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I'm having a tough time today. I saw her yesterday and she looked happy to see me, but I wasn't happy to see her at the time, but now I'm having a hard time with the encounter.

The meeting with the abuse counselor went very well and I learned of repressed feelings I had during the encounters and others I had forgotten.

I've been doing a lot of work around the house and my wife stopped by on Sunday to do some weeding and then redecorated the living room. I thought that was a bit odd. I hope she comes home soon.

Eddie she might of came home Sunday to see how it felt being back. If things went okay she might want to return but don't know how to tell you yet. I hope it all works out for you.

I'm glad you are going to the abuse counselor. Does she realize she has abused you in the past or does she make excuses? It might be a good idea for her to see a couselor too. She might not go if she doesn't feel their is an abuse problem though.

Good luck.

Leigh A

Hi Eddie.
Somehow I missed your other posts!
It sounds like the two of you had a pretty good counseling session, though. That's good.

But you said you weren't too happy to see her when she came over on Sunday. Was there a particular reason why? or did it have to do with some things that were brought up in you abuse counseling?

I must admit, it took a little bit for me to connect your name between this forum and the forum where we discussed abused husbands. When I did I was a but surprised to find that you wanted to stay with your wife. On the other hand it is very common for victims to stay with their abuser.

Maybe you should visit over in the domestic violence section some, or the abuse survivors (I'm in there a lot).

But i'm glad you have people close by that you can talk to and go to, that does make a huge difference.

Take care. {{{hugs}}}

I'm hesitating to bring this into forum, because I don't want to come over as preaching or proselytising... If anyone is offended, i'll come back in and edit the post....

This particular tendency, is seen in Buddhism, as 'negative attachment' or 'clinging'....

Quite simply, we hold on to something because quite frankly - it's all we've got. "Better the Devil you know"... It provides some form of emotional security, even though it has negative effects which are apt to hurt us. In this case, sadly, very physically.
maybe a way of begining to understand, and unravel the pain, is to determine why the 'attachment' to such a condition or situation, is ocurring...I know there is love there, I do not dispute that... But is it constructive?
There is an element of Control and this in turn hides a fear of not being heard, of being misundestood, and in turn, a resistance to submit ones' self to another's control....

Eddie, I wish you nothing but Peace, Serenity and Joy.

Thank you.

Hi, Ladies.

Well, I have seen the counselor once and I'm going again tonight. I believe she had never realized it until it was brought up in the counseling session even though we have talked about it.

She called me last night, sounded a bit drunk, so we could meet up this morning and I could give her mail to her. So, we met up this morning and I told her she looked great and smelled great. She reciprocated and I kissed her on the cheek. It was very nice.

I asked her to go out sometime and she said she we'll see, so I took that as a no. She was then very inquisitive about what I was doing this weekend and I told her, don't worry about it. Then, she was like I went to happy hour last night with these friends of hers and I said I'm glad you had a good time.

So, she called me twice this morning to ask me what I'm doing for the weekend and I gave her some information and then she asked if I'm working from home tomorrow and I didn't tell her yes or no. My guess is she is trying to come home when I'm not there which is fine. I asked her again if she would like to go out and she said she would think about it.

So, I'm not sure what to think at this time, but I can tell it is killing her not to know what I'm doing all the time and that I'm handling the situation so well. I've been doing work on the house and treating it as an investment at this time.

I've been taking care of myself, working out, keeping busy, praying, meditating and going out with friends. I still miss her though.

Hi, Ladies.

Well, I ran into my wife this morning, by accident, and she didn't have her wedding ring on. So, I asked her how long she hasn't been wearing it and she said a couple of days. So, I said, well, I've seen you the past couple of days and everytime you had it on. Do you only put it on when you see me? She said, no, I just, I don't know. I then said, OK, we need to have a serious talk and you need to make time for it.

I know not wearing the ring doesn't make things final, but it has given me some peace at this point as odd as that sounds. I met with the abuse counselor again last night and had a really good time expressing myself. Should I stop wearing my ring too? Confused.

It is totally up to you whether you want to stop wearing your ring. If you still feel married and are wanting to work it out, then by all measn leave it on!

But I will warn you, from personal experience; when the other person takes off the wedding band, it usually means they have given up. It is amazing what that little circle of gold means. When my first husband and I were having trouble, and I started finding e-mails on the computer (like you); I desperately wanted things to work out.

But then one day I was going through the desk trying to find some white-out (or seomthing) and I found his wedding band instead. My heart sank, because the only times he had ever taken it off were when he did flight checks (he flew helicopters - and it could dangerous to wear rings while doing a flight check, people lose fingers that way!). I knew then that there was no hope for us, and he confirmed it for me that night when I confronted him with it.

Maybe, hopefully, your situation will be different. But the fact is, if she is not wearing her ring- she is presenting herslef to the world - and other men, as available.

Yeah, I figured as much. I took it off and haven't put it on since. So, I guess we are both presenting ourselves to the world.

She called me on Friday afternoon to talk, but I pretty much blew her off. I just want some finality at this point.

Well, my wife e-mailed me about meeting on Saturday, which I can't do, so I e-mailed her and called her to try to set up a time and she is avoiding me like the plague.

Any suggestions?

let her do the running for a change... the only reason folk think they can dangle us from a string, is if we give them the indication we're holding on to the other end...
She thinks if she yanks, you'll come running. maybe now is the time to let her know she can't just snap her fingers....

Be distant, and be independent. But be nice. Just go for Life.