BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids WHY does being CF PISS people off?

I just don't understand it! I'm sure this has been discussed before, but WHY are people so insistent on EVERYONE having children?

WHY does it [censored] them off when they realize you don't want to have them?

Is it that they are miserable and want to make sure that we are too?

I teach school and I say the best birth control in the world is teaching school! I just don't think I will ever have kids as long as I am teaching school.

One of my fellow teachers says how wonderful kids are and why don't you have some? Yet she comes in the back door draggin her two fighting kids looking bedraggled and she turns around to them and snaps at them and is very hateful adn is frowning the whole way.

GEE! I WANT TO RUSH RIGHT OUT AND HAVE TWINS!

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? WHAT AM I MISSING? SHE IS SO CONVINCING! LOL <img src="/images/graemlins/wall.gif" alt="" />

People need other people to have children in order to validate their decision to have children. Or because society thinks that that's just what you do. I've basically been told that I'm not a real woman because I haven't experienced the joys of motherhood. But I have had a lot of wonderful experiences that I would not have had otherwise, had I decided to have kids. If real womanhood involves having children, no thanks. I'm happy with who I am, thank you, real woman or no.

Seeing the frazzled, exhausted looking mothers and the annoyed fathers doesn't exactly compel me to join their club.

I WISH I KNEW!! Maybe because misery loves company, and since you're not a part of the misery of deciding to get pregnant, having to give birth and raise a child, they're [censored] off!

Like a couple of weeks ago, I was chatting with a friend of mine via e-mail about how I was sooooooooo tired of my co-workers always going on and on and on and on about their kids. One co-worker has two girls - a 12 year old and a 16 year old. The 16 year old girl is making the co-worker and her husband's life a living hell. The girl calls the mother at work constantly bugging her about money and taking the car to drive off somewhere. The girl is off and needs counseling, but won't go to counseling, blah-blah-blah-blah. The other co-worker is childfree herself; however, she is married and has two stepchildren, and she goes on and on and on about the eldest stepchild, too.

At any rate, I was e-mailing my friend about this, and she said, "You seem to be sensitive when it comes to the issue of kids. Is it because you changed your mind and you want to have them? You seem like you'd make a GREAT parent! Why, you're just a big kid yourself!" blah-blah-blah-blah. I had to set her straight and let her know that I do NOT want kids, that's why I got VOLUNTARILY STERILIZED, and it's not about the kids themselves, but it's the parents who go on and on about them, like their whole world is about these damn kids! That shut her up real quick, the part where I told her I was sterilized. But this is the same frind who, when I first told her I didn't want kids, the first thing out of her mouth was, "why, you don't like children?" Incidentally, she does have one grown son with whom she's not getting along at this moment.

I am so tired of people assuming that just because I don't want brats I hate them, and even if I did, it wouldn't be her business. Boy, people can be sympathetic with you about anything else in life - drugs, cancer, alcoholism, divorce; but when you tell childfree, LOOK OUT. They think that that little word gives them free reign to ask you all kinds of personal questions and look down on you because of your choice NOT to reproduce. GOOD LORD!!!!

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You are extremely responsible in resisting having children. They're a thankless task, they often don't turn out the way you'd like them to, and they're ungratful. In addition to which, a good 80% of parents shouldn't be parents. They're poorly equipped to deal with the trauma of tantrums, delinquency, and growing offspring in general.
Plus, add in all the people who are under-age and parents, and it's a total disaster. Nobody's exempt from family trials. You only have to look at how dysfunctional the UK royal family is.
And I bet Hitler's mother was as proud as punch.

I have two daughters.
i did everything right.
I brought them up to be 'good' girls. they're well-educated, mature, studious, drug-free pregnancy-free and well-adjusted. I fed them, clothed them, took them out, did loads of stuff with them, and spent time at home with them when perhaps i might have enjoyed working. Hey, a mother has to sacrifice something, doesn't she? I gave up work to be with them all the time.
Their father and I grew apart and two years ago I ended a 22-year marriage.
My daughters have not spoken to me since.

Never in a million years, would I have thought this possible.

But there you go. <img src="/images/graemlins/computer.gif" alt="" />

I'm very sorry to hear that. I hope someday they will see that it was for the best, and perhaps then they can reach out to you again.

Karyn,
Thank you for your kind sentiment.
I've just re-read my post, and realised it sounds very bitter and resentful.
it was written in some haste, which is no excuse really, but perhaps I could elaborate....

I really truly feel no resentment or animosity at all...
I certainly felt quite a bit of heartache to begin with, and understood their animosity to be based on the hurt they perceived was happening.
But now, I swear, I am philosophical.
all things are transitory and impermanent.
eveything has a beginning, a middle and an end... and the end of my marriage marked a beginning of something else...
we do not own our children. We have no rights over them, whatever their age, even though we remain legally responsible for them... we have no right to impose our ideas and impressions on them... we can only guide and do our best. Whatever the outcome, we have to respect that they, as human beings have the same rights as we, to make their own decisions, and hopefully, to learn from their own mistakes.
The Love of a parent for their child must be Unconditional.
I have always, and shall always love my daughters, regardless....
But I also recognise my right to lead my own life, make my own decisions and accept the consequences of those decisions.
Whatever happens, I may not always be happy about it outwardly, but inwardly, I promise, I have cultivated a contentment and serenity I cannot describe.

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Thank you freespirit...

Focussing on the past is futile. Engaging with the future is impossible. Staying with the present is the only course of action.
that's where I am at any given moment. The rest takes care of itself.

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