BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage I need to talk about my marriage.

I have been happily married for a little over 5 years. We just had our first child 6 months ago. So far, for the most part, married life has been great. My pregnancy was a difficult one, and I felt like my husband was not around for most of it. He was always busy with friends and outside projects. I felt let down. After our son was born things seemed to get a little better. It's obvious he loves our son very much. My problem is that I still feel very uninvolved in his life. I've told him that I don't think he spends enough time at home, that he breaks plans too often, etc. We've talked, discussed, argued, and flat out fought. I just don't see his behavior changing. I don't want a divorce, I don't want a seperation. I just am at the end of my rope. I am not fulfilled with the way he treats me. I feel that things need to change but I just don't know how to change them. Does anyone have any advice? I take my vows very very seriously and I need some support and helpful hints from people who have made their marriages work through bad circumstances. Thank you.

My bf and I have little nit pick arguments cause I dont think he spends enough time w me neither. We are both very much into our computer games and take it very seriously but I put my priorities first not him. Advice one of my married friends gave me was him and his wife are taking counceling (cant spell lol) and he says sometimes its good to have a 3rd party who is not on sides so you can get out what u want to say and work on it from there. He told me him and his wife even went to it because they always fought over chores and now they made a compromise. Hope this helps but like my bf refuses to go I think they need to realize u dotn want them to go cause they are crazy they need to go because there is comfort in it for you.

hoep it helps you let me know k

l8er

I'm sorry to hear are not going as well as you'd like them too. I always thought a baby changes a marriage either for the better or the worse depending on how the marriage was before the baby.

Men usually act one of 2 ways, one, they're gushing over their wives when they're pregnant and their sense of respect is renewed right after labor because of what a woman is capable of doing, bringing a miracle into the world. Two, the totally go the other way. They become despondent and you never see them. I'm sure your husband loves his son, I don't doubt that for one minute. My first impression from reading your post is that he's stressed out because now there's a little baby who is totally dependent on him and you for everything. This is new territory for him and he's not sure what to do. This is one of those things in life where you don't get instructions to follow. I know most men like to throw away the instructions (LOL) and figure it out, but they can always retrieve it and read. This time, there's nothing in the garbage to retrieve, even in secrecy and pretend he did it all by himself. :-)

Do you have someone that could watch the baby for 2 hours? This would be a good time for both of you to sit down and talk about how you feel. No one is to blame here, just 2 people who handle things and see things differently. Don't look for hidden meanings that either of you thinks the other one is a failure. That's not true. Make some compromises, work together. It took 2 people to make a baby, it should take 2 people to raise one together.

I've been married almost 10 years with 3 little kids and what I would give to marry my husband all over again. Both of us are peacemakers so we give in too easily when we argue. We tend to look at the arguing/nit picking not as being mean or hurtful, we look at as a learning, brainstorming discussion. Think about it, if you never argued, how much would you learn about your bf/husband? It's ok to disagree at times and it's ok to leave it at that too.

I agree counseling would help too even if only for just a few sessions just to get it all out and lay it on the table. If you're both committed to each other, then it will work out and it doesn't have to be perfect by anyone else's standards except yours and his. :-)

Best wishes to you both. Your baby needs you both and loves you even though he can't talk yet.


Mary

Talk about marriage! Y lets see almost 6 years ago I got married to a FRIEND of mine or I thought sience then I had to get an 8 dollar an hour job to support me and him and our 3 kids he has done nothing but blow the motors in my cars and get busted yb the poliece and the only reason I stay is because it a family atmosphere for my kids and I have been trianed that once you have children you devote your life for their benifit so I drudge on working 40 hours every 3days and take the kids to and from school go to school my self and do every thing @ the house plus my honey do list no help any where and I get treated like a child when I need something like time out w/o any one even to do the shopping