BellaOnline Forums Family Siblings 'Step-siblings" Romantically Involved - Your say

wow .. sounds like my motto right now " if you love something, let it go and if it comes back you know its yours.."

me and my step brother are trying to break it off for good right now.. which isn't working too well in so many different ways. i dated other guys, but for about 2 years, and even before anything happened, i've been the only girl he has been with in any kind of way. but thats a bout to change. he met someone last weekend. i dont think its going to work, but he held me back in a lot of different ways and ended up getting me back when i found someone .. so right now, in my head, i want him to go and hookup or date this girl becasue i know he'll come back. i have enough faith in it..

but alot of these stories aren't ending well.. who knows.. maybe i can have a happy ending or hopefully someone in this group will

Good luck Sundreams. I do know of a couple about 45 minutes north of me who are step-brother and sister and have been married for 5 years and counting. They have a small daughter and are very happy. I think for the most part, for this type of situation to work, you have to have complete support from ALL family members. Usually friends are more accepting than family; at least that was the case for me. Again, good luck to you.

AimeeMae

The couple who have been married for 5 years. Were they brought up living in the same house, did they meet as children, teenagers or as adults?

There are a lot of variables as to if it will be viewed as acceptable or if it would work out.

They became step siblings as teenagers and did not live in the same household. She lived with her mother and visited her father ever other weekend. Good question! I was more than anything telling sundreams that there are "happy endings" in this kind of situation too.

yeah well i think living in the same household brings some complications. especially when only one or two family members know about it. my optimistic point of view on this situation has been lost haha. but good luck to anyone else in the situation and anyone debating on whether or not to start this type of relationship with a step sibling they care about, i do not suggest it.

well you all will like this one my mom and her dad married when i was 11 and she was 13 but she only lived with us for a year or two then but it was more like a lil crush then and later when i was like 18 she came back to stay for awhile while waiting to go to the navy and we always kept in touch while she didnt live there well she then got married and had a child now that she is divorced and back in town for good we have been seeing each other everyday...
then her father died not long ago which i was close with and now we dont know what to do .... we was just about to tell them before that happened .......there is actualy alot more to it than just what i have said btw i am now 25 and she is 27 and her and my mother dont get along (figures)

Hello all, i'm a 25 year old male who has been in a Step-Sibling relationship. I do not recommend this for anyone, but if you both feel mutually then i highly recommend you wait until you are both adults and sit down and create a plan with your step-sibling and then you should both sit down with the rest of your family and discuss the situation. I give this advice because my experience has caused serious damage to both of us and has pretty much shaped our adult lives. I'd like to share with you all my story.


