BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage Need A Break

I want to call your husband and tell him "WAAAAAA"...who does get to do everything they wanted to? That is life. Are you telling him what you want and need?? I would need a nice quiet room and a straight jacket by now if I were in this situation. You need to think of you and the kids. What do you want?? Do you have someone close to you that knows you and your hubby and situation that can offer advise? God bless you and your family Leigh....

Conniem, I have told him what I wanted multiple times. Right now we are ever sense of the word "seperated". That was pretty much my decision. He wants us to get back together but I can't go through the emotional rollercoaster again right now.

I have talked to his mom. She said she wouldn't of put up with this as long as I have. She knows he has alot of things to deal with but she doesn't think this is the right way to handle it. One of the things she mentioned I had forgotten about was in February he had his mom kick out his younger brother. The brother was stealing from their mom and pretty much bumming off her. He was heavily into drugs and alcohol. His mom also told me that the brother had called my husband in March needing a place to stay and my husband told him not to come back here. In one of my previous post I wrote that his brother committed sucide in the beginning of August. I had forgotten he had his mom kick him out and I didn't know about the phone call. If I now do a timeline on all this information it would go like this.

February - He had his brother kicked out.
March - His brother called for help and he refused.
March - He stated he needed space. Becomes depressed.
August - Brother commits sucide.
August - He moves out. Still depressed and stays alone all the time.
October - He is finally opening up to me. He hasn't mentioned his brother though.

He is the type of person that holds everything inside and isn't a person that talks about his emotions. I feel that there is some progress since he is finally starting to talk. It may be too late for us and I can now deal with that. When I first started these posts I don't think I could of handled it back then. I would love to have my marriage back but I know in reality we don't always get what we want. If we do reconcile in the future then that will be a bonus. I just hope he gets better for our kids sake.

I am not saying what he is doing is right. I'm just saying I have a little more insight of what is going on now and that is better than being in the dark.

Thanks for your encouraging words.

Leigh

I am sure that he is probably feeling horrible about his brother's death, but no one will know if staying at their mom's longer would have helped or just prolonged the inevitable. I do have experience living with someone that is addicted to drugs and it is a horrible situation. Tough love is just that...tough. And later you drive yourself crazy thinking what if?? I lost my best friend to meth. It was something he just couldn't stop doing.

I feel for you as it seems that you have a long wait ahead of you. You have got a lot of patience! I wish you well, Connie

Leigh, it is time to sit down and seriously think about what you really want.

Do you want to continue in this marriage limbo? If you do then you will have to accept what your husband is doing and live a half life.

Do you want a comfortable, emotionally healthy life for yourself and your children, with a chance for happiness?

If that is what you wnat then it is time for a final break.
Let him know that you've waited as long as you can for him to "find" himself and you are going ahead with your life without him. If you can't tell him to his face, because he will only tell you he just needs more time, then write a letter. Either way, once you've made the decision, stick to it.

He is out of your life and that leaves you free to become who you want to be and to make a better life for yourself.

I still maintain he needs counseling.
Good luck, Leigh. Keep us updated.