BellaOnline Forums Family Siblings 'Step-siblings" Romantically Involved - Your say

it just seems like all of us have the same basic problems: supressing the feelings, going and back and forth between the relatiosnhip, attempts at suicidie or depression..

this forum has helped me some but i'm also reading about people who move away from the relationship, which doesn't make it go away. since i am still young, i was acutally thinking about transfering to a college thats a plane ride away to get out of this stuation...but as i'm reading in here, that doesn't help either.

it seems like we all have the age gap problem too..which is weird. and i also must admit that me and my step brother talked about something like this before how , "do you think anyone else out there is experiencing this same situation.." its a bittersweet feeling to know that we aren't the only ones.

Sundreams,

Yep, doesnt go away by moving away, i joined the military and didnt see or talk to my stepsister for over a year, but still thought about her everyday and the pain got worse, started thinking that the only way to feel better was to kill myself, but then i've already tried that and decided i was too strong to ever try it again, sometimes i wish i wasnt. One thing i can say, i think i'd be alot happier if she were happy, but she's not, and she's got a twisted philosphy that she believes it's ok that she's not happy, or that she's not supposed to be happy. She's also got what seems to be some serious self esteem problems and a very low sex drive, which i suspect both stem from the way her boyfriend treats her. She sees it as she has to stay with him because she's the only one who understands why he acts the way he does and i think he needs her because he can't get anyone else as he is 28 and has only had sex with one other girl, two times. Anyway, i've gone way off subject, just that i talked with her about this the other night and it's still floating around my head. Anyway, i cannot give any advice as to how to make the pain stop, i havnt figured that out yet.

Nope.... me neither.... sorry team. The only way I know how to deal with the pain is to suppress it and not think about it. I block out my emotions all together. Yes, it's not the right way to go about it. But that's the only thing I know.... You guys have helped me out a lot. Just talkig about it to people who know.

it seems like thats a big problem too.. i can't just move on because moving on makes him unhappy, and he tries to move on from me, which hurts me, and makes him unhappy.. if we were both fine with it and didn't still have such strong feelings for eachother, i think we'd be able to move on...i dunno if thats the problem with you guys too..

I don't know if he is happy or not. Sometimes I think he is and it hurts me, although I should just be happy that he is happy. I thought I was happy for a stint. But it turns out that I was just in love with the thought of being in love with a person who wasn't what they claimed to be. If that makes sense. I've noticed that people who have been in this situation get into reckless relationships in the future. We all obviously compare our significant others with our step siblings, and normally they can't even compare. I wonder if we subconciously do that on purpose because we don't want anyone who can make us as happy than they did. I'm not sure if this makes sense; I've been kinda spacey all day...... talk to you guys later!

I think this is just one more thing that happens with the break down of families. I dated my foster parent's son and later my dad's girlfriend's son. Funny thing is, I think it bothered the parents more than it did us. Teen romances come and go. However if our parents had either worked things out (I am only referring to mine here because it was a serious lack of communication, no abuse, drugs, affairs, etc.) we never would have been put in that situation.

thats funny becasue thats exactly what my best friend told me when i told her about the situation. i mean yeah, it sucked that we live in the same house, but she said its part your parents fault for putting two attractive kids in a house together and expecting them to not have anything happen, other than friendship. so i dunno but i don't blame my parents.

so i randomly stumbled on this surfing and joined because of it. heres my dilemma-i have a stepbrother whom i met when i was 18 and he was 22 when our parents started dating. we met a few times but didnt really know eachother until this year. he lives in a different state then i do but we talk over emails and text messages almost everyday or so. we started talking about what we enjoy in a partner and sexually, things of that nature. well, this went on a couple of months and he came to visit "the family" a couple days ago. his dad, my mom, he and i along with a couple other people went out and we were all drinking and he and i went to a secluded place and kissed. about ten minutes afterwards we did it again and his dad saw us and walked over! omg i could have died!
now we blamed this kiss on the alcohol (to them anyways) but i think that im starting to have feelings for him now. im going to visit him in a couple of days and our parents dont know that im going to see him, they think im going somewhere else. im confused though because the fact he lives in another state and what would i say to my mom and his dad?
now i am in my early twenties and he in his mid twenties but i just recently moved back in with the parents, what should i do? can we possibly keep this a secret?

You're both adults, and as such, what you do is legally your own business.
Morally, you need to get over your hang-ups - because if you are not blood relatives, it's no different to meeting someone in a bar....The only obstacles you have are the ones you deliberately create for yourselves.

You seem to make it quite clear that you are NOT related....so where's the problem? If you're concerned about the sensitivities of your parents.... why??

What is their objection? Have you actually discussed it with them, or are you just worried about what MIGHT happen?

well his dad came and spoke to us about it and let us know that he realizes that we arent related and we never grew up together and if it does go into a relationship then so be it, but we were just embarressed by the whole topic-it was like we were 10 years old getting in trouble for something we wish we didnt get caught for---but never regreated! but my mom is freaked out about the kiss incident. she sees him as her son now and even though we didnt grow up together she thinks its weird. so its hard, my mom and i are pretty close- always have been.