My parents divorced when i was about 7 years old and my mother moved me to another state away from my father at age 11. i would visit my father during summer break. Around age 14 my dad came to pick me up for my summer visit and said that he had a new friend and that she had a daughter that i was going to be friends with. I had probably already met this girl since my half brother had been dating her older sister through highschool. The girl was 10 and i was 14, we began to bond the very first day and had very similar interests and loved to talk to each other, we became inseperable within the first month we knew each other. I was rather depressed to return home to my mother but i continued to talk to my new friend once in a while on the phone. The following summer i visited my father and we encountered much the same situation, nothing new. it was the third summer that things got interesting, she was about to turn 13 and i was turning 17, it was late one night that we were joking around and i had been making fun of her calling her a little girl, we put in a movie to watch and i decided to throw in one last age joke, say something along the lines of "how bout you sit on santas lap little girl, tell me what you want for christmas" it may sound a bit sexual now, but at the time, i wasnt thinking that way, but was really surprised when she actually sat down on my lap. I immediatly said to her "this isnt a good idea" she turned around and straddled me...we didnt watch the movie. We never had sex that summer but there were some steamy times. My dad married her mom shortly after this happened aswell. As summer neared it's end i had to tell myself and her that none of it meant anything. I went back home to my mother and continued to talk to my step sister on my new computer (a top of the line Pentium 133Mhz:) She would talk about her boyfriends and the way they treated her, i would critisize and get upset and she would ask why i cared so much until i finally admitted to myself and her that i was in love with her, she admitted the same and we immediately started and online relationship with plans for me to move to my father's after i graduated. I graduated and moved to my father's so i could be with her. at this point i was 18 and she was 14, we began a sexual relationship. Our parents found out we were togethor and said that we need to put the relationship on hold until we both were mature enough to handle a relationship, they didnt do much to enforce the issue until my father found out we were having sex, at which point he threatened to kick me out of his house if i didnt break it off with my stepsister. I tried to do so with opposition from her, saying that if i love her i need to proclaim it to our parents and not give in to thier demands. This was easy for her to say as she was still too young for them to kick out. I tried to stick it out with her out of love but we had to be more secretive. Eventually the stess got so hard on me that one night i took her outside and asked her if she wanted to see other people, when she asked me why i lied and told her that i wanted to sleep with other girls. So she agreed, i never really found out if she wanted to break up or if she agreed because i wanted to break up. regardless, i think we both did it because we thought it would be best for each other, i think we were wrong. We both got into seperate relationships to cover the pain, but only made things worse, i would beg and plead for her to come back to me and she would insist that it shouldnt be, then she would go off and cry herself(or so she says) but then in week moments we would find ourselves in bed togethor. Eventually it got to the point where we were manipulating each other to see each other's pain so we would know we still had feelings for each other. It got to the point where i went to my father's room and got a pistol from his drawer, i went outside with the intent of killing myself, but then she walked around the corner of the garage, i pointed the gun at her with tears in my eyes saying "go back in the house and leave me alone" she walked up to me as calmly as could be and put my arms around me and said "James, i love you with all my heart, but we can't be togethor" (I still have dreams about this scenario, where in the dream things go th wrong way and i shoot her in the head, carry her body into the house and cry with her in my arms until our parents walk in, then i shoot myself) I don't remember ever breaking down again after this point, as if i've developed an inpenetrable sheild that will not let me show my emotions, though there is still immense pain inside. I later became involved with another girl with whom i worked, we moved in togethor and got engaged. My emotions for my stepsister were still there. I remember one time i spoke to my step sister on the phone, she was having problems and wanted someone to talk to, so i invited her to my apartment for some drink and conversation, we talked for a while and ended up having sex, i stopped it and told her that i needed for her to leave as i couldnt go through with it as i was involved with someone else. This trend didnt last long as several months later i went all the way with her, then again after my fiance and i lost our apartment and had to move into my dad's where my stepsister was still living. after my fiance and i had gotten back onto our feet and got another apartment i buried myself into video games to forget the guilt i felt for cheating on her with my stepsister, it eventually led to her breaking the engagment and kicking me out of the apartment. I moved back to my dad's yet again, to find myself once again sleeping with my step sister, who at this point had a child from the man that she cheated on with me. We were togethor for about a month when she said that she had met a guy at work that asked her out and that she was going to go out with as a pity date since the guy was kind of dorky and ugly, at this point i had gotten over my imature jealousy issues so i said ok. turns out that on that pity date they had some incredible conversation, apparently the best conversation she had ever had, she was so turned on by the good conversation that it didnt matter that i was at home, she brought him back to the house late at night and when i came out to see if she had come home yet, the were having sex on the couch. I'm not quite sure what kind of conversation they had but it must have been really something because he really was a very dorky and ugly guy. Anyway, i didnt let them know i had seen them, i just went back and got my keys, i walked into the living room, looked at them, then slammed the door as i walked out. I proceeded to get thoroghly drunk and when i was satisfied that i had drowned my emotions, i went home and talked to her like a civilzed human being. This is when she explained that it caught her by surprize that he had such a wonderful personality that she couldnt resist him. Well, they are still togethor but things have changed alot, for one, i've gotten away from her, i joined the military and am now about 15 hours away from her, we didnt talk for about a year and a half, then she finally decided that she had a conscience and called me to apologize for hurting my, it might also have something to do with the fact that her boyfriends personality was fake, and he is now verbally and emotionally abusive and has her locked into a relationship with a child that they had recently. We've been talking over the phone for about a year now, slowly building our friendship bond back, but i think there's still alot of issues despite the fact that we've forgiven each other for the things we've done to each other. And i think that if we were to get back togethor now, it might could work, but would have been way easier if we had just waited. Also, i'm going home to visit my dad in a couple weeks, my stepsister has since moved out then back in with my dad, so i'm am scared to death that emotions may come flowing back for both of us, any advice for preventing this would be great. I hope my story wasnt too long and i hope that it is helpful to someone. I will say that for the most part, my story seems to fit the common breakup scenario for step sibling relationships, we broke up, i had dificulty moving on and comparing all my girls with my step sister, and she lashed out in pain by using other guys to try to make herself feel better in whater mentality causes that behavior(not sure, not a woman, but i could gather that it's just a desire to cover pain and get the feeling of being desired by someone). Anyway, that's it, i'm really done now. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for sharing. It sounds like repressing the relationship caused more damage than the relationship itself. But more importantly, it sounds like you guys were just too young. It really sounds like you 2 are meant for each other but both of you may have to learn how to deal with individual issues you may have first.

Well, i believe that we are meant for each other too, however i also know that people who are meant for each other, sometimes never get togethor, or stay togethor for that matter. At this point i know that she is just as afraid for me to come home as i am, being she is afraid that it may ruin her relationship with her boyfriend, which the only i can see that she should stay with him is because of thier son. The problem is that i am going through a life changing experience right now, my outlook on things has changed quite a bit, i've learned that things past are things past, i need to try to do something constructive for the future, and where her and i are concerned i finally want to sit her down and talk about the details of how i feel, but i'm not sure if it will make much difference as she has become someone who does not give into her true emotions very easily, she'd rather make up emotions to show to people. But then maybe i'm wrong, maybe she justs cares about me as a friend, but all the signs point to more, i know she's holding back something and i've never been able to figure it out, i hope that maybe she might finally decide to open up to me now that we're older, but i have my doubts. On a different note, i watched the Royal Tenenbaums last night after seeing it mentioned here. I thought it was an excellent and funny movie except for when Richie Tenenbaum tries to commit suicide over his love for his adopted sister, i felt like i was watching myself, i nearly broke down, but as mentioned in my previous post, i can't do that anymore.

Thank you for sharing your story. All these stories are really making me wonder how and why there are so many of these situations out there. I have my thoughts and opinions on the matter but who knows....
Toxic, from personal experience, you are very much correct on women lashing out by using other men. I went through a stage shortly after our "breakup" where I literally just played any man under the sun who showed me attention. I was "seeing" 4 men at one time at one point in time. (not sleeping with any of them though, I was still kind of saving myself for "T") It wasn't until about 2 years later that I found someone to settle down with for a time. My step brother was married by that point. When he proceded to get a divorce 2 years later, I broke up with the person I had been seeing. I was never happy with him anyway and I had hopes of "T" coming back to me. And he did.... for a short stint while he was home on leave. Then he went back to his base; and another girl. So what did I do? I started dating one of his old friends and got pregnant and married him. Again, in a way, lashing out to "T" showing him that I, too, can move on and "forget" about him. Now that I'm divorcing, and he's overseas for the next year... who knows.... he's still with the girl he started dating after our little affair, but she's in the Air Force and also overseas. Is it wrong to secretly hope that things don't work out???? Ok, now that I've written a novel.... I'll go, lol.