BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Stress Management How to deal with stress....??

I have been dealing with ALOT of stress now for a few weeks for several reasons...I have high rent and bills,my daughter who is 19 months is starting to have tantrums,me and my bf don't seem to be on the same page...etc,etc...I really dunno how to manage it or cope and I need some advice!I think I will go crazy soon if I don't figure something out!

Sounds like you are overwhelmed and need to breathe. Your daughter is just being a normal toddler and expressing herself. You need to communicate your needs to your bf, to get some time for yourself to do what makes you happy, so that you can recharge your batteries. Remember you and your boyfriend are not clones. You are two different people with different abilities. Play to each other's strengths, not weaknesses. To deal with stress: one step at a time. Make small changes and evaluate what works.

Hi Vegratty!

One thing I do and it seems to work for me is that when I get to a point where I just want to explode, I sit down, take a few breaths, and laugh as loud and as hard as I can for about 5 minutes. I know this sounds weird but you can't be angry, upset, or stressed at the same time when you're laughing. The looks on my kids faces is priceless! They in turn, start laughing too.

I also learned too that how I feel makes my kids react the same way. If I'm in a grouchy mood, so are they because my "vibrations" of being in that mood engulfs my kids. And since they're little, they don't know what to do with this energy, so they act it out in hopes of relieving it. The times I'm happy and feeling pretty invincible and positive, they are too because it hits them and they act that out as well. Granted, you can't be happy all the time when you've got bills to pay, bf problems, and the daily stresses that do happen. But if you focus on what you want in your life, it will come into your life through events or people who can help you. The more you focus on the negative stuff, the more you get of it. Kinda like a chain reaction thing, it just keeps coming down the pike until you decide to change and start getting what you want.

You mentioned the bills need to get paid, and that's true, they do (yuck, lol). Start asking yourself, "what can I do to get the bills paid easier and better?" Your brain goes into creative mode and starts hammering out solutions until you find the right one to use. And you'll know it becuase you'll hear yourself say "Yeah! that's what I'll do". Don't be afraid to ask for help in finding a solution too. People love to contribute ideas because when you ask them, it gets them in that same "creative mode". :-)


Mary

Hey, Vegratty (cool name, by the way!)

I specialize in helping moms deal with stress, and have a whole site with helps and tips. It's all free, so help yourself: www.mom-defrazzler.com

Some things I use to help myself overcome stress: Deep breathing, inhaling essential oils (like lavender), massaging my hands with good hand cream, and my favourite is taking a long walk - preferably without the dog or kids!

I really liked Mary's idea about the laugh, though. That was terrific. My kids would probably have me committed if they saw me do it, though!

Blessings on you, sister. I like your rat.

Darlene

Hi Darlene!

I checked out your site, beautiful, I felt good just looking at it, maybe the yellow had something to do with it?? LOL I signed up for the Mom DeFrazzler Newsletter thingy too.

I think if anything, you're won't commit you, they'll want to know so they can laugh too. Hmmmm, a family that laughs together, stays together?? I rather like it! :-)

My husband gets a kick out of it when I start laughing and he asks, "what's so funny?" I say, "did you hear the way they laughed? How could you NOT laugh from the sound of their laugh?" I have a few dear friends who have the best laugh to listen to and I told them they GOT to put it on tape for me so I can listen to it without calling them all the time. LOL I just have to remember not to think of their laughs while in any place where it's supposed to be quiet. Yes, they thought I was nuts for asking that weird request but, goodness, if they only knew how it makes me feel. :-)


Mary

Hi, Vegratty and everyone else. All of your suggestions are really good and right on the mark. I love the one about laughing... you can actually fool yourself into thinking you are happy by smiling at yourself, so it might even help your 19 mo. old daughter. <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Candlepassion (Mary) agrees that her kids pick up on her moods...mine always could feel how I was doing with work, bills, spouse, life in general. Kids pick up emotions long before they pick up words.

I think just like Debbie said, your daughter is perfectly normal. Kids go through different stages and terrible twos is one of them. I discovered with my kids if I kept my cool and calmly hugged them and quietly talked to them about something else, they forgot the temper tantrum and then I could quietly tell them how much better they were behaving. That is not always easy to do, I know but that is where all the other advice comes in handy...like Mom deFrazzler (Darlene) mentioned: deep breathing, taking a walk, using essential oils, aromatherapy hand/body lotion. I even like taking a bath where I can let "calgon" take me away for a few minutes (I even imagine the song) LOL. It puts things in better perspective. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> (By the way, the stages don't last very long, so don't worry too much)

You are not alone, Vegratty. We have all been there and we are here for you. Keep your chin up, smile laugh and think of happiest song you can think of, to remind yourself when you get down. Mine? Don't Worry...Be Happy. And, Yes, my family enjoys the times we start laughing and giggling together, usually for no reason (sometimes at me, but that's okay <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> since it's in fun).

Good Luck and God bless you!

Trish

Hi Vegratty, Mary, Darlene, Trish and every one else!
Great menu to choose from - great concrete tips.
Here's something tried and true from my stress-management coaching. Try chanting: "So What!" You'll end up putting things into perspective and laughing.
One woman said it so often, her husband got annoyed. I guess he complained a lot. Saying "So What!" all the time made her laugh and as a result there were fewer arguments at home.

Try out www.sixsigmaforyourlife.com. It is for free for a short time only!

Hanns

have you ever tried supplements??? I've been using StressEez and it works wonders during my stressful times. It has B vitamins, Bacopa, Gotu Kola, and Valerian - which is known to ease stress. Just give it a try and let the stress naturally release...all the best

Hi, Vegratty (love the name, btw! <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)
Stress really is so prevalent these days, and it sure sounds like you have more than your fair share. Have you considered Reiki, or yoga? I find both of these to be wonderful mind and body soothers....I know it's probably hard to find time for yourself, esp with a 19-month old, but it's very important to make (and take) some time for yourself. It's much easier to deal with negativity when you feel stronger..... i hope that things get a bit better for you soon!

Namaste,
Jan
The Healing Energy