BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Is it really that great?

I often hear parents say how there is nothing more wonderful than having children and how sorry they feel for people who do not have kids, as we will never know what we are missing. I wonder if it really is all that great or if these are just people trying to convince everyone and themselves that they made the right choice?

It is only "Great" if that is what the parents wanted. I love my kids and they are GREAT! But, if someone, whether married or single, chooses kids are not for them, now or even later in life, that is ok for them. So many have kids because they fill that is what they are suppose to do. You know what is best for you. Some people may be best suited to be great Aunts, cousins or friends to our children.

To me, my childfree life can't be any greater. I am 39 and have loved every minute of being CF. In my opinion, I look at people with kids and feel sorry for them that they made the choice. I see their lives as empty and devoid of anything other than diapers, soccer, moody teenagers, screaming babies, busy toddlers, having no money, no time, no peace, but plenty of mess, noise and chaos. I can't imagine my life like that. I think in a lot of cases, people go on how GREAT it is because they want to convince others - and possibly themselves - that they have indeed, made the right choice. Often times, people really do follow a life script of sorts, that having a baby is something you are supposed to do or they crumble under pressure from family, friends, etc.

I am child-free and like it, but I also know a friend of mine who decided to have children and she likes it too, and I know she isnt just trying to convince herself she likes it. I actually think a lot of parents like it. I guess you take the good with the bad but do know that there are parents that truly like it.

I have a very good relationship with my "parent" friends, we both love our lifestyles and there is no drama about it. So both ways are okay.

I think that being child free is wonderful. I'm 41 and have been married for 3 years and I'm finding that my family of my husband and I and just fine. But that's us. For those who want children, then that is fine for them. I respect the decision of those who want to have children; BUT you should also respect MY decision not to have children. I have had people ask me why I would get married if I didn�t want to have children, as if one is contingent upon the other.

But then again, when the children are acting up I get "aren't you lucky that you don't have to deal with what I'm dealing with?"

It's amazing the thought processes of people.

I really appreciate everyone's views. I certainly wasn't trying to categorize parents though; I am sure the majority of them are happy with their decision. I was only referring to the select few who are CONSTANTLY going on about how great parenthood is, how there isn't a bad moment and the same ones who get overly defensive when they hear I don't plan to have kids.

I agree with the statement that what is great for someone isn't necessarily great for the next person. Some of us are happier being parents while others are happier being CF.

A lot of people have spoken of the child free life and its many advantages. No one has (in this thread, at least) touched on the social aspect of having children. If everyone decided the child free life was best for them, which I admit is pretty unlikely, the future of the human race would be limited. Some people just have to procreate to keep the thing going. And then there is the economic aspect of the matter. The pension system for the time being is set up in such a way that the young are paying for the old. That could perhaps change, but so far it hasn't. Hence the "crisis" in many advanced countries, where the birth rate is on the decline, the average age of the population is on the increase, and a smaller and smaller work force is therefore supporting an ever larger group of elderly pernsioners. So whether it's great or not, people who have children could be considered to be rendering a service to society as a whole precisely because they have decided to have children.

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Music tongue, I disagree that we owe thanks to those who have chosen to have children. I was actually talking to my friend who wants three kids about this recently. She was honest enough to admit that people choose to have kids for self interested reasons and that there is no logic behind calling CF people selfish. She said that she is having kids because she wants to-not because they may grow up to cure cancer. Whether we choose to have kids or not, we are doing it because it is the right choice for us. So neither group owes the other one any thanks.

I am almost 35, and CF, but, at one timeabout 2 years ago... I almost went the other way due to social pressues.

So many friends having kids, giving me the hand me down toys, blankets, books etc...
I even bought the surburbia home,close to the hospital, near daycare (which I do not believe in, but would have used anyways if I had kids)

I bought a 17 thousand dollar car (I had a two seater sports car I loved but sold to have kids)
But..
I never had kids, figured out I did not want to go there.
Too much work, uncertainty and expense.
I am very happy with my Dh 1 kitty and 2 rambunctious dogs-they are my kids!!!