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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 140
Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 140 |
Geez. Okay. I'm coming to the conclusion that my experiences (and my SOs) are really unique. We've never had pressure from anyone to have kids--our sibs are doing a good enough job of this. We've never had anyone question our choice not to have kids or call us selfish--and of course its obvious that we don't hate kids because we spend a ton of time with our nieces/nephews, cousins and friends kids.
I think its kind of natural for someone to ask about my interest in kids--since its obvious I like them. But I don't have any problem telling them I simply don't want any of my own.
WildFern
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 115
Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 115 |
Definitely the woman does get blamed for being childfree; after all, she's the incubator isn't she!!! If a woman wants to get pregnant, and she's fertile, then she can. She doesn't have to expressly ask for the guy's consent. We all know guys who have been trapped in this way.
My mother in law has blamed me all along for the fact that we don't want kids. She never says anything to us when we're both present, but always works on me when i'm alone. However, my sister had a baby a month ago and when my husband showed his mom the pictures of me holding the child, she asked him straight out if he was ever going to 'give' her a grandchild. He looked her straight in the eye and said 'no, i'm not'. Since then she has been very cool with him. Why does there have to be someone to blame? Why do outsiders feel like they have to label the perfectly rational choices we make?
It makes me so mad! Thank god for this forum.... no moos here!
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 140
Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 140 |
Humans label hings, that's just part of being human.
I just hold the position that people either accept me and mine for who and what we are or they're not part of my life. I'm lucky that my parents and my SO's parents are so supportive. We have lots of things they could pick on--not being married, not planning on ever marrying, not wanting kids.
Anyway, I'm sorry if it seems like I'm hogging post space. I'm stuck at home--leg broke in 3 places after a water ski accident, my SO just left and all my sibs/parents are working. So my laptop is my "adult" conversation for the day.
WildFern
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 115
Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 115 |
WF i agree that it's human nature for people to label things and people; what i don't like is the fact that people are negatively or offensively labelled according to others' personal preferences. If somebody comes up to my brother and asks him why he can't be normal and date girls instead of guys, that to me is offensive. I guess that for me, people who tell me i'm abnormal for not wanting kids are a bit like that.
Sorry to hear about your leg! It's horrible to be ill and not able to do all the things you want. Why not start a few new threads here? Could be interesting!
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 263
Shark
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Shark
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 263 |
I think when people are looking to find fault with a couple for not having children, the woman probably is a bigger target. We're the ones who are supposed to be all gooey and maternal; we're the ones who are supposed to YEARN for children because our biological clocks are ticking like time bombs. It's such a cliche on television and movies for a woman to be desperate to become a mommy.
Mother always said that even when things seem bad there's someone else who's having a worse day. Like being stung by a bee or getting a splinter or being chained to the wall in someone's sex dungeon.
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 140
Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 140 |
Heh. They my biological clock must be out of whack because it's just never ticked.
WildFern
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 263
Shark
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Shark
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 263 |
Yeah, mine too. Nurturing is not my strongpoint; I can't even remember to water my plants. Now dogs....they bring out my warm gooey side.
Mother always said that even when things seem bad there's someone else who's having a worse day. Like being stung by a bee or getting a splinter or being chained to the wall in someone's sex dungeon.
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 138
Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 138 |
I think I was made without a biological clock. I just have desire whatsoever. I see woman who melt when they see a baby or say they're craving one. I just don't see what's so yummy about a baby!
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 498
Gecko
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Gecko
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 498 |
in our case, we are childfree, but not by choice. i am unable to conceive. jeff could go out and have all the children he wants with someone else if he wanted to. fortunately, he is a faithful husband who loves me whether or not we have kids. but i definitely feel like i'm to blame even though he's never made me feel that way. it does bother me when people i barely know ask me if we have kids. when i say no, they inevitably respond with, "why not, don't you like kids?" wonder why they never ask jeff that. hmmm? it's always me. but then again, it's usually women who ask. men would rather talk about other things. and they can be taken off subject quickly with conversations about the dog or somesuch. i've been called selfish before because i don't have children. i've also been called selfish because i desire children when i can't have them. again, usually by other women. <img src="/images/graemlins/wall.gif" alt="" /> [color:"blue"] Holly, I don't for the life of me, understand why those of us who can't have children, get blamed, or look down upon. (or any childfree person, rather) I'm on the pill to halt the pain of endometriosis. I've been told if I just get pregnant if would halt the pain. (The pain eventually comes back.) My dh loves me too, and obivously doesn't want to leave me for some women who can conceive. We are both very lucky. I've been ignored for not having a baby in tow. Viewed as my opinions really don't count, for that same reason. Dh and I are lucky to have found a couple who are childfree, so we have someone else who has a lot in common. (who won't look down on us, or blame us) Wildfern, you are very correct about the labeling part. Society is always putting labels on everyone, and it isn't right. [/color]
If motherhood doesn't interest you, don't do it. It didn't interest me, so I didn't do it. Anyway, I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn't do what I wanted, I'd kill him."
--Katherine Hepburn
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 498
Gecko
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Gecko
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 498 |
[color:"blue"] I also don't think A.R.T. or adoption is right for us, either. That in itself confuses people why I wouldn't want to go to great lenghts to either try and get pregnant, or adopt. Also I've been told such b.s. as "try and to relax." Having children isn't always the answer. Even my own grandpa, whom I'm close to, who is also old fashion, doesn't bother me. [/color] <img src="/images/graemlins/fish.gif" alt="" />
Last edited by WaterLily3422; 07/21/06 06:16 PM.
If motherhood doesn't interest you, don't do it. It didn't interest me, so I didn't do it. Anyway, I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn't do what I wanted, I'd kill him."
--Katherine Hepburn
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