BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality Dreams Sorry For Worrying You

A few weeks ago I put off sending the newsletter because I didn't feel well, planning to get to it later in the week. It never happened because things went downhill fast from there.

We'd all been passing a virus around at work but I couldn't seem to pull out of it. I not only didn't get better, I continued to feel worse.

We have been waiting for health benefits that were promised Jan. 1st and have still not materialized. I began seeing an acupuncturist a few weeks ago. She is reading problems with my heart, bladder and kidneys. While the treatments feel great, they tend to kick off what is called a 'healing crisis' and I feel worse the next day or a few days later.

I can't afford to take off work and it's been all I can do. When I get home, it's straight to bed. I have three alarms set. It takes about 90 minutes to get past the pain and dizziness just to get out of bed, and I don't seem to even be able to wake up at all until I've had at least nine hours' sleep. The fact that there is no time for the things that bring me joy is quite depressing.

I do not want to give up my writing. In addition to the dreams site, there are ten or twelve books in my head. My job has me in the car for at least half the day and when I'm in the office there is no online access. When I come home, it's been straight to bed.

There was a bellydance performance scheduled for last weekend and I was determined to participate, as that is another thing that I refuse to give up. I forced myself to practice, I did participate and it went well, but doing so sent me to bed for 2 days. This detracted from the joy of pulling it off at almost age 50 with a left side that doesn't work due to permanent nerve damage caused by medical neglect.

I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia a few years ago and I was trying to live like I don't have it, since my doctors have failed to help me anyway. Either I've had a major flare, or something else is wrong. I had to fight for that diagnosis since my doctor didn't believe in it. I had tested positive for lupus and RA. He sent me to a specialist who diagnosed the fibro, but I wonder if any of that was correct because symptoms that have developed since then are those of lupus and pernicious anemia. I now work with elderly hospice patients and am getting quite an education.....

So since a $150 office visit is not in the budget, my only choice is the emergency room. Because of the way the medical profession has failed me over the years, that will be an act of desperation and last resort. I fear racking up a $2,000 bill just to be told they can't figure anything out or worse, that they'll keep me. I can't stop working to apply for disability and can't see a doctor to confirm my claim. I only know that I should not be trying to work. I do have proof that I've had at least one heart attack, degenerative disk disease, permanent nerve damage and fibromyalgia but an attorney told me that if you're working at all, forget about being approved. And there is no income if I don't work.

So in the meantime, I am lighting candles, meditating, drinking barley juice, trusting my acupuncturist and working on intending to feel better. At this point, the conditions are there for me to have the life of my dreams IF I had the energy to put into it.

I'm determined. I have a great product review to write for you as well as resuming building our resources and symbols dictionary. My dreams have clarified the emotional root of my health problems but we're kind of in mid-stream on eliminating that.

Thanks to Michelle and Lauren for the messages and watching over the forum and my apologies for not responding for so long. My online time is so limited and my e-mail is out of control. I don't think I'll ever catch up.

I hope you all can forgive me, and I'll be making a focused effort to catch up.

Love,
Parthena

Oops, almost forgot - the good news is that I am a Nanna again as of yesterday - but so far I'll have to call her 8 1/2 lb. new baby granddaughter since I was so excited that I forgot to ask what her daddy named her! <img src="/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I am so soryy things are not going well. But I am very glad it is not the car accident with suicidal deer that I kept worrying about! <img src="/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Please take care, and always remember that medical bills can be paid off in installments- you don't have to pay $2000 at one time- and as long as you make good faith effort (even as little as $10) it won't count against your credit. So if you need to go to the ER- DO IT!!!!

I have been very concerned about your absence, I was hoping <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> you were involved in a very long belly dance-athon. Michelle is right about the payments. Our hospital does not take payments on the spot, they just send you a bill, and before they send the bill, they call to see if you need any financial assistance with it (if you do not have insurance). In February 2004 I became ill, and my temp went to a fever, down to 97, up and down, weak, dizzy, I knew I had one foot in the grave. I finally went to the ER, they drew a ton of blood and sent it all over the country. One week later they told me "Must have been a virus". That cost me 1000.00. I was looking over the ER records and labs the other day, and all my lab work was just fine! Glad you are back. <img src="/images/graemlins/rolling.gif" alt="" />

Parthena {{hugs}} we miss you so much and we do worry, but we are so pleased to hear your voice again. Wish I was nearer to give you healing.

The others are right, your health is more important than your bank balance. It makes me so grateful for our National Health Service & benefits system despite all their faults. don't get stressed about the site- we'll chat away amongst ourselves until you are ready to return.

Congratulations on Baby X, I hope that she will perk you up a little when you get to see her. x

Parthena,

We haven't officially met yet, but my prayers go out to you. One of my clients has terrible fibro, and some days it's so bad she can't even function. I know that's a tough one to deal with.

Many many blessings.

Thank you all so much. I may not be back full swing til the weekend, but I'm getting there.

I've dealt with the money issue, now it's the lack of trust that I have to break through. I was treated like a neurotic woman for 15 years until horrible things happened, like a paralyzed left side and a heart attack!

Huge hugs to all!

*hugs* Thank you for posting! We have all been worried. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Try to take care of yourself and not wear yourself out too much! Drink lots of fluids and eat chicken noodle soup and all the other mom things I can say.

Let me know if you need any help with the site or forums and I will happily join Lauren and the others in keeping an eye on things for you

I am so glad to know that you are all right. I am truly sorry about your health crisis. I hope you recover soon and you are in my prayers. Lots of healing white light and love to you, always!

Sincerely,
Fabi

Get well soon, Parthena!