BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships Intimacy bothers me...is this normal? *DELETED*

Post deleted by irfana

Were you ever molested sexually as a child? If so, that would be the source of your fear. It is a fear, this intimacy bothering you, that is. You must uncover the source of this fear and deal with it. Then intimacy won't frighten you and you can slowly work into it. You are blessed with a husband who is patient and kind. Reward that patience and kindness by dealing with your fear. Your husband will love you even more for it.

Post deleted by irfana

If youa are serious about marrying this man, then at some point you will need to address the intimacy issue. Although you can definitely wait until after marriage! <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

But I would highly suggest seeking some proffessional counseling to help with the past ordeal of being molested as a child. This leaves terrible scars that are difficult to overcome, and are almost impossible to do by ones-self.

The mind is an incredible machine, and it goes to great lengths to protect itself. In order to protect you from some very harsh memories, it just makes you uncomfrotable with intimacy; period. I'm not speaking blindly here; I am a victim of date rape myself - and suffered through horrible depression and other traumas for years. Nightmares haunted me, things that I would conciously deny had anything to do with the rape just up until the last year and a half.

It has not been easy going through counseling, I also go to a support group (which is wonderful, being with people who understand exactly what you've been through!) But it has been worth it.

Even if it does not work out for you and this young man, I would recommend this course of action for your own healing. It is part of the crime and curse of sexual abuse that the abuse continues for years after the physical act stops and still manages to ruin the life of the person who was attacked. But now you have the power to take your life back. And I strongly urge you to do so.

My prayers and best wishes are with you.

I agree. Seek professional counselling. However, remember this, you were a victim ( and to some degree, still are). It is NOT your fault. What this man did was a crime. Your counselor might suggest you bring this information out into your family if he is still around. He must not be allowed to do this to others. Consider reporting this to law enforcement. As a victim of a crime you might be entitled to free counseling and law enforcement may prosecute him. This will give you a sense of closure. It will make you feel that you tried to do something about it and you will stop feeling helpless. In the meantime, if you love him, explain this to your boyfriend. It will help alleviate his feelings of innadequacy ( I assure you he has them) and help him be more patient with your situation. Also, do not be sexually intimate ( kissing is O.K.) until you are married. After you tell him about this you will feel somewhat unworthy ( many victims feel this way). Waiting until marriage for sex will strengthen you faith in his love and make intimacy easier in the long run. Marriage is the long run, you know. I will pray for you. You must deal with this though. It is most likely the base of your fears. May God be with you and may His mercy and grace be upon you during this hour of trial.

There are also people with very low sex drives, three women in my family are that way. Can you talk to your mother about this? If not, perhaps your gynecologist can recommend someplace for you to find answers. Counseling is excellent advice; you need to learn how to deal with the childhood abuse situation and move forward. Good luck!

Ana, you have been given very good advice by Michelle, Dave and Firefly. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I will add you to my prayer list that Jesus will give you the strength to see through all the needed steps to be healed. Peace be with you, Ana, as you deal with these memories. God Bless You! <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Trish

I have nothing to add, except what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You are a very strong girl, and the counseling and talking to your boyfriend are only going to help you realize that.
God bless you, my prayers are with you.