BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids What happened when your clock went off, or did it?

Hi, I just joined this forum tonight after reading a lot of fascinating posts. I had never looked for a community of other childless (CF by choice) couples before. But I was recently married and my decision came under fire if you know what I mean.

To get to my question; Even when I was a teenager, I knew I was not interested in ever having children. My husband also feels the same. (Of course, we talked about that beforehand, but both of us came into the relationship wanting to stay CF)

Of course, I have reevaluated my decision at different significant parts of my life. I know that I don't seem to have a maternal instinct for children (yet there is no love lost on my pets) and I have no interest in ever putting it to the test at the risk of ruining 3 lives over a mistake. I also enjoy my relationship, the way things are in our life and I want to spend my years experiencing life, traveling the world and just being with my husband.

But I am wondering what to expect when that so called biological clock goes off.

Of you who have also decided to be CF, DID had your "biological clock" go off? What went through your mind and did it make you second guess yourself? I am not worried about my mind changing about children, but I do wonder about this.

By the way, I am 27 now. My mom told me hers went off when she was 35, despite already having 4 kids. She told herself she had lost her mind. Just wondering if any of you have stories to tell.

Thanks to any who reply!

well, my husband and i are not cf by choice. we did try to conceive for several years and eventually came to accept we aren't going to have children. i do remember when he first told me he was ready to try, i asked him for more time. i liked my freedom, and we were not financially ready for children (but who is?). when he asked a second time about a year later, i was more than ready to have a baby. i dont' know where the overwhelming desire came from, but it came and it stayed for a very long time. eventually though, as we kept having to try more treatments, do more things, i started to wonder why i wanted a child anyway. was it because i really wanted to be a parent? or was it because it seemed like the right thing to do at the time? because my friends were having babies? because i wanted to prove my body and the drs wrong and carry a healthy child? i don't know. i do know that about 2 years ago, the desire started to fade. and i started to realize life is pretty good even without kids. and now i'm learning to embrace what i've been given.

but be prepared. when the clock starts ticking loudly, sometimes it's all you can hear. but not all women feel this way. this is just my experience.

i guess if it's meant to happen, it will happen. you know your wants and desires. and if your clock kicks in, go with what you feel is right for you.

My biological clock must be broken! :-)

I have never heard it and don't think I ever will. (I am 30). People keep telling me I'll start to feel an overwhelming urge but I doubt it.

I am 43 and I never heard any ticking.....I kinda wanted kids thru my teens, but I raised younger sibling and cousins and babysat forever. When i was about 27 a friend had a baby and the day she went home from the hospital she cut her leg on some chicken wire fencing around her porch and got tetanus! She nearly died and I took the newborn for those three weeks just while the father was at work. That did it for me. I have never had the urge to even pick up a baby since. It was not that I didn't 'like' taking care of the baby, or that it was especially difficult or that I did a bad job of it--I just decided I did not want that for myself. 5 years later, while I was still single I had my tubes tied to prevent myself from being tempted and to take the controversy out of the picture if I ever did get married. I have never regretted it, nor has my husband. He admitted to me just last night that the only reason he ever wanted kids was because he thot that was what he was supposed to do and his cousins and friends were having kids, but he has no regrets at all that he never had any. We have a niece who is 16 now, and two nephews, 17 and 18. These are from younger siblings--so our children would be older, and my husband just got a job working security for a Women's College. He said they are all a bunch of brain-dead ditzes...and he feels like their father! And he added he would not do it if he was not being paid to! LOL I think he had a clock and I didn't....but then again he is the emotional one in this marriage. Now the thot of having to get rid of my 9 week old kittens is breaking my heart!

Thanks for the replies. It would seem the biological clock may be just a state of mind some women go trhough when they realize they will soon not be able to have anymore. And because I lack the desire in the first place, I am confident that will pass right by.

I just seem to lack any feeling of maternal instinct when it comes to babies or children. I know what you mean about the furry creatures though. My heart melts when I look at this picture of my furry "kids":

I've always been an animal person. Having a child has all the appeal to me of having a pet alligator. I'm 39 and have never felt the "urge" - I have all the "kids" I need: 6 cats and a dog. Knowing now what childbirth does to your body and what kids do to a marriage/relationship, I can't ever imagine being sorry that I never had kids.

Knowing now what childbirth does to your body and what kids do to a marriage/relationship, I can't ever imagine being sorry that I never had kids.

Quoting above ...I went througha rough patch when I *thought* I had to breed. After the fact, I felt much more at peace, today, I have no clock ticking whatsoever. I think that clock ticiking was related to being pressured to conforming to society...It's just what women do...they beed!

Good question. I am 32 now and usually have no inkling of doubt about my decision to stay child free. However, over Thanksgiving I was around my nephews all weekend and I just loved spending time with them- so that led down this what if... path. Of course, my husband also got all gooey over the sight of me interacting with the kids. But, here's the thing...just because we had a good time over Thanksgiving doesn't mean that we should be parents. It means that we are capable of enjoying the company of a child every once in a while and that we love our nephews. So- while I experience doubts once in a great while- I think my "biological clock" will never truly go off...

Ah the "biological clock" I think in most women I meet it goes off. You never know when but I have seen many women who had no interest in kids all of a sudden had bad 'baby fever" bad.

Mine went off half-way awhile back, I didnt have that strong of a urge as some women get. But I did have a feeling of wanting to see my daughter or son get married with my husband by my side and give them advice about the future and have a family legace.

I think a lot of that was from being around a couple who has 2 children and they are ideal for kids. they are in love with eachother, and love their kids and it all seems to work out for them. THEN I realized I wasnt them. And my clock stopped. I never had a "urge" but I do see why people want children. I also see why people want to be CF.

MKrinn -- those little guys are cute, hehe, babies are NOT. <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

This idea of a "biological clock" is so stupid, it makes humans sound like little ants no better than any insect. There is no biological clock. There is only reason and rationality, and those who decide one thing or another.

I never want kids, and there will be no "biological clock." I know I'm a guy, but still, the idea that girls have some stupid irrational, emotional ticking time bomb is pathetic. If girls actually believe this, I think it's a sexist bunch of nonsense. If you want to call any desire a "biological clock," that's pretty lame in and of itself, but especially with such an important decision as bringing another snot-nosed kid into the world. Ugg.

Spare me. I know it'll suck if any of my friends ever have kids, or heck, even if they get married. I better keep looking for younger friends and hope when I'm 35 that 22-year-olds think of me as cool still. I'll get myself a Ferrari, I'll be a totally fit, buff, successful Hollywood celeb, and I'll insist on hanging out with undergraduate film students for poker night and hitting the bars. I'll just keep pretending I'm a college student since I have no desire for the silly ridiculousness of some people's idea of "maturity." If "being mature" means being a moron and getting a lousy house in the 'burbs, an ordinary wife, and 2.4 kids, plus a big mortgage and a 9-5 dead-end job, then I'll be immature forever, thanks much!