BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Misconceptions & Delusions

I've been lurking for a while now, and have really enjoyed reading all of the CF posts, and hearing so many of my own thoughts and feelings expressed by other people.

I wanted to share a story that happened not long ago between my assistant and myself. I was working as a director at a childcare center, and was discussing maternity leave with my assistant director. She was the mother of two children, and had worked at the center since prior to the birth of her first child. She was complaining about the fact that she had to return to work so soon after the birth of both children (at 6 weeks), because she couldn't afford to miss any more work. She said something to the effect of "can you believe that this company doesn't give paid maternity leave, I thought they legally had to". (She was not the brightest bulb in the box!). I pointed out to her that there were no laws in place forcing any business to pay it's employees for their maternity leave. She said "but this is a CHILDCARE center, you'd think they'd be more sympathetic to us moms". I explained to her that it wasn't about being sympathetic, it was about the tremendous cost the company would incur to pay someone else to cover her position, while continuing to pay her regular wages. I also asked her how we would justify to the other employees who either didn't have kids or who had already had their kids that she got X number of weeks of paid time off, but they didn't get the same. Her response pretty much boiled down to "people who choose to have children have earned the privilege of this benefit, people not in a position to use it are not entitled to it".

She simply could not understand that nobody is "entitled" to paid time off of work because they made the choice to have a child. I have run into this attitude over and over again and find it truly maddening. There is such an attitude of entitlement amongst so many parents, like they are achieving some noble gesture for mankind by giving birth. What do you think?

Entitlement is a good word to use here, but to me, I use another word: arrogance.

The breeder referenced in your story sounds like she's got the IQ of a spoon. That's ok though, I guess, she's rearing-up our next generation of brain surgeons. <insert sarcastic tone>

Hello all,
I've been browsing this site for a while but this is my first post!
Here in the UK the maternity leave is 6 months (its going to increase to 9 months in the next year or so). Women get maternity pay for that period and you can also get a maternity grant of �500.00 if you have a low income. Also, every parent gets Child Benefit every week until the child is 16 (or aged 19 if he/she stays in full-time education).
There is also help with child care costs when you return to work.
I really think this is such a bad thing, we have a lot of teenage mum's who never work and have quite a few children. They also get help with housing!

Do you have any similar state benefits in the US?

I would've said to her "funny, *I* was thinking that people who CHOOSE to have children shouldn't complain about the sacrifices they have to make to get what they want..."

A lot of companies in the US do offer paid maternity leave, but that's the exception rather than the rule. I think the usual length is 6-8 weeks, something like that. Small businesses like child care centers are rarely able to offer that benefit, although company employees do get a pretty good discount on their tuition if they choose to enroll their children in the center.

As far as state benefits, (aka WELFARE), it varies from state to state, but yes, low income mothers/families receive $$ and other benefits (such as food stamps, etc.) from the government. There is also a tax credit for families with children--although I'm not sure on the specifics as I do not have any children and therefore do not receive the credit.

I can't believe that mothers receive those kinds of benefits in the UK!!!!

In Sweden, if the law is still the same as it was when a Swedish woman I met a few years ago told me this, 2 full years are given to the parents as parental leave. They can split this up any way that they want. Dads can go straight back to work and Moms can stay home for 2 years, or vice versa; they can stay home together for a full year, and so on.

The reasoning behind this is not to AWARD people for having children, but rather to insist that if a family chooses to have children, they will be raised carefully and thoughtfully. Oh, and Sweden has the lowest birth rate of any country in the world (lower than China's, even though China has a 1-kid per family law). And a 100% literacy rate. And virtually no crime. Is there a connection? I think so, absolutely.

It's everyone's choice to have or not to have kids (We're CF for now, but I think that will probably change at some point). However, for those of us who are CF, wouldn't you rather see children being given the chance to be raised well, whether that means giving them a couple of months of infancy to be carefully cared for, giving Moms and Dads a chance to learn how to be Moms and Dads and get their stuff together before going back to work? The vast majority of parents are NOT welfare mothers, they're normal, hard-working citizens who just want a chance to raise kids who will also be normal, hard-working citizens.

Megan, I truly am all for seeing children raised well and carefully cared for (I like how you worded that), I believe if more people had that philosophy about child rearing, we would have 1)a lot less children running around 2)a lot less screwed up children and parents.

However, I firmly do not believe that it is anybody else besides the parent's role/responsiblity/obligation to provide the financial means to raise these kids. I don't believe that anyone is entitled to ANY sort of paid leave from their job for the purpose of raising their kids. Having children, as you said, is a personal choice, and must be made taking all kinds of things into consideration including the financial picture and whether or not it allows for one parent to stop working. For what it's worth, I agree whole heartedly that children should be raised by their parents and not nannies, daycare or the like. I just don't want to be put in a position of paying for someone's personal choice--through my tax dollars.

Are you for the idea of women who work for government agencies having their gynecological visits and birth control pills paid for by the government agencies' insurance?

(Just curious, certainly not trying to offend)

To answer your question myself...yes. Any other doctor's visit would be paid for, right? So why not gyno work? Just because it's solely for women?

As for birth control, why not? Much cheaper to pay for birth control than to pay for a child. And if an insurance will pay for other prescriptions, why not for birth control? Esp. since not all birth control is actually prescribed for birth control purposes.