negating parenthood. We've just decided it's not for us. If you decide to partake in a biological ritual that has been in effect for millions of years, have fun. All the rest of us ask is that you keep the kid in check and teach it how to behave in public. Screaming and running around and banging stuff are not acceptable. I'm not too sure how hard that is to understand....


Man, my responses are long. There used to be a point in time when I could effectively respond in a paragraph. Ever since I started college, my Internet responses are f-ing essays!

<img src="/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I enjoyed the last response in the "Children Should Be Seen and Not Heard" thread. There's the way to get your point across: Insult people for daring to point out bad parenting. You don't need to be a parent to note bad parenting, especially if you had good examples growing up. Beating your kids = abuse = bad parenting. Letting your kids misbehave without reproach = bad parenting. It really is not rocket science.

I belong to another CF group on LiveJournal and there are a few parents who are members and they don't get all offended and huffy at the terminology and our rants. They actually commiserate because while they actually parent their kids, they have to deal with those that don't. So I hope that the parents here realize that howler monkey children don't only irritate and inconvenience the CF, but other parents as well.

And I guess I didn't misread the thing about society being the fault for children's misbehavior, which saddens me. If you don't want to take responsibility for your kids, don't have them. There wouldn't be poor attitudes if parents continued the tradition of keeping their kids in line. This is a relatively new societal development. A grassroots movement of parents decided that it was more important to be their kids' friends and that discipline was smothering their child's creativity and that everything else in society is to blame for any bad behavior. Kids misbehave in public? It's the fault of people who don't recognize how cute it is when little Bratleigh shrieks during a play. Kids shoot up their schools? It's Marilyn Manson and Grand Theft Auto's fault. How dare I suggest that the parents are the ones who play the biggest role in their kids' lives and are responsible?

Let me tell you all something: My parents were by no means strict and spoiled my sister and I (our own TVs with cable, phones, stereos, CD players, plenty of toys, almost no censorship in TV, movies (there was only one movie they wouldn't let me watch), and videogames, etc.). But they were disciplinarians and if my sister and I stepped out of line, we were punished. You know what? I'm glad they did it. It was fear of punishment that kept me from doing stuff that could have gotten me in a lot of trouble or down the wrong path. I don't resent them for it.

If anything, society has fostered the whole, "It takes a village" mentality. Of course, it only takes a village when it's time for everybody else to pony up for things that only benefit parents. But when a child acts like a little idiot with no home training, then nobody is allowed to say anything because we're to respect their feelings while they sit there and negate ours.