BellaOnline Forums Family Moms Mom's an alcoholic

I'm a 28 year old mother of 3. In the last few years my Mom's begun abusing alcohol. She'll easily drink a bottle of wine a day. She's still productive, she works and manages her home. However, I can't stand to be around her. Just listening to her speak when she's been drinking is enough to make me crazy. She repeats herself over and over, loves all over my older daughter (her favorite), punishes my son for nothing (NOT her favorite), and basically has no idea what's going on. I've tried talking to her about it. She denies that there is a problem. She says it's under control. But if she knows how much I hate it, why does she still do it even when I'm there, much the less when I'm not. I've stopped going to see her unless there's something major going on. She missed the kids, and knows why we're not coming, but she's still drinking. My step-dad doesn't want to rock the boat, even though he knows there's a problem. My sister is wishy-washy, and my Grandmother is useless. If I can't change it, how can I deal with it?

Oh Diana I am so sorry to hear of your situation..Have you got someone you can talk to? There are support groups out there for people in your situation - maybee it will be a good idea if you can talk to someone who can advise you more on what to do.
You are doing the right thing by distancing the kids away from her.She needs to know her drinking is hurting the ones she loves...Have you ever thought about an intervention? This is when everyone who cares about the affected person comes toogether as a group and talks to the person.It does not have to be confrotational or anything like that - you can express how much you all love her and how you are all woried about her health e.c.t You can even organise to have a mediator there - someone who is not emotionally involved on the situation who is just there to present facts.

Ultamatley it is up to your mum to firstley admit there is a problem and it will happen but unfourtunatley it usually takes a crisis for the person to be shocked into admiting the problem has become to big for them to handle.Dont let it get that far do something now.

as for your step dad not wanting to "rock the boat" so to speak well he is just putting his head into the sand.You cant hide problems and sweep them under the carpet and just hope they just go away.It rareley if ever happens and dealing with it now however uncomftable its going to be for everyone is the best solution for everyone involved.Your mum deserves to be healthy again.

Hi Diana I hope all is okay with your mum.
Be strong and have faith....Please let us know how things go.

It is so difficult to deal with an alcoholic parent! I grew up with both of my parents alcoholics. My dad stopped when he almost killed himself and my now step mom threatened to break up with him before the wedding. Now my mom still drinks even though last summer she nearly died if it werent for me. She called me and sounded really funny. Funnier then normal. And complaining she was having such bad pain in her legs that she couldnt walk. I told her to go to the hospital and she refused. I told her if she wasnt better by Sunday we were going to come take her ourselves.

Well we went to go check on her and she couldnt walk, couldnt talk coherently, and didn't know who her neighbor was or my fiance' (he and I have been together for 4 years). We called 911 and they came in to look at her. She keeps her apartment kind of dim in the summer months by keeping the curtains mostly closed. The EMT people thought she was ODing on drugs. She had some pills they couldn't identify that's why they thought that and my mom has a history of drug abuse as well.

The EMT's took her into the hallway to get her on the ambulance. You would not believe how yellow she was without seeing her yourself. I swear she was as yellow as the yellow used here on the forums. Everyone in the hallway said at the same time "Oh my god". She got to the hospital and the docs gave her a 20% chance to live. Her and I were never close but I didnt want to lose my mom. She was diagnosed with non contagious Hepatitis C. Her liver is literally ate up but not bad enough for a transplant.

SO she went through treatments, got a little better, but dang it she still freaking drinks!!! Her and I got into a huge fight almost a year ago and I told her I wasnt going to sit and watch her die plus she was belittling me and calling me names and blaming me for everything that ever went wrong in her life. I haven't talk to her since. I know that may seem mean but I had to get away. It was like I was still letting her abuse me.

That stuff is hard. I grew up with alcoholic parents, and when my dad drank, he was abusive to his partners. I agree, that a person has to hit rock bottom some times, before they change. Sometimes they have to hit a few times. That level is different for everyone.

I was a teenager by the time my dad sobered up, and in my early 20s when my mom finally did. It was hard. My mom hadn't fully dealt wiht the abuse she received from various husbands. (shehad 5 kids, with 3 different men, and all were abusive)

This past christmas, she completely freaked out on me, and I was crying all day. She blamed me for getting beat up by my dad. It was an awful day. But thank goodness, she is in counselling now. I think that it has helped!

butterfly_Girl

Hi all,

In india,women drink very very little or don't drink at all.They dont smoke and they don't take drugs.My mom is like a goddess ,an epitope of love,peace and purity.She has always smiled amidst lot of difficulties.To those who need love and affection ,please join us and meet my mom, you will receive love even though you maynot know her ! Never feel alone and never feel depressed.We all are members of this BIG GLOBAL FAMILY! and u are my sisters and friends.It is sad to know that some moms are in that state .

my parents are not alcoholics. but there's a time that my dad got drunk. that was a long time ago but i can't forget that awful experience. he was cursing and shouting at my mom. my sister and i just cried while hiding under the covers.

my heart goes out for those who have to endure being with alcoholic parents. diana, be strong. let your kids be with your mom only when she's sober so that you can avoid them being traumatized.

Thank you all so much for sharing your stories and support. I have been dealing with depression, and it gets better and then gets worse, but I've got a therapist, and medication. It's helping <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I keep feeling my mom drift away, and it hurts so much some days that I can hardly stand it. But I know there's nothing more I can do.
An intervention is not possible, since my sister and step-dad are both unwilling. There is no one else who is close enough to her for it to matter.
Again, thank you. I'm working through it, and it's a wonderful feeling to know I'm not alone.

Diana I am sorry you are hurting so much...I know what it is like to have someone close to you with a drug problem.My mother is the same and it hurts like hell to watch her destroy herself.

The best way I deal with it is to remove myself from the situation because I do not have the power to make her stop.Only she can do that when she is ready.I have come to accept that she may never be ready and I know I will probably loose her before her time but Its not up to me to "save her" I have tried that and she just pushed me away.

All you can do is love your mum and accept where she is at.

You need to put yourself first now ad lookout for number one.deppression is a very serious illness and you need to give yourself some TLC.Its great that you are seeing a thearapist and I hope he/she is helping you.

Be strong and realise you are so not alone.There are many support groups out there for people who have a loved one who abuses alcohol,maybee it could help you to talk to people who know what it is like.

You are most welcome to PM me if you need to vent about anything I know how hard it can be but you have to lift now - for your sake.

It seems everyone in the world today is touched by alcohol in some way. I really don�t think Prohibition was so bad!!
I know what it�s like to suffer depression. I lost ten years of my life to that battle. (no help) Keep up the fight. It will make you a strong and insightful person. A necessary treatment is exercise. The most powerful drug is forcefully creating and maintaining a positive perspective. One day you will wake to discover it will feel natural, real, and come with out being enforced. Till then hang tough. You've got the power!