BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Stress Management How to deal with stress....??

I have been dealing with ALOT of stress now for a few weeks for several reasons...I have high rent and bills,my daughter who is 19 months is starting to have tantrums,me and my bf don't seem to be on the same page...etc,etc...I really dunno how to manage it or cope and I need some advice!I think I will go crazy soon if I don't figure something out!

Sounds like you are overwhelmed and need to breathe. Your daughter is just being a normal toddler and expressing herself. You need to communicate your needs to your bf, to get some time for yourself to do what makes you happy, so that you can recharge your batteries. Remember you and your boyfriend are not clones. You are two different people with different abilities. Play to each other's strengths, not weaknesses. To deal with stress: one step at a time. Make small changes and evaluate what works.

Hi Vegratty!

One thing I do and it seems to work for me is that when I get to a point where I just want to explode, I sit down, take a few breaths, and laugh as loud and as hard as I can for about 5 minutes. I know this sounds weird but you can't be angry, upset, or stressed at the same time when you're laughing. The looks on my kids faces is priceless! They in turn, start laughing too.

I also learned too that how I feel makes my kids react the same way. If I'm in a grouchy mood, so are they because my "vibrations" of being in that mood engulfs my kids. And since they're little, they don't know what to do with this energy, so they act it out in hopes of relieving it. The times I'm happy and feeling pretty invincible and positive, they are too because it hits them and they act that out as well. Granted, you can't be happy all the time when you've got bills to pay, bf problems, and the daily stresses that do happen. But if you focus on what you want in your life, it will come into your life through events or people who can help you. The more you focus on the negative stuff, the more you get of it. Kinda like a chain reaction thing, it just keeps coming down the pike until you decide to change and start getting what you want.

You mentioned the bills need to get paid, and that's true, they do (yuck, lol). Start asking yourself, "what can I do to get the bills paid easier and better?" Your brain goes into creative mode and starts hammering out solutions until you find the right one to use. And you'll know it becuase you'll hear yourself say "Yeah! that's what I'll do". Don't be afraid to ask for help in finding a solution too. People love to contribute ideas because when you ask them, it gets them in that same "creative mode". :-)


Mary

Hey, Vegratty (cool name, by the way!)

I specialize in helping moms deal with stress, and have a whole site with helps and tips. It's all free, so help yourself: www.mom-defrazzler.com

Some things I use to help myself overcome stress: Deep breathing, inhaling essential oils (like lavender), massaging my hands with good hand cream, and my favourite is taking a long walk - preferably without the dog or kids!

I really liked Mary's idea about the laugh, though. That was terrific. My kids would probably have me committed if they saw me do it, though!

Blessings on you, sister. I like your rat.

Darlene

Hi Darlene!

I checked out your site, beautiful, I felt good just looking at it, maybe the yellow had something to do with it?? LOL I signed up for the Mom DeFrazzler Newsletter thingy too.

I think if anything, you're won't commit you, they'll want to know so they can laugh too. Hmmmm, a family that laughs together, stays together?? I rather like it! :-)

My husband gets a kick out of it when I start laughing and he asks, "what's so funny?" I say, "did you hear the way they laughed? How could you NOT laugh from the sound of their laugh?" I have a few dear friends who have the best laugh to listen to and I told them they GOT to put it on tape for me so I can listen to it without calling them all the time. LOL I just have to remember not to think of their laughs while in any place where it's supposed to be quiet. Yes, they thought I was nuts for asking that weird request but, goodness, if they only knew how it makes me feel. :-)


Mary

Hi, Vegratty and everyone else. All of your suggestions are really good and right on the mark. I love the one about laughing... you can actually fool yourself into thinking you are happy by smiling at yourself, so it might even help your 19 mo. old daughter. <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Candlepassion (Mary) agrees that her kids pick up on her moods...mine always could feel how I was doing with work, bills, spouse, life in general. Kids pick up emotions long before they pick up words.

I think just like Debbie said, your daughter is perfectly normal. Kids go through different stages and terrible twos is one of them. I discovered with my kids if I kept my cool and calmly hugged them and quietly talked to them about something else, they forgot the temper tantrum and then I could quietly tell them how much better they were behaving. That is not always easy to do, I know but that is where all the other advice comes in handy...like Mom deFrazzler (Darlene) mentioned: deep breathing, taking a walk, using essential oils, aromatherapy hand/body lotion. I even like taking a bath where I can let "calgon" take me away for a few minutes (I even imagine the song) LOL. It puts things in better perspective. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> (By the way, the stages don't last very long, so don't worry too much)

You are not alone, Vegratty. We have all been there and we are here for you. Keep your chin up, smile laugh and think of happiest song you can think of, to remind yourself when you get down. Mine? Don't Worry...Be Happy. And, Yes, my family enjoys the times we start laughing and giggling together, usually for no reason (sometimes at me, but that's okay <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> since it's in fun).

Good Luck and God bless you!

Trish

Hi Vegratty, Mary, Darlene, Trish and every one else!
Great menu to choose from - great concrete tips.
Here's something tried and true from my stress-management coaching. Try chanting: "So What!" You'll end up putting things into perspective and laughing.
One woman said it so often, her husband got annoyed. I guess he complained a lot. Saying "So What!" all the time made her laugh and as a result there were fewer arguments at home.

Try out www.sixsigmaforyourlife.com. It is for free for a short time only!

Hanns

have you ever tried supplements??? I've been using StressEez and it works wonders during my stressful times. It has B vitamins, Bacopa, Gotu Kola, and Valerian - which is known to ease stress. Just give it a try and let the stress naturally release...all the best

Hi, Vegratty (love the name, btw! <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)
Stress really is so prevalent these days, and it sure sounds like you have more than your fair share. Have you considered Reiki, or yoga? I find both of these to be wonderful mind and body soothers....I know it's probably hard to find time for yourself, esp with a 19-month old, but it's very important to make (and take) some time for yourself. It's much easier to deal with negativity when you feel stronger..... i hope that things get a bit better for you soon!

Namaste,
Jan
The Healing Energy

This is so true! And the younger they are, the more closely bound to you they are likely to be, so more likely to act out. I've noticed it with both of my younger children (my oldest is autistic and did not seem to share that same emotional bond with me.) <img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

But during my worst depressions those two would often have nightmares and trouble sleeping. My 3 yr old will still wake up crying right after I wake up from a nightmare. i frimly believe it is "leftovers" from sharing a body for nine months. It fades over time, but sometimes during moments of great stress cna be "re-activated". (Think about stories of moms who knew their children had been hurt in car accidents before they were ever told!)

Try taking your baby in your arms and rocking with her. The simple act of loving on her and focusing all your attention on just soothing her will actually help to soothe you to. Stroke her hair - fell how soft it is, breathe in the baby scent (that doesn't last all that long - trust me), and just reflect on your love. Because no matter how much the munchkin may drive you nuts at times, you do love her - you just need to take a little time to remember it between all the dashing around. This time in her life only comes once, enjoy the cuddling while you can - and if you both fall asleep there- enjoy the nap! <img src="/images/graemlins/heart.gif" alt="" />

I agree w/ most of the replies I got to read. You might want to try meditation. (Sorry if I repeat anything )
It may sound silly to some but it helps. I have frequent anxiety issues. (3 kids & fiance& mortage! AAAHHH!)
Anyway, there is an increase of women having stress/anxiety problems. You have to allow yourself the space to breathe once in a while. Go somewhere in your house or yard even for 5 min. Take a DEEP breathe & hold it a little while. While BLOWING it out, so let the stress flow! Hope that helps!

[quote]Hey, Vegratty (cool name, by the way!)

I specialize in helping moms deal with stress, and have a whole site with helps and tips. It's all free, so help yourself: www.mom-defrazzler.com

Hey there! I'm new & haven't even signed on yet, but thanks for sharing your website! Just what I needed!!! <img src="/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />
I checked it out a little but will do more tomorrow. Time to go to SLEEP!

