BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Do you think you'll ever regret not having kids

I'm 30 soon to be 31 been married 5 years with a cat. We are totally happy as a lark without kids really don't think we will ever want any but I can't help but wonder if down the road we'll regret it? It's harder for me cause neither of our parents have grandkids yet my brother's not married and neiter is DH's brother so we are it. But no presure! haa Just wondered what other wonderful childfree by choice people thought.

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I just turned 35. My husband and I have been married since 1992.We married pretty young. I have always wondered if I would be a mother even when I was a kid. To make a long story short, I was abused til the age of 6, adopted out and had a relatively unsupportive family life growing up resulting in a marriage at a too young of age to a man who probably wasn't the best choice for a lifemate. I stuck it out over the years for many reasons, none of which had to do with having children. I just figured I would have more of a clear idea of what I wanted once I got older. Well, I'm older and the only thing that has changed is that I'm terrified that I will regret not having kids. I'm afraid that my choice to not have kids isn't a choice at all but just the result of upbringing, poor life choices on my part and being unprepared. My marriage was always rocky so I chose not to have children when I was younger. I am so loving towards my cats, to the point that I treat them like my kids. I just wonder if this is a replacement for having kids and so I will regret not having kids when I can no longer have them. I have all the fears and peer pressure of those around me who are having kids and I'm just really afraid.

Thank you Catlover for sharing that. I know it wasn't easy for you and I just wanted you to know that I truly appreciate it! :-)

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No, I am happily married with 3 pets, and my Dh is the kid!!

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Hi everyone, I am new to bellaonline. I read an essay years ago that convinced me never to have kids. I could be wrong, but it seems most people have children just because it seems like the right thing to do. I don't think that's very ethical considering how overpopulated the world already is. If I were really interested in raising children, I think I would adopt one, preferably an orphan from a third world country who would never have a shot at a decent life otherwise. As it is, I have enough trouble taking care of myself. No reason to clutter things up more by littering the planet with my spawn. Of course, with an attitude like mine, I don't really date very much. Seems to make my decision less difficult. One argument I have heard in favor of reproduction is that "you need someone to take care of you when you get old." It's hard to imagine a more selfish statement than that one. So, um, no, I'm sure that I'll never regret not having kids. I hope this is helpful.

I decided to not have kids when I was 16 due to an unbelievably dysfuntional family/childhood. When I met my husband I made it clear to him I didn't want kids. He was 19 and apathetic about it. Friends and co-workers have expressed surprise but not much else. When I reached my early thirties they said I'd change my mind because my biological clock would go off, guess I don't have one cuz it never went off. I told everyone that cared that I would never change my mind. But something happened at about age 48. I began wishing I had grand children. I began thinking there would be no one left on this earth that loved me if my husband died before me. I have friends but it's not the same. My mother died suddenly in 2003 and I felt like I had been sucker-punched. She wasn't that great of a mother during my childhood when I really needed her, but for the last 25 or 30 years we had become very close. Her death made me wish I had an adult daughter so we could have that relationship. I miss her terribly. I say all that to say this...even if you know for a fact what you want today, you just might change one day. It's all a [censored]-shoot really. So now I am 50 and dh and I have been married 30 years, still no kids other than 3 cats 2 dogs and 2 parrots. I find myself having pity-parties over my decision, then I just slap myself and go shopping! Nothing is written in stone

No, I don't think that I'll ever regret not having children... and I'm 40 now. My biological clock/the baby urge has never hit me. I really enjoy the benefits of being childfree including peace and quiet, sleep, and having money to do things that I like doing (not to mention avoiding pregnancy and childbirth). If I did have children, I would resent the time, energy and $$ that they take. I have come up with hundreds of reasons why NOT to have children, but I have not come up with ONE good reason why to have a child.
If I ever have a sentimental moment, I can just think of all the good things about not having children. Also, borrowing a child for a weekend usually cures me of any desire to have one of my own.
Bottom line: The cost-benefit analysis does not work out on the positive side for me. I would have more regrets if I did have children than I will ever have remaining childfree.