BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage Confronting the Inlaws....

I'm recently married and already I'm having inlaw issues. My husband is a combination of punk/goth/skater. Well, they want us over for Easter this weekend and his mother asked me to remind him not to wear anything "suicidal" i.e. strappy pants, etc. and instead to wear what we'd worn to his paternal grandmother's funeral the day before our wedding.

This has been a pattern for years. Out of his family, he's the only one who's really pursued something different than the mainstream sort of clothing that his relatives sport. They continue to treat him like he's something to be ashamed of and as if he can't be trusted to tone himself down as needed depending on the event. It's very painful to watch and I've had to distort myself to make sure that I don't make waves. Though this latest salvo has me desiring to go completely as myself (a pentacle wearing opinionated Wiccan) and let them take me completely as I am which they should be doing for my husband.

What do I do? How do I convince them that what they're doing is wrong and is hurting my husband deeply?

Illy, they may not realize that what they're doing/saying is hurtful, in which case a little intervention might actually work. The flip side of that coint, unfortunately, is that its really hard to change other people if they don't want to change.

Either way, since the comments, etc. are aimed at the hubby, he's the one that's going to need to step out and say/do something.

Best of luck.

He has laid down his feelings before. 10 years ago when they fought over how he dressed than (which is similar to what he wears now) he left home and didn't turn up for 3 years or so. When he finaly did reappear, his family so happy to see him that they shut up for a while. Now the pattern is starting over.

We spoke and he's going to call his mom tonight and lay it out for her because he wasn't home last night when she called. She did recognize that I was upset but I deflected her because I didn't want to discuss it in front of children as I knew I was becoming very upset and she's never seen me or heard me go off. This is something that we want confront her with together. His siblings aren't so bad, it's his mother and his uncles and his aunts. His mom is a good person, this is just one of her biggest flaws. She can't see that her son is happy the way he is and that he isn't going to fit in some mold that she sets out for him.