BellaOnline Forums Family Siblings 'Step-siblings" Romantically Involved - Your say

I was raised with 2 step brothers and a step sister. We have lived together as a family in my fathers home off and on for years. I personally would never think to date one of my step brothers. We aren't particularly close by ay means, but I still don't think it would happen. The thought never occured to me, as I was brought up that they are my brothers, and you just don't date your brother.

Now another example would be my mother. She remarried and her new husband has children of his own. They are considered my siblings, through marriage of course. We never lived together or anything. His kids are grown, and for the most part, so am I..LOL. I wouldn't date them either.

I guess it really does depend on the circumstances, but to me it is a foreign concept. I am trying to look at this from an "open mind" but it just doesn't seem to sit right. Good Luck!!

D81nOnly2,

Since you were raised with the 2 step bros & a step sis originally, you established that sibling bond. This is what you are familiar with and therefore the perceptions you have of how this relationship should be in your mind, will automatically carry over to your mother's new step childern. Even though you have yet to establish that sibling bond with them. Let us say hypothetically, you were a single child and never grew up with any "stepsiblings" because your parents were together for most of your life. Then as you got older (a young adult or adult) your parents divorced & one of them remarried to another person who happens to have childern around the same age as you. Since you never experienced that sibling bond of any kind, you may be inclined to become attracted to & consider one of them as a potential boyfriend/girlfriend.
There is perfectly nothing wrong with that. And if you were to become attracted to and started dating one of your mother's new husband's kids, I don't think there would be anything wrong with that either.

I sent the author of that article Carrendy posted an email stating my friends situation. She actually was mostly concerned about their ages because I forgot to mention to her that they are adults. The author stated that the only time this relationship should be in question is when the ages of the persons involved are not quite adults yet.

Life is about love and finding balance. It wouldn't be a good thing to pursue this type of relationship if you're the type of persons who have a hard time communicating with each other and being mature enough to deal with the consequences tactfully and respectfully if things don't work out with the relationship. I really think it's not right for people to assume that others are this incapable.

I think most people label this as being wrong or taboo because we assume that most people aren't mature enough to handle these things, and we impose this one size fits all to both adults and teens. We also base the reason why this relationship may not work out on the existence of the relationship itself. When in all actuality it doesn't work out due to the strain & stressed caused by others imposing their insecure reactions and negative judgements upon the 2 persons involved. If the outside people were really geniunely concerned about how the relationship would affect their family, they would be more inclined to be alleys in helping the relationship to work out and prosper than to just simply discourage it.

My friend & his dad's stepduaghter has been going through some tough times and really them being apart because of their friends and familys' judgements & reactions has had more of a negative effect of both of their well beings than when they were prospering together in their relationship.
They were honestly and truly good for each other and I attest first hand that they brough the best out of one another.

Hello. I am new to this forum and actually ran into it by reading this topic after googling step-siblings. I'd like to tell you all my story.
My father and step mother got married when I was 9. His new wife had 2 sons, one which was 10, and the other was 4. We (my siblings and I) didn't go see my father much; he's selish and his wife is even more so and we weren't very welcome out there. I didn't start going out there on a regular basis until I was about 14. When I turned 15 I chose to move out there.... and was placed in a bedroom with my 16 year old step brother.... I'm sure you can imagine how things progressed slowly. I didn't get along well with my step mother to say the least and was miserable. She made me feel very unwelcome and treated me like a rock in her shoe. My father didn't do anything about it. The only person who was there for me was my step brother. We fell in love. REAL love. We carried on our secret relationship for close to a year before we were "caught". We were kept apart for the rest of our adolesence. Last summer ('05) he came home on leave (he's now in the Navy) to get his divorce granted and we hung out. One thing led to another and yes, the love is still there, even 4 years later. But, he returned to base and I went on and got married to some guy myself who I'm now divorcing. I know in my heart of hearts that this man and I are meant to be. One day, we will be together and happy. He's actually here on leave again and we've hung out a couple times, but we're kind of keeping a distance since he's headed to Japan next and who knows when we'll see one another again... Thanks for reading, just thought you might want some "first hand" experience!!!

Wow. good story. I'm surprised & amused that 2 adults would have 2 adolescents share a bedroom and not expect that anything would happen.

Gx7 - How are things going for your friend? Any change?

Yes and No. His ex is no longer acting out with different guys. She has settled and is living with a steady boyfriend.
I'm sure the feelings are still being repressed from both of them, but it looks like she's moving on in a healthier way now.
My buddy is (of course) not happy about it. But at this point, he feels like he can't compete with this new guy because of the higher status that he has. He is in his early 20's, is related to very wealthy high powered attorneys, and he already runs his own business.
My buddy has a good job but doesn't come from money and always seems to be struggling a bit financial...so he can't compete with this guy.
So this might be the reality check he needs in order for him to start moving on also.

Thank you for reading my story. i'm sorry to hear about your buddy. It sounds like he's in a similar boat as I am. "T" (my step-brother, that's what we'll call him) is seeing a girl currently and although he doesn't talk much about her to me; I hear he's pretty content with her. Yes, I'm miserable about it. I love him; but I don't think I could ever be with him. Not that I'm ashamed of us by any means. I got over the shame of being in love with my step brother some time ago. But his mother is an awful human being and it's bad enough having her as a step mother. Comments or advice are always welcome! Thanks!

There's an issue I never thought of.... Your step parent becoming an in law brings a whole set of other issues all together.... Unless you were an adult when your parents got married and they were never really your step parent.

Especially if they don't get along in the first place.
What are the issues that you're thinking of?

Well, in my case, my step mother is a royal you-know-what. I'm not saying that to me mean or spitful at all. She just is what she is. It's hard enough having her as a step mother; not that I have to deal with her anymore now that I'm an adult, but if "T" and I were to go off and get married; I'd have to deal with her all over again. That's not something I can deal with again. I have been on medication for depression since I got away from her when I was 16, and saw a therapist weekly for almost a year after I moved out.
"T" and I have actually talked about it even in the last year and he says that his mother would probably disown him anyway if we were to get married. I don't want him to have to go through that pain and anguish on my account. I'd live with that guilt for a very long time.
At this point, I just want him to be happy, even if it's not with me. Who knows... maybe that whole saying that goes, "If you love something, let it go and if it comes back you know it's yours." will ring true for me! <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />