BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Battered Woman Syndrome

I agree with MDST.

Jeanette, you need to let this person know that this really bothers you, and that you do not consider it a joke. You should not have to give any more details than that. If he/she does not back off, strike them from your friend list.

I agree - your friend should know better. It's not funny.

When I was suffering abuse (physical and verbal) I found that my trauma expressed itself weirdly. I remember quite vividly the occasion - 'he' was about to hit me and I said 'I'm not Jane, I'm Caroline' - I pretended to be someone else to make it unreal, which probably wasn't healthy, although it was a coping mechanism. Oddly enough when I was taken by surprise and hit very recently, I was less angry about the fact that that had happened than resentful and angry at myself for the fact that I'd forgotten all of my 'coping mechanisms' - I thought that I had at least 'earned' those after all of my experiences, and I was truly upset. I was speaking to a friend about it and she said ' but you should never have needed them in the first place'. That's true, but there's still something in me that is disappointed in myself.

It is a difficult place to be, and anyone who is suffering has my prayers.

Jane

I'm dating a woman with BWS and want to move slow and easy. I'm very easy going, loving, caring, and lots of patients and want to do the right things. I know about gaining trust will be slow, me not to show any anger, but love and understanding, go at her pace and not to rush anything.

What things should I do to help gain the trust and show her a man can love her and not give pain. What do most guys do wrong during the dating and relationships.

Need some insight....

Thanks

Unfortunately for you, i think what most guys do wrong is stuff they never even think about! Lots of little habits.

I'm lucky in that I'm in a secure enough place that I can tell my husband "that reminds me too much of this..." or that he recognizes my flinch and will ask me if he is bringing up bad memories.

I think that is one of the biggest things you can do - be on the lookout for that flinching in her eyes. When you see it, point blank ask her if something you did brings up ad memories, because you never want to remind her of her part, you only want a good future with her.

It takes a long time to heal and trust again - but if you are willing to be patient with her, she will be a much stronger person, and you both will have a much stronger relationship! Good Luck!

I agree with Michelle here. My fiance' knows my triggers now. We have been back together for 2 years and he had learned what not to say, not to touch my shoulders when coming from behind me, and other little glitches I still have from my ex. Be very attentive to her wants and needs as I am sure she is to you.

battered woman syndrom is real... its a wall.

I used to picture myself behind a tower made of thick granite bricks with only a small rectangle cut out of it that I could see out. But because of the thickness of the bricks, no one could really see into my eyes. I could protect myself without risking further injury to my soul.

I was safe as long as no one tried to penetrate my wall.

Still, there are parts of me that no one will ever see. Parts of my soul that are protected behind this wall.

How do you get past it? You don't. period. You have to accept that the woman you love is damaged and is existing the best she can.

Never use it to your advantage or you will risk losing it all. because to her, your not worth losing her entire soul. She won't let you anyway.

Can you be content with the parts of her that she lets you see? Are you willing to make the world safe for her again? can you protect her while standing outside the tower?

If you really want to know more about battered woman syndrom then study post tramatic stress syndrom.

Not to be insensitive, but wouldn't BWS fall under Post-Traumatic Stress? Flashbacks, hypervigilance, all that is categorized under PTSD.

You are being insensitive at all. Many people are questioning this. I wrote an article about BWS located here http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art8504.asp if you haven't read it yet. Many psychologists are trying to have BWS labeled as a subcategory under PTSD.

Actually, I just naturally assumed that they were the same thing - I wonder whether it's helpful or not to distinguish the causes of similar traumas? Personally, I think that, if calling it BWS means it won't be taken as seriously, then I'd rather hear PTSD - or vice versa..... although I'd like to think that our societies have become understanding enough now, so that we either would do.

best wishes - Jane

If a woman gets battered, she would lose her faith in everything she was taught. If after that she develops disorder, it is very much understandable.