BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Too young?

Any time I've told people that I don't want kids, or that I'm gay, or that I'm an Atheist people always say "You're too young to know that". WTF kind of reply is THAT? I've found that I'm more thoughtful about my life decisions than many people twice my age. I mean, I'm old enough to vote. I'm old enough to drive a car. I'm old enough to fight in a war and die, but I'm not old enough to make decisions about my own life? <img src="/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> How does that work? I live everyday with what I know in my heart and mind is true. I don't come to these decisions lightly. I work with kids (here in the US and in Mexico) and many of my friends and acquaintances have them. The only conclusion I've come to is that *I don't like kids*! I can only deal with them in *SMALL DOSAGES*. Sometimes I like kids ok...sometimes they're funny, or smart or even relatively well-behaved but that doesn't mean I want to procreate and make one. Why should I? Because I'm female? <img src="/images/graemlins/wall.gif" alt="" /> Has anyone else had this experience?

Truthfully, I think their response is something they say out of nervousness and it makes them fidget/squirm.

No, you don't need to have kids just because you're female and you have the right equipment. To have children, a religion, whatever, is a decision specifically designed for each person. It doesn't have to be a shared "reality", it is yours and yours alone. Although when it comes to children, it's good to have your partner's belief the same as yours. I personally don't think children are for everybody. And there's nothing wrong with that either.

Here's something to think about Morby, what others think of you is none of your business. It only matters what YOU think of yourself. This is not to sound harsh or cold or conceited.

You don't need to hear people tell you you're not good enough or that you're too young. Let's just say that when you say what you feel and someone doesn't like it or understand it, you're rocking their boat and they're not sure how to handle it. If anything, they should respect you for knowing what you want for yourself and make your own decisions, that's half the battle of life. :-)

So, next time you hear someone say "you're too young to know that", just say to yourself, "that's ok, they have their own issues".


Mary

Thanks for the response! <img src="/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> I suppose it irks me because people who are much older than I seem to think that they have the monopoly on truth and what people should or should not do with their lives. I don't know if it stems from personal dissatisfaction or what, but it's so rediculous. My current girl wants to be CF as well, even though she likes and works with children she realizes that she doesn't want to put up with one of her own and neither do I. So it works out quite well! <img src="/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I think Mary hit the nail on the head with her reply...Older people (I'm 32) do seem to think that because they have had more life experiences that they know best...well, not necessarily!!! My mother still tells me mind-numbing, long stories about all of my nieces and nephews hoping that I will change my mind...while I think they are cute and I love them dearly, I could never deal with a child 24 hours a day...Glad to hear your partner feels the same way that you do...Just remember to be honest with yourself and stay focused on what you want...the rest just doesn't matter...

My dad does that condescending thing too, which I only found out a couple months ago...after telling him my plans for not ever getting married, among other life plans, he sort of did this thing where he sort of laughed and told me it would all change and that he knew exactly what I was going to do. And I thought, WTF?? Does he respect me so little, and have so little confidence in my intelligence and ability to KNOW WHAT I WANT that he's going to tell me he has a better idea, even though he probably couldn't tell me much about my personality or even what my favorite color is??? (my parents are divorced so I don't see my dad that much, and face it, it's just sort of hard to be close to a parent of the opposite sex once you're past the age of puberty or so)

I have found that while growing up a lot of what my elder's told me would happen actually did. So I do have some respect for them because a lot of the time they are right.

But that doesnt mean all of the time. I said I never wanted to get married and I fell in love and got married, and been married a few years and couldnt be happier. My mom would always say "You will get married, you will have kids" well the marriage part was right but I am still CF so that part she was wrong. So they arnt accurate about everything.

Stuff like that used to irk me too so I started keeping those thoughts to myself. Funny thing though, I'm 39 and my views on a lot of things are still pretty much the same, with a more mature outlook, of course. I never liked kids even as a kid so my mom isn't too surprised that I don't take an interest in having any.

In my case, though, delongcrey, I'm really not cut out for a relationship. I figured I just wouldn't find someone, then I did and feel deeply in love and laughed at myself...then he cheated on me and left me for someone else after four years.

Even before I had a hard enough time trusting him and trusting that love exists and that relationships work. I have absolutely no faith in those things anymore, and it would wreak havoc on any relationship I were to have, even if I wanted one. See, that to me, realizing that I am not mentally or emotionally in a good place for a relationship, and so choosing not to put myself--and even more importantly, someone else--into that bad situation, tells me I know my mind and am making the mature decision.

Not so for my dad. I tried to explain all of this to him and he just kept up that condescending laughing at me thing. I wanted to yell at him "look, I'm telling you that anyone in a relationship with me would be absolutely miserable because there would be no trust whatsoever in the relationship, and that I would be miserable because I'd always be on edge, waiting for it to end or waiting for them to hurt me...and you still think I should do this to myself and someone else??"

For the most part, I'm well aware of those older than me whose opinions and experiences I can trust...but my dad really let me down in this case. My mom also doesn't entirely believe that I'm not going to someday meet someone else I'll really like, but she respects that I don't believe I'm ready for a relationship, and has to admit I'm right when I explain my mentality to her. I think my dad's problem is that because he hasn't much seen me grow up, maybe he's still got it in his head that I'm a little kid...