BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids What happened when your clock went off, or did it?

I'll admit that sometimes when I see a baby I wonder what it would be like to have my own. However, that feeling only lasts for about 5 seconds. When I see kids throwing tempertantrums in grocery stores or when I'm talking to my friends on the phone and all I hear is "Mommy, she's bugging me", it makes me realize I would rather be childfree

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What in the world gives you the right to tell him he will or will not be a father? Do you realize how absolutely hypocritical you sound for telling him "you don't know how women are!" and then insisting you know his future? How DARE you?

Frankly, I'm damn GLAD there's someone out there who doesn't try to tell me that because I'm female, I want TEH BAYBEEZ and I have no choice about the matter, and who points out the fact that we are much more than the sum of our biology.

If you don't want to be more than that, then fine. But I would like to be spared the insult. So don't jump on HIS back because he points out that women actually have brains and don't turn into rabid, heavy-breathing-at-the-sight-of-a-baby morons at a certain point of their lives because a couple hormones kick in.

I wrote an article about this biological clock thing:

Is There a Biological Clock?
In spite of your decision to remain child-free, do you still hear that clock ticking? Is it "natural" for us not to want children? You bet it is!
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art10684.asp

If you haven't already read it, take a look!

Kim
MNK Editor

It's been awhile since I posted here....the slow and formerly unreliable server made me look elsewhere for CF conversation.

First off, I don't really understand what stardust2 was trying to say. Their remark is loaded with some kind of anger they need to work out that has nothing to do with this topic, I imagine. Not that I have ever understood that "if you don't see it my way, you're wrong and stupid" mentality.

I have yet to feel the clock at all. When given the opportunity to hold my brother's newborm, I did so with a feeling of duty. I didn't get any twinges of maternal...anything. That is as natural as it gets...your body's response to something. In this case, a lack thereof.

Now, give me a baby guinea pig, a kitten, a puppy, etc...and I melt straight away. Even so, I am not a person who would call myself a pet parent or "mommy" to a pet either....so I respond to 'cute' but I just don't have that maternal response to anything.

Going by that, I doubt I will likely ever feel a biological urge to procreate. Reading the stories and posts of people at CF forums makes me feel like that clock isn't any more likely to go off in every woman than say...a mid life crisis.

What you say, kimkenney, is something I think about a lot. It's no more unnatural to be CF than it is to drive a car or sit here typing this at my computer. I am not like a salmon or cicada...my life's mission as a human is not one of an animal or like Homo Habilis (the cavemen <img src="/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> ) where my sole mission in life is to make another one of me.

Our new role as humans seems to be one of fulfilling a role in society. Where we do our part to make everything else work. As a doctor, a bank teller, construction worker...and for a lot of people they fulfill their obligation by making another person. No one would call a nun or a priest unnatural...although by not reproducing it could be argued they are. They are fulfilling a societal obligation. I feel that is what all modern day humans do.

I know I kind of got off the subject of biological clocks but I don't think anything about me is not working. The human mind is what really backs our behavior and motivations. By that token, I think my original question was flawed...I just didn't realize it at the time I asked <img src="/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Your guinea pigs are very cute. Mine were very special to me. My post to the young man was in response to the fact that he is quite young and I do not feel any men his age really understand what women go through at a later age. Biological clock is when women are nearing the end of their reproductive cycle. This is anywhere from mid 30's on. It does not happen to everyone but it has been documented in women and men. Just because does not experience what someone else might does not mean it did not happen. When women are younger and want to reproduce, that is natural but not the old clock ticking; it can even be a form of "peer pressure", or keeping up with everyone else. The remark to him was put out to him by a group of women laughing their asses off at his youthful innocence. The fact that someone has taken what we asked, and twisted it around, and bit our heads off about it, well we do not dwell in negativity, not in our jobs, not in our personal spaces, not in our lives period. Married..No Kids should not have a negative context. If anything it affords us a little extra time and money to strive towards being a positive role model, every day, which is what we at stardust2golden focus on. Sorry that you ladies misinterpreted our post and we hope you accept our apology. au revoir

haha, oh boy.

I can assure you age doesn't always play a factor in important decisions. But no matter, of course I still have to hear a lot, "Well I didn't want kids either when I was your age, you WILL change your mind." I may change my mind about whether I like spinach (ick), or something like this, but I'm not changing my mind about a major issue like that, it's really all about what you want out of life. Now if someone wants kids, honestly, whatever it's not my business. That's fine. But I do not, and shouldn't be looked down on for that. That's when I start to retaliate and say why my position is right, even though I don't see there being a right and wrong here, just personal preference. Still.

I think about far-reaching issues a lot, being a philosophy graduate, and no matter what situations I come up with I don't ever like the idea of having kids. Some people really must give me no intellectual credit, they are like, "Well what if you meet this beautiful girl and fall in love and she wants kids?" Gee, I had NEVER thought about that! Well I guess then I'd do it! Haha, yeah right, get real. First off, I don't mind making it very clear to a girl right away that I'm anti-kids, not because I want to give her the impression that I'm talking about serious relationship issues -- I'm not. But because I like going on rants about people whose only goals in life are to pump out kids. THAT I cannot understand. Kids? Hey, if you want 'em. But if that's all you think you are entitled to do in life, that's very sad. I have girl friends like this, they tell me all they want is to get married at 25 or so, earlier if possible actually, and start pumping out kids and be a housewife. I just think that's sad, these are girls who do have abilities and intelligence, one is very good in school, but just has no real motivation apparently to use those skills. Just wants to have kids. I think that's sad personally.

"I have girl friends like this, they tell me all they want is to get married at 25 or so, earlier if possible actually, and start pumping out kids and be a housewife. I just think that's sad, these are girls who do have abilities and intelligence, one is very good in school, but just has no real motivation apparently to use those skills. Just wants to have kids. I think that's sad personally."

To veer off the topic a bit, I think a lot of these women simply are afraid of facing the world out there (sad but true). Getting married and having kids is an easy escape from having to face your fears in the work force and/or make it on your own. I was scared to death when I graduated college, but I forced myself to face my fears and find my own way. The confindence I gained from that was tremendous and now I know there is nothing I couldn't handle. I used that energy and confidence to propel me through a masters program.

When you tie your whole life to a relationship and a family I think you can avoid asking yourself the really hard questions about who you are and what you want out of life. I know a lot of women who seriously underestimate their potential to contribute to the world in some way other than reproduction. It's scary I guess, but to me having a kid is a whole hell of a lot scarier!

Hell, I'd be a lot more afraid to spend my life saddled with a bunch of screaming, mess-making snot factories, to do nothing but clean house and wipe butts and pick up toys, (and to go entirely stir-crazy) than I would be to go out in the real world!

I agree 100%, Katja. The idea of being responsible for someone else like that makes me feel claustrophobic. My brother and his wife are about to have a kid and I'm really happy for them and know they'll be great parents, but I can't help but think of how much fun we've always had visiting them and how that's all going to change. We used to go hiking and white water rafting and go to the amusement park...and now that baby is going to be in the way. Hmmm...I wonder if a baby would fit in one of those lockers at the amusement park? Anyway...

I'm 35 and nothing's ticking. I do sometimes wonder what my husband's and my baby would look like, but that's just mild curiosity. It'd be a cool idea for a computer program though. If people could look ahead to see what their offspring is going to look like there'd probably be a lot less "aesthetically challenged" kids running around <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />