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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 130
Jellyfish
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OP
Jellyfish
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 130 |
The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors.
They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are
the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of
humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross,straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
walking.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
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Joined: Jul 2004
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Chipmunk
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Chipmunk
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,427 |
They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are
the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of
humour. C'mon Leslie, we want the url to see these crazy Aussies for ourselves! It's probably the smart-a** Polish-Australians answering these questions. <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 130
Jellyfish
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OP
Jellyfish
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 130 |
Oh Nancy, you can be defensive!!!! {:--))) And you a scientist too!!
Leslie
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 813
Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 813 |
Leslie2
Thanks for the laughs.
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Joined: Jul 2004
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Chipmunk
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Chipmunk
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,427 |
Oh Nancy, you can be defensive!!!! {:--))) And you a scientist too!!
Leslie lol Leslie, you almost always misread my replies. must be the difference between our forms of the english language. <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I was not defensive, I was the scientist, asking for proof! Give your source for these hilarious answers, or we will all suspect that you made them up yourself, you sly devil.
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 80
Amoeba
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Amoeba
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 80 |
While Leslie is looking up the answer to Nancy's questions maybe he can answer these as well......
A Few of Life's Unanswered Questions
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is a boxing ring square?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down
the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made
with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 130
Jellyfish
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OP
Jellyfish
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 130 |
Nancy
The source is no other than UK's radio and television god, the BBC. It was even read out on the Terry Wogan show. Terry Wogan, for about the past 200 years, has had a morning show on BBC Radio 2, playing music, making jokes, and reading out snippets of information. As Terry himself read it out, who am I to doubt its source?!
Pozdrawiam serdecznie
Leslie
You know, you always rise to my little misreadings! I was going to recommend a good English grammar book, then I remembered your country of location!) {:-) {:-)) {:-)))
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 130
Jellyfish
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OP
Jellyfish
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 130 |
Chris. Very good. But do you know what colour the black box on an aircraft really is?
Leslie
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Joined: Mar 2005
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Amoeba
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Amoeba
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 80 |
Leslie,
I think they are florescent orange to aid in recovery. Am I wrong?
Are you asking about the actual device or the case it comes in? I am pretty sure the case is orange - I am not sure about the actual device.
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,427
Chipmunk
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Chipmunk
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,427 |
As Terry himself read it out, who am I to doubt its source?! a trained scientist would never say that!
You know, you always rise to my little misreadings! I was going to recommend a good English grammar book, then I remembered your country of location!) {:-) {:-)) {:-)))
of course I always react to them <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ... sometimes you make the loopiest comments, as though the words you read are the opposite of what was written. what's up with that?
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