BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage I need advice

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years and we are expecting out first child this fall. Our marriage has never really been a secure one. We argue over the same things ... drinking, money,little "white lies". Don't get me wrong. Not all of the 4 years has been awful, but the fights have become worse now that I am pregnant.
I am not saying that I am a saint when it comes to a temper. I have always been known to get a little too upset over the small things and as I am sure you can figure out all the hormones at work are not helping much either. Last week my husband and I were fighting about him not telling the "whole" truth about something I had asked him. He doesn't see this as a problem. "who cares" he says. Needless to say the argument escalated, espeically as we were sitting in traffic, when he called me a name and I smacked his arm. In return, he nailed me in the arm leaving a rather large bruise. He said he was sorry later and we talked about it. (he has never done this before) Then last night we once again were arguing about something, he yelled at me, I slapped the back of his head, and he pushed me into the door and onto the floor. The push was hard enough to push the door handle through the wall. The baby and I are okay, a little bruised, but okay. He left last night and only came home when we was drunk. I haven't seen him today.
I guess my question is what to do?? He has never behaved like this before and I do not know what has changed for him to start now. I know that I should not provoke the situation by slapping him and such. I know that. But I also know that he should never have done what he did to me last night. I just don't know what to do. Any advice would be grealy appreciated.
Thank you.

Right now it sounds like the two of you should probably stay away from each other for at least a bit. This is not normally the advice i would give; but both of you have taken this relationship into the physically abusive stage - and with a baby coming, that is dangerous.

You probably both need some anger management counseling separately, and then some couples counseling in order to make this marriage work. Because if you think your husband can get under your skin, just wait until you see what a 2 yr old can do without even really trying! And when you are exhausted and sore and not getting any sleep, a 3 month old is not much better is he/she happens to have colic or has a cold and keeps crying all night.

This is really something to think about now, while your mind is still somewhat functioning! <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> (I've been there - 3 kids of my own - one of which was at a time of a rocky marriage.)

But if you and your husband cannot be civil to each other, it is much better to stay separated than raise a child in a home where he/she thinks this is the way marriage should be. <img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

A man should never hit a woman no matter what. My wife has hit me twice and I never hit her back.

I agree that anger management and marriage counseling is the way to go, but you should stipulate to him that if he hits you again, he is moving out.

Take it from someone who's been there. don't poke hit or slap him needless to say he is starting to hit back. Go to theray even if it is by yourself, most men don't like therapy.If this doesn't stop him for laying hands on you. You have to make a decision does your baby need him for a father? Good luck bepositive

Good advice! He may not realize how serious you are! You should never "smack" him first, because that just opens the door to hitting, and guys will and can hit harder than gals, so you are likely to be the one hurt. <img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Eddie421, I am sorry that your wife has hit you. That is just as big a problem as a man hitting a woman. Good for you, though, for not hitting back. You should tell her that you don't think that is a "fun" way to play and you do NOT want to be hit again. Girls (and women) sometimes think it's playful, until they get hurt. If it doesn't start, it can't get out of control. <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Good luck and God bless you! <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Trish

When I was in college I actually did a presentation on "Abused Husbands".

This is a very under-talked about subject, becuase most men do not like to admit being beat on by o woman.

But many of the men that are abused are physically disabled, and/or women tend to use blunt objects as opposed to their fists (like men use). Does anybody remember the cartoons with the large wife chasing the tiny husband with a rolling pin? It used to be funny, but sadly it actually does happen today.

There are violent women, just as there are violent men. Look at the schools today and see how many teenage girls are getting into fistfights. It's just not the same world. Violence is all over the place - it's not contained to race, economy, or sex.

Hi, Everyone.

This is a very undertalked subject because men have to be macho, well, there is a time and place for everything and you have to face the truth and reality. I told her once before after the second time, do it again and we will be through, it hasn't happened since, but the fear of it happening is still there. I'm meeting with an anonymous group on Thursday night to share my experiences and try to help out some others.

The real issue that has been bothering me so far, is the fact that if I were to call the police after these incidents, the police would think I did something to provoke and deserved it.

I have to agree with Bella on this one, either you both go to need help with your anger and some separation from each other would not hurt.

it is a stessful time when you are expecting a baby more so when it your first i was a complete cow to my husband at one point i hated the sight of him we then had to go thrugh our second miscarriage stress!!
take time out from each other be understanding it is hard for both of you.
your husband will be going through emotions and questioning the big event ie am i ready to be a dad? do we have enough money? what do i do if the baby comes early? will i passout when my wife is giving birth? <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
just remember your hormones are raging and hes confused

so just chillout on yourselves

you go and stay with a friend or family member for a couple of days let him get in with the lads

let other people pamper you you both deserve it!!

best wishes
alicat