BellaOnline Forums News and Politics Democratic Party A Joke.... Thought You Might Enjoy This

I'm usually not a big fan of "forwarded" emails, but I got this one, and thought it was hilarious, and thought my fellow Dems would find it funny:

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The sailor consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

She rolled her eyes and yelled down, "You must be a Democrat!"

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've been no help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "Then you must be a Republican." "I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault." <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

That is the dumbest joke I've ever heard. Not to mention drier than hot air. It must have been written by a democrat. Who else would be in a boat, up a creek without a paddle?

LMAO!

Great one Megan!

*yawn* Boring joke. I have a better one. Did you hear about the new Bill Clinton stamp? Well, they received a lot of complaints that they weren't sticking to the envelopes. After some investigation, the Post Office discovered people were spitting on the wrong side of the stamp. LOL!!!

All right, I've got another one (I'm sure SOME of you will find it funny... if you don't, I'm really honestly DEVASTATINGLY sorry to have wasted your precious time):

The President, First Lady and Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One. George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy."

Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy."

Cheney added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. Hell, I could throw all of them out of the window and make 56 million people very happy."

O.K. I have another one. Chelsea Clinton goes off to college and starts dating a young man. For Thanksgiving she comes home all excited to tell her dad about her new beau. She tells Bill, " Dad, I've met the cutest guy, his name is Bill Johnson. I think this guy might be the one!He is from Indiana." Bill looks worried and replies, "Is he Marie Johnson's son of Indianappolis?" Chelsea replies, " Yeah, how did you know?" Her father says, " Honey, I sorta dated his Mom. He might be your half brother. You shouldn't date him." Chelsea, now in tears, exclaims," My God Dad! I can't believe you! That is SO wrong!" She leaves in tears. When Chelsea comes back for the Christmas holidays this same scene repeats itself with a different boy. On Spring break she comes home and her father casts doubt on a third prospect, again sending his daughter away in tears. Crying in her room, Hillary Clinton comes in to console her daughter. She asks," Chelsea, why are you so upset?" She replies," Mom, every boy I try to date in college no matter where he is from, dad says he's slept with his mother and he could be my half-brother. It's horrible and disgusting!" Hillary, with a serious look, says," Dear, you don't worry. You date whomever you like. It doesn't matter." Chelsea says," That's great mom but what if I'm related to him?" Hillary says, " Don't worry, that's not possible. Bill's not your real dad!" LOL!LOL!

Your jokes are great, Megan! THANKS!! We need to see some humor in this situation because it is otherwise too depressing and distressing. Better to laugh than to cry, I guess.

I love your jokes, except... they're almost too true to be funny, particularly the hot air balloon one. The Republicans have screwed up the country, but the Democrats are some how to blame, although I think that Bush's current approval ratings indicate that many people are beginning to see through him.

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The Democrats aren't perfect, but the body count is much lower!
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Actually I liked all of the jokes.

Megan - you haven't taken on my riddle yet on the riddles forum! What's up? <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Here's another e-mailed treasure. Don't know who wrote it, but it is funny. Speaking as a former high school American history teacher, it rings true, too:

It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.

"Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?' "

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up.

"Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?' "

Again, no response, except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"

She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"

"Who said that?" she demanded.

Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glared, and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor. Someone said, "Oh [censored], we're in BIG trouble now!"

Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."

Finally someone threw an eraser at Pedro, and someone else shouted "Duck"!

From the floor, the teacher asked "Who said that?

Pedro: "Dick Cheney 2006!"

ROTFL!!!!

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