Try a relaxing hydrotherapy bath....wonderful for de-stressing and relaxing your muscles <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> That's what I do, and listening to whale song tapes too.

I love the mom-defrazzler!

Hang in there, and treat yourself now and then and enjoy the little one while she needs you <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Mine just turned 13... I don't know when that happened!

This is the essential core of buddhism.... read any text 500 years BC....

All wrapped up in modern parlance as if it were something wild, ground-breaking and new... in fact, it stems directly from texts which are much, much older.

You heard it here first.

thank you.

Hi, ladies!

Join me starting May 1 at my blog at http://mom-defrazzler.com/Mom-DefrazzlerBlog/nfblog/ for a whole month of "defrazzling". We'll be learning how to relax, take pampered care of ourselves, and feel great! There are prizes for participation, and it's all FREE!

Come and join us!

Darlene

Sometimes, instead of seeking help from others, it is better to solve the stress causing issues. You can do nothing about your daughter as she is very young, but you can surely talk to your bf and tell him all that you are feeling. You may find a solution. Go to the cause and treat it.

and if all of these wonder ful sugestions dont work, do what i do find scream land. this is any where that you are by yourself and can SCREAM as loud andlong as you like!!! sounds childish i know but boy does it keep me from comeing unglued and snapping. also i find that while im out in scream land by my self i can rant and rave to my hearts content!!! i can say every thing i have wanted to say get it all out then i feel better because i start with the big things first the things that REALLY BOTHER ME and go all the way through to the things that are bothering me now because i was holding the big things in. Worry anger, and fursteation snowball when you hold them in. so get it allout (by the way while your geting things off your chest you will aventaly realize how funny some of the things that boother you are or some of the replys you come up with)in a safe non hurtfull way. and when you come down and start laughting you can think logicaly and decuss things with the bf or any one else with out kiiling him wich he will love!!!

I've also learned recently from my physical therapist that stress (no matter what form it comes in) builds up chemicals in your body such as adrenaline that would normally be used in the "fight or flight" response.

That's right! Our bodies respond to psychological stress exactly the same way they would respond to being attacked by a bear. The problem is we generally don't do anything physical to let loose these somewhat "toxic" chemicals that are running rampant through our bodies, so we feel even worse. That is why exercise is so good for stress. Any kind of exercise - but especially something that will get your heart rate up. That will help disperse the free radicals running around in your bloodstream.

Michelle is right. Best thing to do is to exercise to use up the adrenaline buildup & promote endorphin production- they are the 'feel-good' factor! Scream land sounds wonderful too (as long as not in front of the child...can you imagine what she'd be telling the regression therapist in 20 years time?) Screaming and ranting will release the energy blocks caused by stress- it's good to 'let it all out' as long as it isn't at someone! Meditation is wonderful too- look at Susan's Meditation site in Religion & Spirituality channel.

What about choosing some really happy bouncy music & jigging round the house to it? <img src="/images/graemlins/music.gif" alt="" /> Your babe will probably like it too & music has amazing mood changing powers.

You know; that's what is so great about karate and softball (or baseball).

in karate you are supposed to yell while throwing punches or kicks. And in softball, as you swing the bat around 90 miles an hour to whack the heck out of that little ball - no one is ever surprised if you scream like an amazon! Then you get to run, too!

It's great!

Now, golf on the other hand... <img src="/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Any thing with a punching bag that i can kick or punch is wonder ful i even like those big balloons with the rubber band!!! hey they bounce there perrty for baby to watch and i can pretend it something thats bothering me and smile and laugh!!!

I have just added to my home gym and purchased a punching bag.
This is so good for stress and not to mention a great workout.

Has anyone been to http://www.health-hub.co.uk

This site covers stress management, stress and parenting and lots of ways to cope with stress, including yoga, meditation, homeopathy, reflexology, etc.

There's also some great links to recommended books (in the Search page) and a real-time discussion forum as well.

I agree with BellaHarmony that exercise is a great way to deal with stress. I'm quitting smoking this weekend...

Steve
TimeToQuit Podcast