BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids does it ever make you mad when?

does it ever make you mad when your friends with children make comments like "you wouldn't understand because you don't have kids" or "i haven't called you in several weeks because i wanted to talk to someone who knows what i'm talking about"? i really feel insulted by these comments. sure, i don't completely relate, but i'm not an idiot. i'm not a person who is totally unable to put myself into someone else's shoes and try to see things from their perspectives. do they think i'm an idiot or something? when i hold one of my friend's babies, everyone says, "oh, look how natural you are with the baby" like they're surpised i didn't pick the kid up by the ankle or something.

i'm just really angry today. well, this whole past month actually. and i have no place to really get it out. my husband agrees with me that the comments are rude and insulting, but we don't want to say anything back to them because we don't want to be rude and insulting in return.

does anyone else here experience the same thing? or am i the only one with friends like this? i'm starting to wonder if i should really keep calling them friends and just start referring to them as acquaintances now. petty, but i still think about it.

I've gotten something like it before. It's very hard when such people have been exposed to the idea of family for so long, especially if they come from big families, that they lose touch of the idea that not everyone is like them, like us CFers.

I have experienced similiar and it annoys me quite a bit. Personally I have often found that people who cannot totally relate to my situation can often give me more objective advice because they are a true outsider looking in.

I've experienced those comments as well. And what's funny is, these mommy friends act as if what they need advice on is something as in-depth as brain surgery, they are barely high-school educated, and most of them are stay at home moms, totally immersed in their kids. You would think they'd value the advice of someone out in the workforce, educated, dealing with real issues every day.

I've had this too. But sometimes it does help to have an outside perspective, even one from a CF person. I've just found that most parents don't believe that.

It's as if you automatically gain wisdom by having kids, which is not true. Wisdom and intelligence has nothing to do with whether you have kids. It comes from experiencing and looking at the world.

Holles,
Yes, I have experienced that. It's frustrating, I agree. What I have found is that the people who think that way are not very wise ... and I choose not to be around such close-minded people.

I have friends (now) that talk to me about their kids (at times) and they repsect my advice or point of view. These are the types of people I choose to be around --- people who respect ME.

Very good point Lisa. I have many friends who have children and a precious few that don't. It is very frustrating and tends to drive me a bit crazy :-) While I feel that my friends with children do value me for who I am, I find that they rarely invite me to get togethers etc. They seem to think that because I don't have children I won't like or even try to participate in activities where children are invovled. On the contrary, since they are my friends, I will make every effort to understand and listen to them and even include their children in our activities. But I often find that is not reciprocated. Kind of makes me sad, but what are you gonna do??? In all honesty it really makes me value my CF friends. They are precious to me because they really listen to me and they don't judge me based on my choice not to reproduce.

thank you all so much for the replies. i'm relieved to know it's okay to feel this way. i do have a few friends with kids who value me as a friend. that means a lot to me. they invite me over to chat, and i enjoy helping out with their kids.

it's the friends who do the things like antikid said. the ones who plan things with the others and go out of their way to keep me out of the loop. it's happening right now even, and it bugs me. my husband told me yesterday that i've done so much for these people and their kids and given so much of my time. but now they don't need me anymore. they can't relate. his advice is to forget them and focus on building the friendship with the ones who still want to reach out. i'm trying my best, but sometimes it's hard. i tried for so long to be part of their "mommy club" and i hate to think that not having kids is the thing that is causing the relationships to fail.

now i'm rambling. sorry.

I think your husband is absolutely right! I went through several years feeling so excluded it was hard not to sink into depression over it. Keep trying and stay positive! I also think that you not having kids isn't why the relationships are failing. They are failing because the other person isn't putting any effort into the friendship. If they can't be bothered to maintain their half of the relationship then they don't deserve to have you as a friend! You deserve better than that!