BellaOnline Forums Family Moms I hate the word but I'm also a Stepmom!

When I was 19 I was kicked out and moved to Canada, and met this guy we got married few months laters I found out I was having I baby. Well I moved back home and had my lil girl alone. When I was 6 months that guy left me and went back to Canada to be with his mom and his family! I had my baby alone with my mom. A year and half after Marie was born I met Joe. He was my UPS guy. He was my soul mate I knew that in my heart. He as well was married at one point and also had a lil. girl named Lynn, she at the time was 5 and Marie was only a baby at 1 1/2. My ex never met Marie up to the piont I met Joe I was doing it alone without a father for her. Three years into it we are a family. When Lynn was 5 her bio mom left and went to New York alomst 2 1/2 years. So I became mommy... We have ran into so much being together. Even Joes family we no longer talk too. After being together his family dose not want to be part of me and Marie. We have sat down and told them that we are now a family. But still they didn't care so now we don't talk to them. I know Joe at times has a hard time with it. My family in the other hand have been over the top with open arms. I always feel a pull between me and Joe when it comes to the kids. At times I feel like walking out. I know I can't the kids love each other like sisters. And Marie, well Joe is the only father she knows, and Lynn well I'm the only mom who has not left her. Joe and I do more fighting then I would like and even in front of the kids. I know its bad, how can I change that! I have tried to talk to him about it but nothing chages. When hes mad he mad, and I'm the same I hate to say it.. How can I have a happy home and a happy bedroom with Joe??? <img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> :rolleyes:

I know it's cliche but have you considered family counseling? In the meantime, I highly recommend Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue workbook (and it's accompanying book if you have time). It will shed lots of light on your own part in the issues at hand and will help you come to terms with the areas in your own life that need changing. Sometimes when we work on ourselves, everything else just sort of changes around us. You probably know by now that you absolutely can not change anyone else. But you can change you and since you've expressed frustration with how you handle situations and communication, it's probably as good of place as any to start. If your husband is willing, he should get a workbook as well and work his way through.

I have found that the hightened stress and familial difficulties involved in blending a family require that communication become a TOP priority. If you and your husband can come together in a healthy way with regard to communication then the rest will be pretty easy to work out on a case-by-case basis.

Let us know how it goes -

First I want to say your doing a wonderful job as a mother, sometimes it's often hard when a child lose their parent because they just don't want to be a mother or a father. I also have to say your holding on strong because you did not walk out of this relationship and you truly want your two daughters to grow up together I understand your point of it all, me as a stepparent understand how you feel.
I think the wonderful steps your taking to talk about it is a great step for you and your family, I hear your hurt when it comes to his family and that's truly wrong on their part, they should have open arms because your taking on the task her mother should have but she didn't she wanted to move to New York and not think about her daughter. The most important thing you and your spouse should work on is not fighting in front of the kid's, that's truly one thing they will remember. Both daughters have gain something from this relationship, one gain a mother because her bio mother went to New York and the other daughter gain a father because he went back to Canada.
Another thing that can help you as a couple, set a day and time to discuss issue by going out to eat without the kid's, this will help you and your spouse control those tempers because your out in public and also in a nice place eating dinner. Another tool to use when daddy and mommy temper go out of control is to make sure you both tell your kid's your sorry they have to see you guys fight like this, believe are not kid's remember this and it will stick in their mind and also this will help you and your spouse from fighting in front of the kid's.